Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance
Runtime: 112 minutes
[Archival footage of Manchester United playing has Jess artificially spliced in making a goal]
..and there is Bhamra. It's a fine header, and she's scored! It's a goal by Jess Bhamra! A superb header, beating the defender,and planting the ball beyond the goalkeeper's left hand. Jess Bhamra makes a name for herself at Old Trafford!
[Sports anchors are in a studio]:
And have we discovered a new star here, Gary Lineker?
That's right. John?
Could Bhamra be the answer to England's prayers? Alan?
Quick thinking, comfortable on the ball, vision and awareness - magnificent. Tell you what, I wish she was playing for Scotland!
John, have England found the player to relive their World Cup glory from '66?
Definitely, and the best thing is, she's not even reached her peak yet.
We're joined now by Jess's mother. You must be proud of your daughter.
Not at all! She shouldn't be showing her bare legs to 70,000 people! She's bringing shame on the family. And you three shouldn't be encouraging her! [Mrs. Bhamra faces the camera] Jesminder, you get back home now! [Scene changes to Jess' bedroom who is watching TV.] Are you listening to me? Have you gone mad? Football, shootball! Your sister's getting engaged, and you're watching this skinhead boy!
Mum, it's Beckham's corner!
Eh, come downstairs, and your sister's going crazy.
I've got to go! Mum, where are my keys?
I'm sick of this wedding and it hasn't even started!
That girl is a first-class bitch!
Pinky, you've got so many others!
It was all planned now I gotta get another one! [To Jess] Will you get a flaming move on!
What the bloody hell's going on?
Get this yeah? Teet's bloody sister says she's wearing baby pink now. Stupid flipping cow! I had matching accessories and everything!
Oh, Mum, do I have to go shopping again?
Ah! My mother chose all my 21 dowry suits herself. I never once complained. You girls are too spoilt! And don't forget my dhania. And more carrots. I'm making achar.
Both Jess and Pinky simultaneously:
Oh, Mum, don't do pickle as well!
Oh, am I asking you to make it?!
[Pinky walks up to 3 friends in a store]
Hi, Pinks! Are you all right?
You haven't left everything to the last minute, have you?
Yeah. One more day of freedom! [leans in to observe a girl's face] Where did you get your contacts?
Do you like 'em? Thought they go with my hair innit?
My fiance don't like dyed hair. Can't stand here all day. I got to go to Ealing for my facial. Later!
Bye, Pinks. Later.
[Speaking to Jess under breath when leaving store] Stupid bitch! Why did she get blue contacts? Now I can't wear mine!
I'd never wear that!
They're all the rage, poppet! You blow 'em up, just like a lilo. Look, this little pump comes free with it. Pop it in the valve, pump away, up it goes, then slip it back in there...[Holds up bra looking proud]..and boom! Cleavage! They're perfect while you're still growing 'cause they lift you right there. [Grabs Jules breasts]
Mum! God, you're so embarrassing!
They make more of what you've got. All the girls have bought one for their daughters. The Fleur's pretty, and the gel bra's a clever one - no pumping, it's already in there. Not the sports bras! They're so plain! They don't enhance.
No one's going to see them.
It's not how they look, it's how they make you feel. I really like that lace lycra one.
Uh-oh, there's your mate. I hope his mum wears a cardi over her three stomachs tomorrow!
Shut up! She's old.
So? All right, Jess?
May you have a long life, my daughters! Getting ready for tomorrow?
Yes, Massiji. Mum's making samosas.
May God keep you and your husband in endless happiness! And pray for me that I get a lovely daughter-in-law like you for my Tony.
Aw, thank you, Massiji! OK, bye, Yeah?
How was biology?Did you do the genetics one?
Yes, she was the defective carrier passed the defective gene onto her son.
Yeah, I got that, too.
I hope I got my 2 Bs and my A for my uni.
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