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Satan:
Oh, my back. I think I threw out my back.

Gary Bunda:
Satan, are you okay?

Satan:
No, no. I threw out my back.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Witch Leader:
[summoning] When solstice lights and fire burns, the devil's dong on earth returns, and like drunk redskins tomahawk, splitting witches on altar rock --

Witch Woman:
Drunk redskins tomahawk? Are you kidding?

Witch Leader:
This spell was obviously written in a different time.

Witch Woman:
And you wonder why we have trouble attracting witches of color.

Witch Leader:
Do you guys want me to summon the devil for an orgy or not?

All:
Yes.

Witch Leader:
[summoning] Splitting witches throughout the weekend...sweating like a bunch of...Puerto Ricans.

Witch Woman:
"Sweating like a bunch of Puerto Ricans"? Come on!

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Wolfgang Ragekiss:
Someone's about to read chapter 13.

Gary Bunda:
We can all get out on Wolfgang's back. Anna, grab my hand!

Wolfgang Ragekiss:
Oh, sure. Everyone wants to be with me now. Where were you in seventh grade?

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Anna:
Why are you wearing Jax's leatherjacket?

Gary Bunda:
[deep voice] Uh, because I was chilly and he's a cool guy. And also, the Estrogoths abducted him.

Anna:
We must go save him from the Estrogoths.

Gary Bunda:
[deep voice] No, no, no. I'm sorry. I meant to say that he's dead. He's dead. His body's over there.

Anna:
Jax!

Gary Bunda:
No, no, no, no. Wait, no. Wait. Anna, no. [deep voice] He's under leaves. He's -- He's asleep with the flower babies. But he said right before he died that, uh, I'm supposed to make out with you.

Anna:
But the prophecy said that we would be together for--

Gary Bunda:
[deep voice] I know, I know. That's the old prophecy. And it's dumb.

Anna:
I just don't know, I have all these young-adult, yet still teenage mixed-up emotions.

Gary Bunda:
[deep voice] Hey, it's gonna be alright.

Gary Bunda:
[whispers to Wolfgang] What happens next in the book that I should do?

Wolfgang Ragekiss:
It's ruined at this point.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Jax:
Came as fast as I--

[Jax gets hit by a log from Modok]

Gary Bunda:
Modok. Modok, Modok! That's Jax Longstraw! That's Jax Longstraw. He's the hero.

Modok:
Jax?

Gary Bunda:
Yeah, it's Jax.

Modok:
No. [cries out]

Wolfgang Ragekiss:
Jax was supposed to meet Anna right here tonight at The Apex of The Two Moons of Gondor.

Gary Bunda:
When is that exactly?

Anna:
[echoing] Jax? Jax, where are you?

Gary Bunda:
Aw, sh*t.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Gary Bunda:
Oh, so we're in Necro-merica right now?

Wolfgang Ragekiss:
Mm-hmm.

Gary Bunda:
So that's where the teenage girls are sent when they are made illegal?

Wolfgang Ragekiss:
Yes.

Gary Bunda:
[surprised] What the...

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

[Modok and Wolfgang scream at each other]

Gary Bunda:
Alright! Okay, okay! We all work for the same people. Here take a look at my badge.

[Wolfgang sees Gary's badge that he realizes he works for the same crew]

Wolfgang Ragekiss:
Oh, why did you read the book? Didn't they explicitly state not to read the book?

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Gary Bunda:
[to Claude on phone] Claude, thank god I caught you. I got sucked into the book --

Claude:
I don't care. [hangs up]

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

[Claude reading the New-Cronomicon book]

Claude:
[reads] "Jax and Anna laid together in the straw of their naked limbs intertwined." What are they talking about? You lie together. You don't lay together. Who proofed this thing?

Eddie:
Well, I took "Lay" to mean they both got laid, you know?

Claude:
No man is gonna read this, it's just gonna be a bunch of middle-aged housewives in hell now.

Eddie:
And that's a bad thing?

Claude:
He told me I wouldn't be able to put it down. I'm literally putting it down.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Modok:
What happen next?

Gary Bunda:
No.

Modok:
What happen next, Gary?

Gary Bunda:
No, Modok. We have been over this.

Modok:
What happen next?

Gary Bunda:
No!

Mdook:
What happen next?

Gary Bunda:
I will not be pushed again.

Modok:
What happen next? What happen next?! What happen next?! WHAT HAPPEN NEXT?!

Gary Bunda:
I do not appreciate your tone.

Modok:
WHAT HAPPEN NEXT?!

