Leela must have impregnated me when she grabbed my ungloved hand. That explains the poster in hygiene class: "No Glove, No Love".
Wow, this is all so confusing.
Leela! How could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred, and now this? [crying] Stop testing our love!
Just remember that people care about you.
[They both look up at the stars.]
Sometimes, when I'm lonely, I look up at the sky and I get this feeling that somewhere, on some unknown planet, circling a distant star, my parents are up there, looking down on me.
[Pan down to a drain under Fry and Leela where from the sewers a pair of Cyclopses look up at Leela.]
I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost you $500.
500 real dollars? That's an outrage! Professor, I can take care of that waste for only $499 and one hundred cents.
Hmm, I know that's a rip, but I'll pay for the convenience.
[Bender and Planet Express Ship are arguing over using tax money to fund controversial art.]
Would you censor the Venus de Venus just because you can see her spewers?
Planet Express Ship:
Ugh, it's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it?!
Why not indeed?!
Bender! Ship! Stop bickering or I'm going to come back there and change your opinions manually!
Planet Express Ship:
I saw you at Elzar's with those two "ladies of the evening." Explain that.
Okay, I like a challenge. [thinks for a second] Ah! I got it. I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants.
Planet Express Ship:
Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I will!
Knowing which pickup lines fizzle, and which ones sizzle keeps us on the cutting edge of flirtation technology!
Robot Dummy A:
Is heaven missing an angel? Because you've got nice cans!
(Test subject eyes dummy in annoyance)
Robot Dummy B:
My two favorite things are commitment and changing myself.
(Test subject brings the dummy into a deep embrace)
Does that dummy have a brother?
[voice-over] As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar, a wondrous thing happened, why not. They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets, including two gangster planets and a cowboy world. But one planet was exactly the right distance to see the romantic rays but not be destroyed by them: Earth. So all over the world couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg. And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day. What? It was? Hooray!
Richard Nixon's Head:
My fellow Earthicans, we enjoy so much freedom, it's almost sickening. We're free to chose which hand our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in. And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why, we're free to spend a week with the Pain Monster.
The Pain Monster:
See you April 15th, folks!
Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You might even find the image of it festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to Freedom of Expression is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution!
Richard Nixon's head:
Is that so? Well, I happen to know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!
[Cut to the U.S. Supreme Court]
Well, I'd say we all learned a valuable lesson about TV there.
What was it?
Uh ... that we should all take TV a little less seriously. And more importantly, turn it off once in a while.
So, should we turn it off now?
Well, uh, that depends what's on.
Ah, let's just keep watching.
Fry, what's wrong?
Think about it: Seymour lived a full life after I was gone... He probably even added new songs to his repertoire.
But that's a good thing. "Walkin' On Sunshine" sucks noodles.
I had Seymour 'till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him... I'll never forget him...
[He picks up the fossil and looks into its apparent eyes]
But he forgot me a long, long time ago...
[He kisses his dog on the head, places him on the broken machine, casts a last look of good-bye, and leaves]
Per your orders, I modified my mirror to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse at the Galapagos. Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated. Now for your part of the bargain.
Richard Nixon's head:
Aroo! Very well. Agnew, you belong to Wernstrom now.
Headless body of Spiro Agnew:
Fortunately, our handsomest politicians came up with a cheap, last minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean now and again.
Just like daddy puts in his drink every morning. Then he gets mad.
Of course, because the greenhouse gasses are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all.
Once and for all!
Well now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving?
Hm. Leela. But she doesn't think much of me.
Ah, she must be The Other.
[The chair starts to tip back and Fry holds the leg.]
You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Vergon 6. But, if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can.
You really think I would have had a chance with Leela?
You must choose: The present or the future? To save yourself or to save Leela.
[Past Fry leans back on his chair and blows his noise maker. Future Fry blows the chair and Past Fry tumbles back into the cryo-tube which freezes him.]
[Singing in his trademark style] I'm Slim Shady. Yes, I'm the real Slim Shady. All you other Slim Shadies are immitatin'. So, would the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up, please stand up.
How can anyone do a spoken word version of a rap song?
He found a way.
[Is lying on a table her head lying in a box] Is this some brain scanner professor?
Some sort yes. In France it is called a guillotine! [Pulls a lever]
AAGH!!! [Gets off the table just as the knife flies down and slices the box in half] Professor!! Can't you examine my brain without removing it???!
I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him.
Soothe us with sweet lies.
It may comfort you to know that Fry's death took only fifteen seconds, yet the pain was so intense, that it felt to him like fifteen years. And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels.
