Deadwood2004

[while working late at night in his cabin, Doc Cochran hears a thud, followed by Calamity Jane yelling at the passersby]

Calamity Jane:
OW! Keep your f***in' distance! Remain on your side of the street! Do not interfere with me in any way! Chinese cocksuckers! Ugh, Jesus... [Cochran comes out of his cabin to find a drunken Jane lying in the mud next to her horse, her foot tangled in the stirrup]

Doc Cochran:
Well, you are an entangled inebriate, are you not?

Calamity Jane:
[slurring her words] This happens to be a rig and contraption of my own devising against repeated accidental falls that has temporarily malfunctioned.

Doc Cochran:
Very well knotted. [he begins untying her]

Calamity Jane:
I'm back in camp, Cochran, 'cause I'm dyin', and I need a place to breathe my f***in' last. And not for no human aid or consolation. [Cochran struggles to untie the knot] Jesus Christ, you're bad with your hands! If I wasn't practically f***in' dead, I'd reach that knife and cut myself free. [she grunts slightly] Yeah, I just farted, so what? [Cochran pulls the aforementioned knife out of a saddlebag] Hey, hey hey! [she grabs the knife out of his hands] Don't you disarm me, you cocksucker! Lift me up so I can cut myself free! [he gets behind Jane to pull her up by the armpits]

Doc Cochran:
All right, ready? [he lifts her up, and Jane cuts the rope that held her in place] All right now, get under here. [he lifts Jane to her feet by her armpits as she groans drunkenly] Step inside and let me examine you. Even if you are past help, enhancing my understanding may allow others to benefit from your mortal illness.

Calamity Jane:
Do you mock me, cocksucker?

Doc Cochran:
No. Come on inside. [Jane nods] All right. There we go. [he throws Jane's arm over his shoulder and walks her to the door]

Calamity Jane:
[slurring her words again] Promise when I'm dead, you'll plant me with a view of where Bill is.