Scott Pilgrim vs. the World2010

[During an awkward backstage face-off between Scott and Ramona and Envy and Todd, their respective exes]

Knives Chau:
[gasps, standing up]

[Everyone looks at Knives]

Knives Chau:
[to Envy] I've kissed lips that kissed you!

[Envy looks at Todd and nods, Todd stands up and punches Knives in the face, knocking the blue dye out of her hair and sending her reeling to the floor]

Scott Pilgrim:
[stands up, horrified] Knives!

Todd Ingram:
[nonchalant] What? I'm not afraid to hit a girl. I'm a rock star.

Young Neil:
[glares at Todd] Oh, my God. You punched the highlights out of her hair. [to Scott] He punched the highlights out of her hair!

Envy Adams:
You are incorrigible.

Todd Ingram:
I don't know the meaning of the word.

Caption:
HE REALLY DOESN'T.

[Young Neil leads a shellshocked Knives away]

Julie Powers:
[changing the subject] So, uh, you guys doing anything fun while you're in town?

Todd Ingram:
"Fun"? In Toronto?

Envy Adams:
Ha!

Scott Pilgrim:
[slamming fists on table.] That's IT! [Envy gasps in horror] YOU COCKY COCK! You'll pay for your crimes against humanity!

[Scott lunges to attack Todd, but is frozen by psychic energy. Todd, eyes glowing and hair standing on end, levitates Scott into the air]

Scott Pilgrim:
[choking] My neck. [gasps] Your hair.

Envy Adams:
Didn't you know? Todd's vegan.

[Todd flings Scott through a brick wall into an alleyway outside.]

Scott Pilgrim:
[standing up] Vegan?

Todd Ingram:
[moves couch out of the way psychically] It's not really that big of a deal. [kicks and breaks off part of the brick wall]

Scott Pilgrim:
No kidding. [coughs] Anyone can be vegan.

Todd Ingram:
Ovo-lacto-vegetarian, maybe.

Scott Pilgrim:
Ovo-what?

Todd Ingram:
I partake not in the meat, nor the breastmilk, nor the ovum, of any creature with a face.

Envy Adams:
Short answer: being vegan just makes you better than most people.

Todd Ingram:
Bingo.

[Todd punches Scott and sends him, screaming, leaving a trail of A's high into the air and out of sight.]

Stephen Stills:
Hey, man, question. I always wondered, how does not eating dairy products give you psychic powers?

Todd Ingram:
[rolls eyes] Okay, you know how you only use 10% of your brain? That's because the other 90% is filled with curds and whey.

Kim Pine:
[dismissive] Did you learn that at Vegan Academy?

Todd Ingram:
Go ahead and get snippy, baby. If you knew the science, maybe I'd listen to a word you're saying.

[Scott falls back to solid ground after hitting a light fixture. Ramona runs over to him]

Scott Pilgrim:
[weakly] If I peed my pants, would you pretend I just got wet from the rain?

Ramona Flowers:
It's not raining.

Scott Pilgrim:
Oh. Then, why don't you give me the CliffsNotes on how why you ended up dating this A-hole?

Ramona Flowers:
Is it really necessary?

Scott Pilgrim:
Well, if there's a key element in his backstory that's gonna help me out in a critical moment of not dying, yes.

Ramona Flowers:
I was only dating Lucas until the minute Todd walked by. Guess that's not very nice, but I used to be kind of...like that. We hated everyone. We wrecked stuff, nobody cared. He punched a hole in the moon for me. It was pretty crazy. A week-and-a-half later, he told me his dad was sending him to Vegan Academy, so, I dumped him.

Scott Pilgrim:
Have you dumped everyone you've ever been with? You've never been the dumpee?

Ramona Flowers:
Look, I've dabbled in being a b*tch. It's part of the reason I moved here. I was hoping to just...leave it all behind me.

Todd Ingram:
Hey, lovebirds. We have unfinished business, I and he.

Scott Pilgrim:
He and me.

Todd Ingram:
Don't you talk to me about grammar.

Scott Pilgrim:
I dislike you, capisce?

Todd Ingram:
Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday.

Scott Pilgrim:
What?

Todd Ingram:
Because you'll be dust by Monday...

Scott Pilgrim:
[confused] Ummm...

Todd Ingram:
Because you'll be pulverized in two seconds. And the cleaning lady? She cleans up... dust. She dusts.

Scott Pilgrim:
S-so, what's on Monday?

Envy Adams:
[Rolls eyes]

Todd Ingram:
[also confused] Well, 'cause... it's Friday now, she has the weekends off, so... Monday. Right?