Saturday Night Live1975

Captain Ned:
Mr. Hodo! Mr. Spunk! Is this how men act on a man's ship? Where is your manliness? Fighting on deck is a serious breach on my articles of strict discipline! I'm afraid the guilty party is in for a very severe punishment! Well, Mr. Hodo?

Mister Hodo:
Captain, it's a - I did indeed take Mr. Spunk's spot. I am ready to accept my punishment...

First Mate Spunk:
Captain! I threw the first blow. If anyone is to be punished, let it be me. I ask only that whatever you do, please don't put me in a tight-fitting Lassie costume and make me eat from a monogrammed dog dish.

Shipmate:
Captain, I encouraged this fight, punish me! Make me wear nipple-pinching clothespins, sir!

Shipmate:
Me, Captain! Punish me!

Captain Ned:
Stop! Stop this, I've heard enough! Your manly admission of guilt is most manful and well befits a crew of men. However, as your Captain, it is I who must bear the full masculine responsibility! And therefore, I will suffer punishment.