Orange Is the New Black2013

Joe Caputo:
You ever see an image that sears itself into your brain? Like that movie about the hiker guy, who cuts off his own arm with a Swiss Army Knife? Yeah, the sound... the tendons... F***! I wish I'd never watched that part. [pause] You know what tops that for me? You know what image I can't unsee, it's still stuck in there, flickering at least once a day, making me want to lose my lunch?

George 'Pornstache' Mendez:
[busy munching loudly on snacks, answers with his mouth full] No, sir.

Joe Caputo:
Your bare ass, Mendez. Your pimply, white ass - [Mendez snickers, shakes his head a bit bewildered, but continues munching] - Bouncing up and down between the brooms and the mops, ramming into that poor girl. [wags his finger angrily at Mendez] A girl that YOU were supposed to PROTECT! And KEEP SAFE! Your ass; it haunts me.

George 'Pornstache' Mendez:
[keeps munching without a beat] Mmm. I'm sorry to hear that, sir.

Joe Caputo:
I've been doin' this kind of work 25 years. And it's guys like you that give the whole profession a bad name. If it was up to me, you'd never set foot on this property again. But, considering that the D.O.C. didn't press charges, it was your word against mine... [grins slowly]... Until now.

George 'Pornstache' Mendez:
[mouth still half full, mumbles absent-mindedly] Well, I've been doin' my job, sir. Just gave out fifteen shots this morning.

Joe Caputo:
[evenly] You got her pregnant.

George 'Pornstache' Mendez:
[stops munching suddenly, stares] No...

Joe Caputo:
[nods] Mmm. Sadly for her, yes. That poor girl is carrying around a sadistic little mustachioed sh*t inside her.

George 'Pornstache' Mendez:
[to himself, in total shock] Whoa...

Joe Caputo:
[smiles broadly] Mendez - you're f***in' fired.

George 'Pornstache' Mendez:
[gets up awkwardly, dusts his hands off on his pants]... I understand, sir.

Joe Caputo:
[chuckles, keeps grinning, as he beats Mendez to the door] No, um... I... I don't think that you DO understand. [opens the door to reveal two U.S. Marshals] You're also under arrest.

Arresting Federal Marshall:
[handcuffs Mendez] We're in.

George 'Pornstache' Mendez:
[says nothing, but glares silently at Mendez]

Joe Caputo:
[still smiling, reaches to unclip Mendez's radio from his belt and shoulder clip] Let me get that for you. [Mendez is led out of his office, as Caputo silently pumps his fist victoriously]