Bend It Like Beckham2002

[Mrs. Bhamra is watching an Indian karaoke show]

Mr. Bhamra:
Can you change the channel, please?

Mrs. Bhamra:
It's nearly the end.

Pinky:
Mum, she's back!

Mrs. Bhamra:
You've been gone all day for two pairs of shoes! Come here!

Jess:
It's not that late. I was looking at other things like... handbags, too.

Mrs. Bhamra:
Let's see 'em!

Jess:
Not yet. I'll try them with the suits. [Jess starts to run up the stairs and Pinky follows her, grabs shopping bags and dumps it besides their mother with their father raising hands to somewhat chastise, and their mother has grabbed Jess' shirt collar]

Mrs. Bhamra:
Cigarette? Have you been smoking?

Jess:
No!

Mrs. Bhamra:
Chi chi chi, Cigarette! [Smacks Jess' face]

Jess:
I needed the loo so I went into a pub with my friend. I had a coke. Smell my breath!

Mr. Bhamra:
[Smells Jess] She might be right.

Mrs. Bhamra:
[Looks at black shoes] These don't have a heel! How will they fall nicely with your sari?

Jess:
I'll take them back.

Mrs. Bhamra:
[Discovers footballs shoes] Football shoes!

...

[Jess is doing situps with the team for practice]

Jules:
But you can't give 'em back.

Jess:
I need shoes for the wedding now.

Jules:
Come over to mine. I'll sort you out.

Joe:
Come on, girls! Wake up!

Jess:
God! My mum had a fit when she saw the boots! And I smelt like a bleedin' ashtray! I had to clean all the big saucepans.

Joes:
Yak, yak, yak, yak! Jess! Is everything all right?

Jess:
Yes, coach.

Joes:
Am I interrupting your cosy little conversation?

Jess:
No, coach.

Joe:
Good. Than I want five more laps round the pitch! Elbows to knees as you go!

Jules:
Joe, that is totally out of order!

Joes:
Hey! I don't remember telling the rest of you to stop!

Joe:
Move it! You're doing very well. Keep it up for another two minutes. Good, Mackie! Good, Sally! Excellent! Excellent!

...

Joe:
[Calling across the field] Jess! You can stop now! Stop! You're doing yourself an injury!

Jess:
I'm ok. I've just got one more lap.

Joe:
I said stop! Let's have a look at you.

Jess:
It's nothing!

Joe:
Sit down. Let me decide if it's nothing. Why didn't you tell me you'd twisted it?

Jess:
I didn't want you to think I'm not as strong as the others.

Joe:
That's stupid, Jess. Look, my dad was my coach. Scouts told him that I was too slight to play, so he kept pushing me. That's how I screwed my knee.

Jess:
Your dad made you?

Joe:
I wanted to show him I wasn't soft, so I tried to play injured. He was a bit of a bastard anyway.

Jess:
You shouldn't say that about your dad.

Joe:
You don't know my dad. All right. Come on. Good. Now put your weight on me. There you are.

...

[Jules presents shoes to Jess]

Jess:
Oh, my God!

Jules:
Just give 'em back after the wedding. My mum loves them. She stuck the bows on herself.

Jess:
Thanks. You sure she won't miss 'em?

Jules:
Nah. Listen... I hope Joe wasn't too hard on you. Some of the girls think he's too strict.

Jess:
No, he was really nice, just really professional.

Jules:
I love that picture. It was after we beat Millwall last year. You got to see this. It's wicked!

[Turns on TV]

TV announcer:
W.U.S.A. soccer!

Jess:
Wow! W.U.S.A.

Jules:
Incredible! We've nothing like that over here.

...

Jules:
When are you going to tell your parents about your game?

Jess:
I don't know.

Jules:
You can't keep lying. You're too good.

Mrs. Paxton:
Cooey!

Jules:
Hide the shoes!

Mrs. Paxton:
Sweetheart!

Jules:
Up here, Mum.

Mrs. Paxton:
Oh, it's hot out there! Oh! Got company! Hello, love.

Jules:
Mum, this is Jess.

Mrs. Paxton:
Jess? Is that Indian?

Jess:
It's really Jesminder, but only my mum calls me that.

Mrs. Paxton:
Oh, that's nice. Jesmin-dah. Lovely! Well, Jesmin-dah, I bet your room at home doesn't look like this! Great big butch women on the wall!

Jules:
Thank you, Mum, I'm not old like you!

Mrs. Paxton:
Jess, I hope you can teach my daughter a bit about your culture, [grabs Jules knees and starts shaking her] including respect for elders and the like, eh? Cheeky madam! Well, Jess... I expect your parents are fixing you up with a handsome young doctor soon. Pretty girl like you...

Jules:
Mum! Stop embarrassing yourself!

Mrs. Paxton:
What? Just being friendly! You don't mind, do you, love? Of course not! Now, are you a friend from school or work?

Jules:
She's a footballer. She's on the team with me. [Mrs. Paxton's face becomes intimidated]

...

Jules:
"Jesmin-dah"!

Jess:
Did you see her face, though?!

Jules:
Juliet!

Jess:
Jesmin-dah! What WAS that? Ooh!

Jules:
Are you all right?

Jess:
Oh, Jesus! Jules... You know Joe, do you like him? Nah, he'd get sacked if he was caught shagging one of his players.

Jess:
Really?

Jules:
I wish I could find a bloke like him. You know, that wasn't off limits. Everyone I know's a prat. They think girls can't play as well as them, except Joe, of course.

Jess:
Yeah, I hope I marry an Indian boy like him, too. [Jules bursts out laughing] What?

Jules:
I'm sorry!

Jess:
Shut up!

...

[Jess walks into house with family sitting in living room looking offended at Jess]

Teetu's father:
We're not trying to cause trouble. We felt it our duty to tell you.

Mr. Bhamra:
You know how hard it is for our children here. Sometimes they misjudge and start behaving like the kids here.

Teetu's mother:
All I know is that children are a map of their parents.

Pinky:
You stupid flippin' cow!

Mrs. Bhamra:
You've ruined your sister's life! Happy now?

Pinky:
The wedding's off 'cause of you!

Jess:
Me? Why?

Mrs. Bhamra:
They saw you being filthy with an English boy!

Jess:
I wasn't with any English boy!

Pinky:
They saw you at a bus stop kissing him! Why couldn't you do it in secret like everyone else?

Jess:
Kissing? Me? A boy?! You're all bloody mad!

Mr. Bhamra:
Jesminder, don't you use those swearing words!

Jess:
I was at the 120 bus stop today but with Juliet. My friend. She's a girl, and we weren't kissing or anything for God's sake!

Mr. Bhamra:
[Points to painting on living room wall] Do you swear on Babaji's name?

Jess:
I swear on Babaji's name.

Mrs. Bhamra:
Sometimes these English girls have such short hair... You just can't tell.

Mr. Bhamra:
They must have made a mistake.

Mrs. Bhamra:
His parents are just making an excuse. We were never good enough for them.

Pinky:
No, I bet she was with some dykey girl from her football team! She's still been playing you know! She ain't got no job! She's been lying!

Mrs. Bhamra:
Why have I two deceiving daughters? What did I do wrong in my past life?

Pinky:
But she's ruined my life!

Mrs. Bhamra:
Don't think I didn't knew you were sneaking out with that good-for-nothing Teetu as well! [Laments in Punjabi]