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Bertrum:
[to Johnny] So...about that Thunder Hole --

Clancy:
FORBIDDEN!

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

Robot:
I don't care who wins. I like to see a good fight, like when Murph took down that big Russki in Frisco. Murph was drunker than a turd-house rat, but, by god, he knocked that Russian bear out cold with a body shot and a lit cigar in his mouth!

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

Dr. Lawrence 'Brad' Perkins:
The judge request your presence in the courtroom.

Saul:
Judge? Courtroom? What do you people know of justice? Of common decency? The crapper's a hole in the ground, for crying out loud, and there's only one corncob to share between the two of us.

[Mole Men Prisoner #1 still plucking his eyes out in agony]

Dr. Lawrence 'Brad' Perkins:
You were promised a full and fair trial, and that's what you'll get.

[cuts to next scenes where courtroom takes place in a battle arena between Saul and the Judge who is a worm monster]

Dr. Lawrence 'Brad' Perkins:
If the Judge finds you innocent, your life shall be spared. If the Judge eats you, it means you are guilty.

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

[Saul drawing the number of days he's been in prison by using a rock]

Dr. Lawrence 'Brad' Perkins:
Stop vandalizing your cell. We just renovated this wing.

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

Bertrum:
Why don't you sign this important document in triplicate, effectively green-lighting my big secret idea - Project Thunder Hole!

Bertrum:
A single hole so massive that it will make all other holes obsolete! A hole so grand in scope, we mole men will never have to dig another hole again! And we'll dig it where we've never dug before -- Straight up.

Clancy:
FORBIDDEN!

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

Bertrum:
Your kingship, I offer you this token of admiration. Just a simple novelty item.

Johnny Tambourine:
It's a pen!

Bertrum:
Now turn it over.

[Johnny turns over the pen that shows a naked mole woman]

Johnny Tambourine:
Wow!

Robot:
These buffalo still have a few tricks up their sleeves.

Johnny Tambourine:
I can honestly say I've never received a more heartfelt and meaningful gift.

Clancy:
Oh, come on!

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

Mole Men Prisoner #2:
I got a plan.

Saul:
You do?

Mole Men Prisoner #2:
A plan to bust out of here.

Saul:
No way.

Mole Men Prisoner #2:
Gonna fake an injury to distract the guard, then make a break for it. You in?

Saul:
You better believe it, pal.

Mole Men Prisoner #2:
Great.

[Mole Men Prisoner #2 breaks one of Saul's legs]

Mole Men Prisoner #2:
You, guard, man down!

[Mole Men Prisoner gives a thumbs up to Saul afterwards while Saul gets beaten to death by the officers]

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

Mole Men Prisoner #2:
Hey, flesh sack. Can I get a spot?

[Saul feels concerned]

Mole Men Prisoner #2:
Get on over here. Ain't no sex thing.

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

Clancy:
Your majesty, I come to pay my respects and offer a tribute.

[Johnny confused]

Robot:
That's a gift. He's giving stuff to you.

Clancy:
The kings of old believed it helped ward off the evil spirit of Otnip. Father believed it helped him rule with wisdom, strength, and clarity.

Johnny Tambourine:
Oh, um, thanks.

Clancy:
You don't like it?

Johnny Tambourine:
No, no --

Clancy:
You seem underwhelmed.

Johnny Tambourine:
It's fine.

Clancy:
It has a great deal of sentimental value. It symbolizes the lineage of the mole man royal family as well as our love of orbs.

Robot:
He said he doesn't like it.

Clancy:
Well, I guess I can just take it back.

Johnny Tambourine:
[happily] Okay.

Clancy:
So, you're refusing my gift, then?

Robot:
You heard the man.

Clancy:
Son of a bitch!

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

Saul:
What sort of topsy-turvy world is this? Mole men? Talking rocks? Maybe I am nuts.

Mole Men Prisoner:
Nuts? I'm afraid you're all too sane, my friend. The rocks talk to me, too.

Saul:
Really? What did they tell you?

Mole Men Prisoner:
This.

[the Mole Men Prisoner plucks both of his eyes out screaming in agony as well as Saul]

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

Gary Bunda:
Need a little help?

Ted:
Guys?

Dizzay:
Ted, man, welcome back, brother. We missed you.

Ted:
Well, what's all this stuff?

Benji:
We knew you didn't want to cut off the noses of the dolphins, so we're gonna do it for you.

Ted:
[laughing] Guys!

Gary Bunda:
We've never said anything about not sewing those snouts back on, so what I brought was a little bit of sewing thread and a needle and some antiseptic. And what we'll do is we'll sew the snouts back on their bodies. They'll be out in the ocean dancing and singing for the rest of their lives -- Naturally.

Satan:
Don't sew the snouts back on!

Gary Bunda:
No, we definitely won't do that.

Satan:
I want those dolphins to bleed out.

Gary Bunda:
Man, his hearing has gotten, like, way better.

Dizzay:
yeah.

Gary Bunda:
Can I just have some of the water?

Satan:
Nope. No water. Beat it.

Benji:
[to Ted] Anyway, you know...

Gary Bunda:
[to Ted] Sorry, dude.

Ted:
See you guys.

Gary Bunda:
Probably not.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
3 days ago

[Satan gives Ted a new job by doing Dolphin Haven]

Satan:
So, what you have to do is you take a hook and you slam it into their blowhole. Take this, and you cut off their snouts. Pretty -- Pretty quick. They're gonna be making lots of [imitates dolphin] but, trust me, they're not giggling. They're in a lot of pain.

