[Very impatient] Well let's get a move-on. I've got a Gay Lib meeting at six o' clock. Superintendent, will you please read the charge?
Is a charge strictly necessary, m'lud?
[Heavy aside] The press is here...
Oh! Sorry... Right, you are hereby charged: One, that you did conspire to publicize a North London borough in the course of a BBC saga; two, that you were willfully and persistently a foreigner; three, that you conspired to do things not normally considered illegal; four, that you were caught in possession of an offensive weapon, viz. the big brown table down at the police station.
The big brown table down at the police station?
It was the best we could find, m'lud. And five, all together now...
Assaulting a police officer!