The Thick of It2005

Malcolm Tucker:
[answering his cellphone] Terri, I think you've dialled the wrong number, this is not the Samaritans.

Terri Coverley:
Yes, very very funny. Listen, I've got something for you, a bit of intelligence. Jamie has got Cliff Lawton as his stalking horse.

Malcolm Tucker:
Who told you it was Lawton? Martha Karney's gardner?

Terri Coverley:
Malcolm, it was Robyn told me. [Tucker hangs up] Malcolm? Are you there?

Jamie:
[cut to Jamie and Cliff] Nobody gives a sh*t if you got shuffted by Malcolm.

Cliff Lawton:
I will never ever forgive him for what he did to me.

Jamie:
Jesus, this isn't Eastenders! This is politics! We're all in the same playing pit, Cliff, there's no clean hands.

Cliff Lawton:
Alright.

Jamie:
[phone rings. Jamie answers] Yeah?

Malcolm Tucker:
Jamie... What's that sort of droning noise in the background there? What, kind of boring, kind of low, sort of droning, boring, kind of miserable, whining, kind of, sort of boring noise going on?

Jamie:
Yeah, well you've got it wrong, yeah?

Malcolm Tucker:
Cliff f***ing Lawton. Hey, nice. Was the Cillit Bang guy not availabe?

Jamie:
F*** you. [hangs up]

Cliff Lawton:
[reading from his speech] "... to put it simply, I'm back!"

Jamie:
Oh f*** off, Cliff!

Cliff Lawton:
Sorry?

Jamie:
F*** off! You're a busted flush! You're not gonna be any Prime Minister, you're not gonna be anything, so f*** off!

Cliff Lawton:
That's your thing, isn't it? Everything has to be in absolutes, everything has to be black and white. You know, "I love you -f*** off". There are lots of shades of grey, you know!

Jamie:
I know that, I'm looking at fifteen of them right now!