Running with Scissors2006

Dr. Finch:
Everyone! Come quickly! Wake up! Wake up! A miracle! A miracle! A miracle has occured!

Agnes Finch:
What're you looking at?

Natalie:
Dad's morning sh*t.

Dr. Finch:
See? See how the duplicoil is breaking out of the surface of the water? Holy Father.

Agnes Finch:
Doctor, let me draw you a nice bath.

Dr. Finch:
Agnes, go get a shoehorn. A shoehorn, Agnes.

Hope:
But what does it mean, Dad?

Dr. Finch:
It means our financial situation is turning around. It means things are looking upward. Literally, the sh*t is pointing out of the pot! Towards Heaven, to God. My turd is a direct communication from the Holy Father. [Augusten and Natalie try to hide their laughter] No, no, no, no, children. No. Laugh. Laugh! God is... He is the funniest man in the universe. Agnes, I want you to carefully remove this, take it outside, and let it dry in the sun. We're starting a shrine, Agnes. A shrine. Hope, let's prepare.