Gary Bunda:
No, Modok, I need you to calm down before we can have a conversation.

Modok:
[rips and grabs the bench] What happen next?!

Gary Bunda:
Modok, Modok -- Okay, you know what? Alright. Okay. We will read up until this fish monster would come out, okay, and that's it, alright?

Gary Bunda:
[laughs] That makes you happy. I want to read it, too, anyway.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

[Gary continues reading the New-Cronomicon book]

Gary Bunda:
"The sign loomed over her lithe frame. It read 'Banishment Island straight ahead' in bold, block letters. Anna Francelica sighed. She knew today, she was to turn 18 -- The day that she'd become an enemy of the state."

Modok:
Clarissa mean. Jack's made with Anna. No Clarissa.

Gary Bunda:
I know, but, what are you gonna do? Jax is a vampire. Anna's father hunts vampires. We learned that in chapter six.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

fly tales 1990s

Fly Tales is an animated comedy television series that was made in 1999. It featured the short adventures of a young, curious, friendly fly. The fly would get into sticky situations in settings such as a kitchen, a museum, a gumball machine, etc. but always somehow manages to escape.

– Fly Tales (1999)

added by rafa.69101
2 months ago

Gary Bunda:
[reads the New-Cronomicon book] "Meet Anna Francelica, a girl on the verge of here 18th birthday, when teenage girls are made illegal, and love is on the run.

Gary Bunda:
That's a hell of a hook.

Big N' Wide (as a book):
Hey, bro, Big red -- He don't like you reading that book, man.

Gary Bunda:
Yeah, we're not gonna read it. We might skim it.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Modok:
Modok read book.

Gary Bunda:
No! No, no, no. Modok, it's bad. Book is bad, okay?

Modok:
Modok, no read book?

Gary Bunda:
That's right. Now you're getting it.

Modok:
Gary read book. Gary read book.

Gary Bunda:
No.

Modok:
Read book, Gary.

Gary Bunda:
No. Specifically we were told --

Modok:
[smashes Gary with a book] READ BOOK! READ BOOK! READ BOOK!

Gary Bunda:
No! [sobs] Stop it! Stop hitting me, alright?

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Gary Bunda:
[to Modok] Listen, I just need you not to do anything. I need you not to say anything. I need you to take that necktie off your head and put it around your neck like a Mormon, alright?

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Gary Bunda (as Teen Saint):
Hi. We're from the Church of Latter Day Saints, and I wanted to see if you'd be interested in the Mormon bible.

Neighbor Woman:
Is that hair?

Gary Bunda (as Teen Saint):
Y-Yeah. That's a scrotum. I'm so sorry. Here's a fresh copy.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

[The Necronomicon book vomits on Benji]

Vomiting Necronomicon:
Sorry. [vomits] I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh, I'm afraid of heights.

Vomiting Necronomicon:
Hey, this is a really high shelf.

Benji:
I found what I needed. Thank you.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Satan:
Do not open the book. 'Cause once you start reading it, you cannot stop. It literally sucks you in.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Satan:
How's that Sun God working out for you, Modok?

[Modok smashing a fax machine]

Satan:
I said how's that Sun -- [laughing] He can't understand a thing I'm saying. He's great.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Gary Bunda:
Modok can't read!

Satan:
You wanted some diversity down here. I brought some of these cave people.

Gary Bunda:
We wanted women.

Satan:
It's not his fault he died a million years before Jesus Christ was born.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Satan:
Oh, uh, looks like Modok doesn't have a partner.

Modok:
[yells] Modok! Modoook! Modok!

Satan:
Gary, why don't you, uh, partner up with Modok, alright? But don't look at him in the eye. It's a sign of aggression.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Satan:
Now partner up, demons! You're going topside in 20!

Gary Bunda:
Claude, you and me?

Claude:
Uh, sorry, Gar. I'm already paired up with...Eddie, do you have a partner?

Eddie:
No.

Claude:
I'm already paired up with Eddie.

Eddie:
We're together.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Satan:
Behold. "The Bad Book is back.

Claude:
So, we're trotting out the Necronomicon again.

Satan:
No, Claude. This is the New-Cronomicon. What I did is is spiced up the ancient text a little bit, and, I, uh -- I added a teenage-romance angle, and then I just sprinkled in some werewolves, some vampires. It's --

Claude:
So, is it available on iPad and Kindle?

Satan:
No, just flesh.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Satan:
Big N' Wide! Need you down at publishing asap. Having a book drive.

Satan:
Shane, Leo, you're booked, too.

Big N' Wide:
Aw, sh*t.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

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