Wilson Mizner

Wilson Mizner (May 19, 1876, Benicia, California - April 3, 1933, Los Angeles, California) was an American playwright, raconteur, and entrepreneur. His best-known plays are The Deep Purple, produced in 1910, and The Greyhound, produced in 1912. He was manager and co-owner of The Brown Derby restaurant in Los Angeles, California, and was affiliated with his brother, Addison Mizner, in a series of scams and picaresque misadventures that inspired Stephen Sondheim's Road Show

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A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.
A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.
A fellow who is always declaring that he's no fool, usually has his suspicions.
A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something.
Always be nice to people on the way up because you'll meet the same people on the way down.
Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.
Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.
God help those who do not help themselves.
Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.
I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your effort to believe it.
I have known countless people who were reservoirs of learning, but never had a thought.
I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.
I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you and education.
If you steal from one author, its plagiarism. If you steal from two, its research.
Life is a tough proposition and the first hundred years are the hardest.
Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.
Money is the only substance which can keep a cold world from nicknaming a citizen 'Hey, you'
Over in Hollywood they almost made a great picture, but they caught it in time.
Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong.
The worst-tempered people I've ever met were the people who knew they were wrong.
Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.
To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.
When you take stuff from one writer it's plagiarism but when you take it from many writers, it's research.

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