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Dick:
Ah, yes, the "big game." God forbid your intellectual development should get in the way of the "big game." The fate of humanity rests on the outcome of the "big game."

Bug:
Is he being sarcastic?

3rd Rock from the Sun, Season 2

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Tommy:
Is this you ride? [Henry's pickup truck] Seriously?

Shawn:
She may look like hell, she may sound like hell, she may run like hell, she may smell like hell...

Gus:
Shawn...

Shawn:
But she is fast as HELL.

Psych , Season 5

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Jack Bauer:
I am more than willing to be judged by the people you claim to represent. I will let them decide what price I should pay. But please do not sit there with that smug look on your face and expect me to regret the decisions I have made. Because, sir, the truth is . . . I don't.

24 , Day 7

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Stephen Fry:
Do you know why the grass is greener in Ireland than over here?

Dara O'Briain:
Uhm, it's because of lime stone?

Stephen Fry:
No, because you're all over here walking on ours.

QI, Series Two [B]

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Jake:
[zzz] ..Might wake up at any moment! Nahh, I'm still asleep.

Adventure Time, Season 1

added by anonymous
4 years ago

[The panel is playing Call my Bluff with 18th century phrases]

Alan Davies:
I can't stand Call my Bluff. Why are we playing Call my Bluff? It's a shit game! We've invented a really good game, why are we playing a shit one?

QI, Series G

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Finn:
How much softy cheesy for your deezy? A little? A lot?

Jake:
Bleech! NONE!!

Finn:
But you used to love softy cheese!

Jake:
I don't wanna talk about it....

Adventure Time, Season 3

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Jimmy:
Hey, I thought I talked to you about this. You can't smoke around the baby.

Virginia:
Jimmy, smoke rises. She's not gonna be tall enough to breath it for a long time.

Raising Hope, Season 1

added by anonymous
4 years ago

[S.H.I.E.L.D. agents board the bus]

Hand:
You realize Agent Coulson they have these things called teleconferences now.

Coulson:
Nice to see you too, Agent Hand.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Season 1

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Lister:
I'll tell you one thing. I've been to a parallel universe, I've seen time running backwards, I've played pool with planets and I've given birth to twins, but I never thought in my entire life I'd taste an edible Pot Noodle.

Red Dwarf, Series V

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Jack:
I'm not willing to risk your life based on speculative intel you acquired from a Russian spy.

Sydney:
Why would she lie?

Jack:
That's precisely the question!

Sydney:
She turned herself in!

Jack:
She's not the first!

Alias , Season 2

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Mike:
[about his tall girlfriend] Well, you never met her how do you know she's gigantic?

Lou:
Well, I was on my way to work and I saw her swatting planes away from The Empire State Building.

Rescue Me, Season 2

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Willie:
ALF, I am sorry that you cannot watch Psycho, but if you can promise me you will stay in the bedroom and not make noise, then I will consider next time that you may babysit Brian when Kate and I are out. I got you a jigsaw puzzle.

ALF:
It's broken!

Willie:
The idea is you are supposed to put it back together.

ALF:
I did not break it!

Willie:
I also got the newest issue of your favorite comic book, Shanna, Mistress of the Universe.

ALF:
I don't want Shanna. I want Mrs. Bates.

ALF, Season 1

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Emily:
Duress impacts relationships in one of two ways: it either tears people apart or strengthens their connection, binding them tightly in a common objective.

Revenge , Season 1

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Ally McBeal:
Remember, when you're with me, it's the only time you're not the strangest person in the room. So go ahead, get weird with me.

Ally McBeal, Season 4

added by anonymous
4 years ago

[Waving goodbye to Elliot.]

E.T.:
Be good.

Elliot:
Good-goodbye E.T.

E.T.:
E.T. home.

Alien #1:
Oh my God! Look everyone, that retard we ditched on Earth somehow found his way home!

E.T.:
E.T. phoned home.

Alien #2:
What the hell are you calling yourself "E.T." for, spaz? Your name is Kleeborp. Kleeborp the retard!

Alien #3:
Yeah, Kleeborp the retard with only one glowing finger.

Aliens #1, #2, #3:
Ha, Ha! [shows all glowing fingers]

E.T.:
[gives them a glowing middle finger]

Alien #1:
Oh, now you're f***ing dead. [Aliens grab E.T.]

E.T.:
[Screams like a girl]

Alien #1:
And next time, stay lost, loser!!!

E.T.:
[Looks at Xenomorph from Alien] Friend.

Robot Chicken, Season 2

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Nigel:
Toccara, there's just something about her. She's interesting.

Janice:
Yeah, a lot of flesh!

America's Next Top Model, Cycle 3

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Tyro:
Some willow tea, perhaps?

Cicero:
Henbane, more like. I've been outmanoeuvred by a child.

Rome , Season Two

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Hayley:
My mother stole my boyfriend!

Stan:
Your boyfriend stole my wife! Let's get back at them by dating each other!

[pause]

Stan:
Wait a minute. Daddy didn't think that through.

American Dad!, Season 1

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Marian:
I'm going... [points to her right] ...this way.

Robin:
I'm going... [points the opposite way.]

Marian:
Always opposite directions.

Robin Hood , Series 1 (2006)

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Roger:
Wow he is rough on you. He is elephant-making-love-to-a-cat rough on you.

American Dad!, Season 3

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Djaq:
We have to find the Sheriff.

[He walks off]

Little John:
I don't care about the Sheriff.

Djaq:
Alright. Then you don't care about Nottingham.

Robin Hood , Series 2 (2007)

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Steve:
You sound smart like Hugh Grant the movie star, but you're stupid like Hugh Grant the person!

American Dad!, Season 8

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Helen Magnus:
We all have the impulse for violence; the true measure of a species, indeed, of a person, is in our restraint.

Sanctuary, Season 1

added by anonymous
4 years ago

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