...and justice for all.1979

[Officer Leary is on the witness stand]

Officer Leary:
I told him to move on, but he continued to use profanity and he refused to leave the premises.

Judge Rayford:
What sort of profanity?

Officer Leary:
You know, the normal kind.

Judge Rayford:
Officer Leary, we've all heard these words before, now for the record what did he say?

Officer Leary:
[uncomfortably] He used... "f***" a lot.

[quiet laughter from the gallery]

Officer Leary:
..."piss on you"...

[more laughter]

Officer Leary:
...then said he was gonna... "bung-hole the short order chef"... "cream on the waitress"...

[more laughter]

Officer Leary:
...stuff like that, Your Honor.

Dapper Defendant:
There's a very good reason for all of that, Your Honor.

Judge Rayford:
Oh? What is that?

Dapper Defendant:
I'm a diabetic.

[loud laughter from the gallery]

Judge Rayford:
I fail to see the connection. I've never heard of diabetes causing foul language!

Dapper Defendant:
That's because you're a douchebag.

[entire courtroom erupts into laughter, including Officer Leary before he catches himself and forces a poker face]