Turn off that crap-o-rama! One mistake now, and Bender will be trapped forever between the already ill-defined robot sexes. [Uses a hammer and a chisel on Bender]
Well, Bender, I hope this has taught you a lesson about changing your sex to win five gold medals.
[Soft voice] It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself.
[Continuing in a soft voice] If only somehow, some way...he and I could drive to Vegas pick up some floozy-bots and void their warranties all night long! Whoo!
Yay, my buddy's home!
Ladies and gentlemen, my killbot has Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available.
Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby!
No one calls me that! I'm having at you!
Such senseless violence.
Come on, let's go for a paddle-boat ride.
[In a hippe-like universe]
Dig it! All you fitting in this box is like seriously freaked up!
Nonsense, there's a whole universe in there.
Dude, there's a universe in all of us.
Right on, Professor Freaksworth!
[Prof. Farnsworth-420 trys to give Farnsworth-A a flower.]
Get a job!
[In Universe XVII, a Roman Empire-like universe]
Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe! [He opens his chest cabinet and pulls out a crock o' gold.]
Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine ... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe! [He pulls out a treasure chest.]
Faith and begorra!
Prof. Farnsworth XVII:
You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?
Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine, it was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. [snores and then wakes up] Coffee time!
[Gets cigar out] Ah, mighty fine smokable...
Fancy cigar. Why don't you smoke it already? Puff, puff, go, go, go, go, go!
Don't tell me you believe in Bigfoot, you blithering ninny-hammer.
Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with.
'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one.
I can so relate to that.
[Zoidberg begins crying and hugs Leela. She breaks off from him]
Enough with the emotions. This isn't a fat camp.
[In the end credits.]
You're on a scenic route through a state recreation known as the human mind. You ask a passer-by for directions, only to find he has no face or something. Suddenly, up ahead, a door in the road. You swerve, narrowly avoiding The Scary Door.
[In a lab, a mad scientist pours stuff from one bottle to another.]
I have combined the DNA of the world's most evil animals to make the most evil creature of them all.
[He pours the liquid into a machine and it crackles and a door in it opens. A human male emerges from the smoke.]
It turns out it's Man
[Dramatic incidental music.]
Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth. Where you been all afternoon?
At, uh, uh, a concert.
Ooh, was it jazz noodling? My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax. I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised.
So musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh?
Yeah, it's weird; Sean was uneducated, unambitious. He was pasty and hunched--
[quietly] Pretty boy...
But when he played I could sense this incredible, beautiful creative soul. Then one day I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt.
[Robot Devil interrupts Fry's opera]
Look, what do you want?
I want my hands back.
[Singing] A deal's a deal, even with a dirty dealer.
Then I'll take what I want from Leela.
[The spotlight moves from the stage to Leela. The Robot Devil extends his arms and pulls her from her seat onto the stage.]
Leela has promised me her hand.
Fry, you do not understand.
[The music slows down and the spotlight narrows as Leela walks across the stage.]
I should have revealed I've been deafened by Bender, the shame, the shame,
But I feared you'd stop writing this musical splendor,
Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender,
He gave me mechanical ears, effective though just a bit garish,
In return without shedding a tear, I agreed that I'd give him my hand-
You'd give me your hand in marriage. [He gets down on one knee. The audience watches.]
Is this really happening or just being staged?
It can't be real-
Not if Leela is engaged.
That isn't what I meant, that isn't what I signed.
You should have checked the wording in my fine...Print.
"I'll give you my hand..."
Leela and Robot Devil:
[In the audience, Bender reads from a dictionary.]
"The use of words expressing something other than their literal intention",
[The Robot Devil pulls Preacherbot out of his seat and onto the stage.]
I will marry her now and confine her to hell, how droll, how droll!
Where Styx is a river, and not just a band,
Though they'll play our reception if all goes as planned,
Unless, Fry, you surrender my hands!
[Fry looks at the hands on his wrists. The spotlight narrows over him.]
Destiny has cheated me,
By forcing me to decide upon,
The woman that I idolize,
Or the hands of an automaton,
Without these hands I can't complete,
The opera that was captivating her,
But if I keep them, and she marries him,
Then he probably won't want me dating her...
[The audience applauds and cheers.]
Richard Nixon's Head:
I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving.
I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing!
By the power vested in me, by the state of New New York-
No! Stop! Take my hands! You evil, metal dork!
Share your thoughts on Futurama, Season 4's quotes with the community:
Use the citation below to add this movie page to your bibliography:
"Futurama, Season 4 Quotes." Quotes.net. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 2 Dec. 2020. <https://www.quotes.net/show/futurama,_season_4_quotes_620>.