This Is the End2013

James Franco:
Who did this? Who did this?!

Seth Rogen:
Did what, what are you talking about?

James Franco:
[holds up his jizzed porn magazine] Jizzed all over the pages of this nice magazine I was nice enough to tell you about. Was it you, Seth?

Seth Rogen:
No.

James Franco:
No?

Danny McBride:
[raises hand] It was me, Franco, I f***in' made jizz in your magazine.

James Franco:
Why?!

Danny McBride:
When I f***in' jack off long enough, I end up jizzin', dude, I'm assuming, the same sh*t works for you?

James Franco:
Real f***ing smart answer, why don't you f***ing aim, huh?!

Danny McBride:
I have a particularly explosive ejaculating that just goes everywhere! It's like a f***in' wild fireman's hose, you just got to grab on and pray to God it doesn't get into your eyes or your mouth!

James Franco:
The f*** kind of jerking off is that, what, you never had any brothers, you never learned to jizz in a f***ing sock or on a f***in' tissue?!

Danny McBride:
No, I don't have any brothers, I was raised in a house of women!

James Franco:
I highly doubt they f***in' taught you to f***in' close your eyes and f***in' cum wherever the f*** you want!

Danny McBride:
I mean, you're getting all worked up over a f***in' porno mag! Who has goddamn porno mags anymore?! Welcome to the 21st century, Buck Rogers! You designed a house with f***ing iPads in the walls, yet you're jerkin' your dick like a goddamn pilgrim!

James Franco:
That's right, man. I like to f***in' read!

Danny McBride:
You think that's the only thing I jerk off in here? I've been dropping loads around this f***in' house like a goddamn dump truck.

James Franco:
YOU DON'T CUM ON MY STUFF!

Danny McBride:
I'll cum wherever the f*** I want, James. I'll f***in' cum in your kitchen, I'll cum on your f***in' art, I'LL CUM ANYWHERE I WANT!

James Franco:
I will f***in' cum right on you! I will cum like a f***in' madman all over you, McBride!

Danny McBride:
Ooh! I f***in' wish you'd cum on me right now, I f***in' DARE YOU TO CUM ON ME!

[Both men exchange masturbation gestures at each other]

Danny McBride:
[Grabbing baseball bat between his legs] I'm gonna jack my dick so f***in' hard in here!

James Franco:
This, no more, man, all over your f***in' face!

Danny McBride:
All over the f***in' floor, all over the f***in' place, I'll f***in' cum anywhere I want, I'll f***in' cum on these walls, I'll cum on the f***in' cabinets, on the f***in' furniture, I'LL CUM EVERYWHERE!

James Franco:
[points his revolver] If I see your dick one more time, I'm gonna f***ing shoot it off!

Danny McBride:
You don't have enough bullets, b*tch!

James Franco:
[waving his revolver] No f***in' jerking off in my house, McBride!