Sherlock, Series 1

John:
Anything in? I'm starving.

[John opens the refrigerator and finds a human head inside, does a double take]

John:
Oh, f… It's a head. A severed head!

Sherlock:
Just tea for me, thanks.

John:
No, there's a head in the fridge!

Sherlock:
Yes?

John:
A bloody head!

Sherlock:
Where else am I supposed to put it? You don't mind, do you? I got it from the Barts morgue. I'm measuring the coagulation of saliva after death. See you've written up the taxi driver case.

John:
Um, yes.

Sherlock:
"A Study In Pink". Nice.

John:
Well, you know. A pink lady, pink case, pink phone. There was a lot of pink. Did you like it?

Sherlock:
Um, no!

John:
Why not? I thought you'd be flattered.

Sherlock:
Flattered? "Sherlock sees through everything and everyone in seconds. What's incredible, though, is how spectacularly ignorant he is about some things."

John:
Now hang on a minute, I didn't mean that-

Sherlock:
[sarcastic] Oh, you meant "spectacularly ignorant" in a nice way! Look, it doesn't matter to me who's Prime Minister, or who's sleeping with whom-

John:
[somewhat bitterly] Or that the earth goes around the sun.

Sherlock:
Oh God, that again! It's not important!

John:
Not important? It's primary school stuff! How can you not know that?

Sherlock:
Well, if I ever did, I've deleted it.

John:
"Deleted it"?

Sherlock:
Listen: [points to his head] This is my hard-drive, and it only makes sense to put things in there that are useful. Really useful. Ordinary people fill their heads with all kinds of rubbish, and that makes it hard to get at the stuff that matters! Do you see?

John:
[brief silence; looks at Sherlock incredulously] But it's the solar system!

Sherlock:
[extremely irritated] Oh, hell! What does that matter?! So we go around the sun! If we went around the moon or round and round the garden like a teddy bear, it wouldn't make any difference! All that matters to me is the work! Without that, my brain rots. Put that in your blog-or better still, stop inflicting your opinions on the world!