61*2001
Roger Maris:
[after reading a news story of him signing an X on a kid's ball]... So the guy tells me "Hey, Rog, would you sign an X for my kid?" I sign X and the son of a b*tch takes off! I was going to give him a real autograph, I was just kidding around! We win the most important game of the season and this is the horseshit they write about?
Mickey Mantle:
[Mickey is eating eggs at the coffee table. Bob, his right knee wrapped up, rests it next to Mickey's plate] What the hell are you doing?
Bob:
Sorry, Mick. You're not the only one with a bum knee.
Mickey Mantle:
I don't know what smells worse, your foot or these eggs.
Roger Maris:
This is horseshit. Horseshit. I never make a kid cry.
Mickey Mantle:
For a guy that hates the press, you sure do read alot of it.
Roger Maris:
Well, if they want to talk about what happens on the field, I say that's fair game. But this, this is cheap shot bullshit!
Mickey Mantle:
Hey, cheap shots, man, that's how it is. In '53 I tried to volunteer for the Army, but got rejected on account of my knees. The papers called me a draft dodger. Don't matter to them what the truth is, and I still get booed for that sh*t.
Roger Maris:
So what do you do? You just get used to it?
Mickey Mantle:
No, but you got to. [Bob reaches for his foot with nail clippers] Now what are you doing?
Bob:
This hangnail's killing me.
Mickey Mantle:
Take it to the bedroom, man. That's disgusting!
Roger Maris:
[Reading the paper] "Mean-Spirited Roger..."
Bob:
You know, I'm not even good enough for people to write about. [Roger puts down the paper in exasperation] Why are you reading this stuff, Roger? It's not helping you. Listen, whether you guys break this record or not, it's going to mean nothing unless we get back to the World Series. They may have to cut my knee at the end of the season. I'm going to need that $8,000.
Roger Maris:
Yeah, you're right, Bob. Sorry.
Bob:
[Roger leaves. Bob cuts his nail but drops it into Mickey's eggs] Ohh...
Mickey Mantle:
[Groans and puts down his fork] Now, look what you've done!
Bob:
Probably would make it taste better.
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