Satan:
Get 50 of them done by the end of the day today, and then, uh, we'll work our way up, alright?

Ted:
[soft voice] Why?

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
3 days ago

Ted:
Troy, have a moment with your computer?

Cliff the Software Demon:
Hey, sorry about the shack, man. My CD-ROM drive's all wonky.

Ted:
I'm going to gouge your eyes out.

Satan:
Hey, Ted. Welcome back, buddy. Come with me. I got a new job for you.

Ted:
[to Cliff] I'm coming for those eyes.

Cliff the Software Demon:
You don't have the balls.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
3 days ago

Cliff the Software Demon:
$2 million worth of cocaine and hookers -- Boom, gone! I had never tried alcohol before. Can you believe that? It's amazing! [laughs] But all the solders came loose on my motherboard, burned up my hard-drive. I really did. That's what happens when you're bumping and grinding, you know? [laughs] Vegas, baby!

Troy:
Yeah, sounds like you had a real wild time.

Cliff the Software Demon:
I did. I very much did.

Troy:
Are you getting this or what?

Cliff the Software Demon:
Getting what?

Troy:
The document I'm sending to you.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
3 days ago

Ted:
For my last meal, I'd like one freshly-baked acorn --

[Ted gets executed in prison]

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
3 days ago

[Ted gets back into his dead body by using strange lotion]

Cliff the Software Demon:
Oh, there he is! Look at this guy! You're back, baby! [laughs] Hey, you look really good.

Ted:
I know we don't have electricity in here, but, Cliff, we'll get you a phone, get you Wi-Fi. We can start bombing people. Like you taught me -- More professional, you know?

Cliff the Software Demon:
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Turn around, dude. Let's see those legs working, huh? [chuckles] Yeah.

Ted:
You and me, man we're gonna do it.

[Cliff betrays Ted by eject disks to cut off Ted's legs]

Ted:
[screams]

Cliff:
[calls the police] Yeah, FBI, please. Yeah, I have a tip on the Tree-Huger Bomber. Yeah, is that $2 million dollar reward still available?

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
3 days ago

[Saul gets put in prison]

Saul:
No! The rocks told me I was supposed lead the mole men! The rocks told me I had greatness inside of me!

Mole Men Prisoner:
I'll put greatness inside of you. [laughs evilly]

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
3 days ago

Saul:
No! You can't be king! I should king!

Johnny Tambourine:
King? I'm king?

[Saul strangles Johnny]

Johnny Tambourine:
[while being strangled] Oh, wow!

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
3 days ago

Mole Men #3:
I'm sick of thinking!

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
3 days ago

Dr. Lawrence 'Brad' Perkins:
So, by show of applause...Saul Malone!

Old Mole Men:
[claps] Oh, no, sorry. I didn't mean to clap.

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
3 days ago

[Many people and creatures of the Mole Man created their own campaign video]

Mole Men #1:
So, what do you make about all this election business?

Mole Men #2:
It's confusing. There so many choices.

Mole Men #1:
If only there was someone who talked like you and me.

Clancy:
Hi. I am Clancy Burrows, and I talk like you and me. I talk about family, digging, and old-time religion. Isn't that enough?

Bertrum:
No, it's not enough, Clancy Burrows! Mole men deserve a king with new ideas and plans, ideas for a revitalized downtown...

[shows the Mole men where they transport places with hamster tubes]

Bertrum:
Ideas to tackle our crippling social issues...

[shows the Mole men being put in a meat grinder]

Bertrum:
Idead to address immigration reform...

[shows Saul, Johnny, and Robot stranded in a dark area while someone filming them]

Bertrum:
...and an idea so big, I refuse to divulge it until after the election!

[shows Clancy confused at a big question mark]

Bertrum:
Do you hear that, Clancy Burrows?! It's the sound of new plans and ideas! Or maybe you can't hear it...because you are deaf!

Announcer:
The floating pancake says he won't raise taxes to rebuild the village. The floating pancake is a liar.

Chinacula:
I'm Chinacula, and I approve this message.

Saul:
You vicious mole-men troglodytes have to stop digging those rocks. What you're doing is wrong! Dead wrong! So vote for me, Saul Malone.

Robot:
[sarcastic] Wow.

Saul:
You liked it, huh?

Robot:
[sarcastic] Wow.

Saul:
The election is as good as mine.

Johnny Tambourine:
I'm going to vote for that Bertrum chap. He's the only one tough enough to stand up to the immigrants.

Robot:
[surprised] Wow!

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
3 days ago

Saul:
Wait! Wait! Wait! I'm supposed to lead the mole men! Me! Saul Malone! There's greatness inside of me.

Anne-Zod:
He was here before you. [referring to Chincula behind Saul]

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
3 days ago

[Clancy and Bertrum sees they're father struggling to get up while caught on fire]

Bertrum:
Father, obviously you're dying, so -- Real quick -- I'm the heir to the throne, correct?

Clancy:
BERTRUM!

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
4 days ago

Clancy:
We will rebuild the village exactly as it was, down to the last carelessly placed, misshapen mud brick!

Bertrum:
Don't rebuild the village, you nitwit! This is an opportunity to build mole-man terrace, a planned community! Father would have loved --

Clancy:
Father would have eaten those plans and then excreted them out and then consumed the excretion and then regurgitated the consumed excretion into your mouth, Bertrum!

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
4 days ago

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