Mystery Science Theater 30001988

Crow T. Robot:
Say Mike, give the incredibly depraved attitude regarding women in today's movie, I knew you'd want me to make a short film for boys and young men teaching them how to treat the fairer sex, with a proper and healthy respect. [Mike and Servo are both reading] Uh... Mike! Mike!

Mike Nelson:
Uh, yeah sure.

Crow T. Robot:
So, ah, good, because I went ahead and did it anyway, and hopefully it will help just a little! Let's watch...

Crow T. Robot:
["Let's talk Women" - Crow's short film about women] Aaaah, women. Women, women, women, women, women, women, women. Ha-ha-ha-ha. For you young fellows, fresh on the cusp of a blooming manhood, the questions are bound; what are women like? what do women want? how should I treat a women? Perhaps the thorniest problem facing any young man is finding a woman in the first place! It turns out to be... nealy *impossible!* This reporter spent countless hours searching for a woman, like these pictured here [shows clips of Hobgoblins, with Amy and Daphne in them] to no avail. The nearest we came during a tense stakeout was this fellow [Shows a clip of Mike Nelson biting into a sandwich,] who experts believe, is not a woman. We begin to wonder, where are all the women? The over-heated references in poetry, the images that dominate our media, is it all an elaborate fraud? This grainy photograph is the only direct evidence we have of a woman in her natural environment. [Shows a black and white, Bigfoot-like photo of a large women in a forest] The longer hair, the gentle and nurturing demeanour are typical of how witnesses describe their supposed encounters with women. This footprint [Crow stands beside a clay model of a huge Bigfoot-sized footprint] , while possibly the work of jokesters, is another piece of the puzzle! And it is hard to discount this mans terrifying story! [Crow, wearing a moustahce, and putting on a fake voice, appears on the screen] "Then... uh... this woman - I think it was a woman... she... uh... married me" [Crow ,off-screen, as an interviewer] "Did you have any children, sir?" "I don't remember!" [Back to normal Crow] Some day perhaps, an actual woman will emerge, and they will no longer exist only in the realm of myth and maybe. Thank You. [Video Ends]

Crow T. Robot:
[sighs] Oh yeah, so, anyway Mike, in conclusion, um... in the off chance that you do run into a woman, uh, you know, treat her with respect and stuff.

Mike Nelson:
[Chuckles] Okay, you do know Crow, you do know women though, what about Pearl?

Crow T. Robot:
[Thinking] Okay, so *one* woman exists, that mean *all women exist!

Mike Nelson:
We'll be right back.

Crow T. Robot:
Name me one other woman!

Mike Nelson:
Well, um... [Frowns and thinks]