Sherlock2010

[Holmes is conferring with Watson from Baker Street, via webcam]

Sherlock Holmes:
Now, show me the car that backfired.

Dr. John Watson:
It's there.

Sherlock Holmes:
That's the one that made the noise, yes?

Dr. John Watson:
Yep. If you're thinking gunshot, there wasn't one. He wasn't shot. He was killed by a single blow to the back of the head from a blunt instrument which then magically disappeared, along with the killer. It's got to be an eight, at least.

DI Carter:
[interjecting] You got two more minutes, then I want to know more about the driver.

Sherlock Holmes:
Oh, forget him, he's an idiot. Why else would he think himself a suspect?

DI Carter:
*I* think he's a suspect.

Sherlock Holmes:
Pass me over.

Dr. John Watson:
All right, but there's a mute button and I *will* use it.

Sherlock Holmes:
Okay, up a bit! I'm not talking from down here!

Dr. John Watson:
[to DI Carter] Okay, just take it, take it.

[Carter takes the laptop]

Sherlock Holmes:
Having driven to an isolated location and successfully committed a crime without a single witness, why would he then call the police and consult a detective? Fair play?

DI Carter:
He's trying to be clever. It's overconfidence.

Sherlock Holmes:
[sighs] Did you see him? Morbidly obese, the undisguised halitosis of a single man living on his own, the right sleeve of an internet porn addict, and the breathing pattern of an untreated heart condition? Low self-esteem, tiny IQ, and a limited life-expectancy, and you think he's an audacious criminal mastermind?

Sherlock Holmes:
[looking over his shoulder at the driver, sitting behind him] Don't worry, this is just stupid.

Phil:
What did you say? Heart what?