A New Leaf1971

[the termination of Henrietta's servants continues]

Henry Graham:
Oh, John?

John:
Yes, sir?

Henry Graham:
John, do you think we ought to scrap our cars?

John:
[confused] Huh?

Henry Graham:
You see, according to your gas consumption and mileage record, each car averages 15 miles a day at one mile per gallon while parked in the garage. It would mean bankruptcy if we actually took 'em out on the road.

John:
Well, those figures are wrong by about, um... half?

Henry Graham:
John, do you have a suitcase?

John:
Yeah. I have, uh... five. I could always use another one.

Henry Graham:
Five will do very nicely, John. Pack all five and be out of this house in 45 minutes, or I will shoot you on-sight for trespassing.

John:
[stammers] I - I - I don't get it.

Henry Graham:
I'll try to clarify it, John. You are being fired because you are a cheap crook. Now, if you are not out of this house and off these grounds in 45 minutes, I will shoot you as a trespasser with proved criminal intentions... [pulls out his .38 snub nose gun; the servants backs up] and I am an excellent shot. Does that make it clearer?

John:
Well, uh... [scoffs] if you're going to act like that, uh, I quit.

[John, storms off the premises insulted]

Henry Graham:
[to the remaining servants] As for the rest of you, you have exactly two hours to get out. [yells] OUT! [then to the youngest maid, now in tears] And I do not believe THAT for one second!