Ed Wood1994

Ed Wood:
I'm Ed Wood, I'm here about directing the Christine Jorgensen picture.

George Weiss:
Well, a couple of things have changed. It ain't gonna be the Christine Jorgensen story no more. Goddamn Variety had to put the story before I got the rights. Now that b*tch is asking for the sky.

Ed Wood:
Oh, you're not gonna make the movie?

George Weiss:
No, of course I'm gonna make the picture! I already presold Alabama and Oklahoma. Those repressed Okies, they go for that twisted, perverted stuff. We'll just do it without the shemale. We'll fictionalize it.

Ed Wood:
Is there a script?

George Weiss:
F***, no. But there's a poster. [he holds up a movie poster for "I Changed My Sex"] It opens nine weeks in Tulsa.

Ed Wood:
Well Mr. Weiss, look no further, I'm your man. I work fast and I'm a deal. I write and direct. And I'm good. I just did a play in Hollywood and Victor Crowley himself praised its realism.

George Weiss:
There's about 500 guys in this town that could say the same thing. On the phone you said you had some "special qualifications"?

Ed:
Mister Weiss... I have never told anyone what I'm about to tell you. But I really want this job. [pauses, takes a deep breath] I like to wear women's clothing.

George Weiss:
You're a fruit?

Ed:
No, not at all. I love women. Wearing their clothes makes me feel closer to them.

George Weiss:
You're not a fruit?

Ed:
No, I'm all man. I even fought in W.W. Two. Of course, I was wearing women's undergarments under my uniform.

George Weiss:
You gotta be kidding me.

Ed:
Confidentially, I even paratrooped wearing a brassier and panties. I wasn't afraid of being killed, but I was terrified of being wounded and having the medics discover my secret.

George Weiss:
So you think this qualifies you to direct my movie?

Ed:
Yes. I know what it's like to live with a secret and worry what people are gonna think of you. My girlfriend still doesn't know why her sweaters are always stretched out.

George Weiss:
Ed, you seem like a nice kid, but look around ya. I don't hire directors with burning desires to tell their stories. I make movies like "Chained Girls." I need someone with experience, who can shoot a film in four days, and make me a profit. I'm sorry, that's all that matters.