Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance
Runtime: 112 minutes
Do you fancy me, Tony?
I like you, yeah...
Maybe we can go out, then, yeah?
Jess, what's going on?
I think I need an Indian boyfriend.
What's going on? You're acting all weird.
Sorry. You know my coach, yeah?
I nearly kissed him in Germany.
Wow! And that's why you need an Indian boyfriend?
Well, Jules likes him, too, and now she hates me.
Look, Jessie. You can't plan who you fall for. It just happens. I mean, look at... Posh and Becks.
Well, Beckham's the best.
[chuckles] Yeah! I really like Beckham too.
Well of course you do. No one can cross a ball or bend it like Beckham
[shakes head] No, Jess. I really like Beckham.
What? You mean... [incredulous scoff] But you're Indian! God, what's your mum gonna say?! My sister thinks you're mad about me!
I am! I just don't want to marry you.
[Looks at football boys] What would those tossers say if they knew?
Jess, you're not going to tell anyone?
'Course not. It's OK, Tony. I mean, it's OK with me.
Yeah, well, you fancying your gora coach is OK with me. Besides... he's quite fit!
[Jess is pretending to be sick and is outside the house with the family getting in the car]
Be back by three.
I can't keep 'em at the temple all day.
I owe you big time!
Go to bed.
Bring me back some langar!
Chi chi chi, we're going to pray to God to give you both some sense, not bring back food!
[When the family leaves, Jess whips off her bathrobe, wearing her football kit and starts running off down an alleyway, Mr. Bhamra has come back to the house to get something and realizes that Jess is not in the house]
[Tony and the football boys are watching Jess team play through binoculars]
Football boy 1:
They don't all look like lezzies, do they?
Football boy 2:
Lads! Check out the boobs on the captain! [Referring to Mel]
Football boy 3:
Jeez, man, they must get in the way!
Football boy 4:
She's lucky she ain't knocked herself out! Running up and down the pitch with them!
Why can't you lot just see them as footballers?
Football boy 4:
Pfft! [They all laugh except Tony and some spectators behind them seem to laugh too and Mr. Bhamra has come by and taken a seat in the stand]
[An opposing team player has grabbed Jess' shirt and swung Jess down]
What you playing at?
Opposing team player:
Piss off, Paki! [Jess has started a shoving match with the opposing player]
Go away. Number 7, come here.
What's the matter with you, ref?
Number 7. [Gives a penalty marker to Jess] Violent conduct towards a player.
No! You can't do that! You haven't seen any of it, have yah? It's out of order!
Football boy 1:
She is so hard!
Football boy 2:
Oh, man! Unlucky, Tony, mate!
[Joe is disciplining Jess in the changer room]
What the hell's wrong with you, Bhamra?! I don't ever want to see anything like that from you ever again! We're lucky they're not suspending players from this tournament! Excellent! We've got QPR in the final. Three cheers - hip, hip!
[Jess is silent the whole time, when Joe leaves, Jess suddenly gets up and follows Joe]
Why did you yell at me like that? You knew the ref was out of order!
You could have cost us the tournament!
But it wasn't my fault!
You didn't have to shout at me!
I'm your coach. I have to treat you the same as everyone else
Look, Jess. I saw it. She fouled you. She tugged your shirt. You just overreacted, that's all.
That's not all. She called me a Paki. But I guess that's something you wouldn't understand.
Jess, I'm Irish. Of course I understand what that feels like.
[Jess and Mr. Bhamra have walked into their house with Teetu's parents and Mrs. Bhamra in the living room]
Oh, here he is. Tejinder's mother and father have come to speak to us.
[Jess walks up house stairs to Pinky at the top, watching Teet's parents in living room]
Teet's mum and dad have come to eat dirt. Stupid cow. I don't know who she thinks she is in that sari!
No mother can stand by and watch her son go through this.
Well, our Pinky didn't come out of her room for days. She was crying.
Our Teetu also. For days he ate and drank nothing!
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