Game of Thrones, Season 2

Lancel Lannister:
I am a Knight!

Tyrion Lannister:
An anointed Knight, yes. Tell me, did Cersei have you knighted before or after she took you into her bed? [Lancel is dumbstruck] What? Nothing to say? No more warnings for me, Ser?

Lancel Lannister:
You will withdraw these filthy accusations-

Tyrion Lannister:
Have you ever given any thought to what King Joffrey will have to say when he finds out you have been bedding his mother?

Lancel Lannister:
[goes pale] It's not my fault!

Tyrion Lannister:
Did she take you against your will? Can you not defend yourself, Knight?

Lancel Lannister:
Your own father, Lord Tywin, when I was named the King's squire, he told me to obey her in everything!

Tyrion Lannister:
Did he tell you to f*** her, too?

Lancel Lannister:
I only meant, I did as I was bid. I --

Tyrion Lannister:
Hated every moment of it, is that what you'll have me believe? A high place in court, a knighthood, my sister's legs spreading open for you at night! Oh yes, it must have been terrible! Wait here, His Grace will want to hear this. [Tyrion heads to the door]

Lancel Lannister:
[terrified] Mercy! Mercy, my Lord! I beg you!

Tyrion Lannister:
Save it for Joffrey; he loves a good grovel!!

Lancel Lannister:
My Lord, it was your sister's bidding, the Queen! I'll leave the city at once, I swear.

Tyrion Lannister:
No, I think not.

Lancel Lannister:
My Lord?

Tyrion Lannister:
You heard me. My father told you to obey my sister. Obey her. Stay close to her side. Keep her trust. Pleasure her whenever she requires. No one ever need know as long as you keep faith with me. I want to know what Cersei is doing, where she goes, who she sees, what they talk of, everything and you will tell me.

Lancel Lannister:
Yes, my lord, I will. I swear it as you command.

Tyrion Lannister:
Oh rise, rise. Let us drink to our understanding. Oh, you don't have a cup. Oh, well. Smile, cousin. My sister is a beautiful woman. And it's all for the good of the realm. Go back and tell her that I beg her forgiveness, that I want no more conflict between us and that henceforth I shall do nothing without her consent.

Lancel Lannister:
But, her demands...

Tyrion Lannister:
Oh, I'll give her Pycelle.

Lancel Lannister:
[surprised] You will?

Tyrion Lannister:
Yes, I'll release him in the morning. Cersei can keep him as a pet if she wants, but I will not have him on the council. I could swear that I had not harmed a single hair on his head, but that would not, strictly speaking, be true.