Bend It Like Beckham2002

Mr. Paxton:
The teriyaki sauce is the goalkeeper.

Mrs. Paxton:
The teriyaki sauce.

Mr. Paxton:
The posh French mustard is the defender.

Mrs. Paxton:
The posh French mustard.

Mr. Paxton:
The salt is the attacker.

Mrs. Paxton:
The sea salt.

Mr. Paxton:
The sea salt is the attacker. Now, when the ball's played forward, the sea salt has to be level with the mustard.

Mrs. Paxton:
[To just arrived Jules] Hello, darling.

Mr. Paxton:
Now concentrate. Offside, onside.

Mrs. Paxton:
Offside, onside.

Jules:
What are you doing?

Mrs. Paxton:
Well, if the mountain won't come to Mohammed...

Jules:
What?

Mr. Paxton:
Don't laugh. I'm trying to teach your mother the offside rule.

Mrs. Paxton:
I've decided that I've got to take an interest or I'm going to lose you. This way we can all enjoy football as a family. Right. So, don't tell me. The offside rule is... ...when... ...the French mustard... has to be between the teriyaki sauce and the sea salt.

Mr. Paxton:
She's got it! Got it! Wonderful!

Jules:
Have you read all these as well?

Mrs. Paxton:
Yeah. Oh, and do you know what? One of those England girls' players is a math's teacher as well, and she's happily married with a baby!