ShrekShrek is love

[Shrek sneaks up on a mob about to enter his swamp]

First villager:
Think it's in there? All right, LET'S GET IT!

Second villager:
Whoa, Hold on! Do you know what that thing could do to you?

Third villager:
Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread!

Shrek:
Yes. [exposes himself] Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres - oh, they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin! They'll shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.

Third villager:
[waves his torch in front of Shrek] Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! [Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch like a match] [he smiles nervously] Right.

[silence]

Shrek:
[roars ferociously] [he waits until the villagers have stopped screaming] [whispers] This is the part where you run away. [the villagers do so] [laughs] And stay out! [looks down at a sign] Wanted. Fairy tale creatures. [sighs]