[Blackadder interrogates Darling, who is tied up and blindfolded]
This is completely ridiculous, Blackadder! You can't suspect me, I've only just arrived.
The first rule of counter-espionage, Darling, is to suspect everyone. Believe me, I will be asking myself some pretty searching questions later on. Now, tell me: What is the colour of the Queen of England's favourite hat?
How the hell should I know?!
I see. Well, let me ask you another question: What is the name of the German head of state?
Well, Kaiser Wilhelm, obviously.
So you're on first-name terms with the Kaiser, are you?!
Well, what did you expect me to say--?!
Darling, Darling, shh. Cigarette?
Hm. Thank you.
[Blackadder places a cigarette in his mouth and lights it. He smokes for a few seconds, before Blackadder suddenly slaps it away and turns nasty]
ALL RIGHT, YOU STINKING PIECE OF CRAP!
I beg your pardon?!
[getting up close] Shut your cakehole, sonny, I know you! Tell me, Von Darling, what was it that finally won you over, eh?! Was it the pumpernickel, or was it the thought of hanging around with a big man in leather shorts?!
[strangled voice] I'll have you court-marshaled for this, Blackadder!
What, for obeying the General's orders? That may be what you do in Munich - or should I say München - but not here, Werner! You're a filthy Hun spy, aren't you?! Baldrick, the cocker spaniel, please.
[desperate] Ah! No, no, no, wait! No, look, I'm English! I was born in Croydon! [breathing heavily] I was educated at Ipplethorpe Primary School! I've got a girlfriend called Doris! I know the words to all three verses of "God Save the King!"
Four verses! Four verses! I meant four verses! Look, I'm as British as Queen Victoria!
So your father's German, you're half-German and you married a German?!
[breaking into tears] No, no! LOOK, FOR GOD'S SAKE, I'M NOT A GERMAN SPYYYYYYYYYY!
Good, thanks very much. Send the next man in, would you? [Nurse Mary bursts in]
What is all this noise about?! Don't you realise this is a hospital?!
[is released and stands up] You'll regret this, Blackadder! You'd better find the real spy or I'll make it very hard for you!
Please, Darling, there are ladies present.
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