Married with Children1987

Spare Tire Dixon:
It should have been mine, Bundy. Headlines should have read: "Spare Tire crushes unidentified white man on goal line." I was supposed to play college ball, but it never happened. Know why?

Al Bundy:
Too stupid?

Spare Tire Dixon:
Well, it was because after that game, I fell into a deep depression. And I turned where too many players before me had turned to drown their sorrows: pie. Come the trials, I could no longer make three points unless there was a pie on the floor. My career was over. You stole the glory that should have been mine.

Al Bundy:
I had a little bit of glory, yeah. But you had pie, and I haven't eaten in twenty years! I'd give you that trophy now for a piece of pie! So pardon me if I don't cry for you, Argentina, but I sell women's shoes, AND I'm married!

Spare Tire Dixon:
Oh, yeah? Well, I bet your mother-in-law doesn't look like this. [takes out his wallet and shows Al a photo that makes him gasp and reel momentarily]

Al Bundy:
No, my mother in law looks like THIS! [takes out his own wallet with his own picture]

Spare Tire Dixon:
[aghast] Okay, okay!