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Scary Movie 3 Quotes (2003)
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Famous Scary Movie 3 Quotations
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This freewheeling parody tosses horror movies, Eminem, The Matrix, and much more into a cinematic blender. Scary Movie 3 centers around Cindy (Anna Faris, Lost in Translation), a bubble-headed young newscaster who believes that a deadly videotape has some mysterious connection to the aliens who've been making crop circles in the cornfield of a local farmer (Charlie Sheen, Young Guns), whose brother (Simon Rex) hopes to win a local rap contest. Along for the ride are Queen Latifah, George Carlin, Anthony Anderson, Pamela Anderson, Jenny McCarthy, Jeremy Piven, Camryn Manheim, Ja Rule, dozens of rap stars, and Leslie Nielsen as the President of the U.S. No need to have seen the first two Scary Movie flicks--though a few of the characters recur, the movie leapfrogs from gag to goofy gag, plundering The Ring, Signs, and The Others as needed. Silly and slapdash, but with a decent dose of laughs. --Bret Fetzer
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- Architect: It's already begun. You're too late.
Cindy: Oh, my God.
Architect: But not too late to make an old man happy. »
- Architect: My wife and I wanted a child, but she couldn't get pregnant. Neither could I. »
- Becca: Have you heard about this video tape?
Kate: The one where they do it on the boat? And then in the car? And then in the bathtub? and he's like "Hey baby. I love you..." and she's like "Where are we?" and did you see the size of his...
Becca: No. Not that tape. »
- Becca: There's so many magnetic waves traveling in the airspace because of TV and television, we're losing 10 times as many brain cells as we're supposed to.
Kate: Oh, please.
Kate: "The cow says blank." Three letters.
Becca: Dude!
Kate: "Dude"! »
- Becca: You know what else I heard? Magnetic waves shrink silicone molecules.
Becca: Oh my God. Turn it off.
Kate: It's not working.
Becca: It's backwards.
Kate: What do I do?
Becca: I don't know. »
- Brenda Meeks: Cindy, this bitch is messing up my floor!
Brenda Meeks: Cindy, help me!
Cindy: I'm not listening.
Brenda Meeks: Get up, you little ugly bitch. Come on! Let me see what you got!
Brenda Meeks: What you gonna do? That's all?
Brenda Meeks: Ooh! I'm kicking her ass, Cindy! Yeah! What's up? »
- Brenda Meeks: I just got a weird feeling something bad is heading my way. Like when you see an Asian person behind the wheel of a car. »
- Brenda Meeks: Now who the fuck did that? »
- Brenda Meeks: There's something I need to tell you. I saw a tape. I think you should know about it. It had these really shocking images, Cindy.
Cindy: Brenda, it was Mardi Gras, I never drank vodka before, and I was out of beads!
Brenda Meeks: No, not that tape, Cindy. »
- Carson Ward: It's sweeps month. Ratings mean everything. People want human interest stories, like the one you did yesterday.
Cindy: The report on breast augmentation? It was just ten minutes of topless women. People want hard hitting stories, and indepth coverage, and, and...
Carson Ward: And TWINS. »
- Cindy: And it's been circulating and killing ever since.
The Architect: Just like Pootie Tang. »
- Cindy: And now back to you, Ross.
Ross Giggins: I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. »
- Cindy: Call it women's intuition, or ESPN, or both, but I can tell when danger's near... »
- Cindy: Cody, did I ever tell you what your mom said about you the day you were born?
Cody: No.
Cindy: I was in the delivery room with her. She was having a hard time. Then you began to come out of her. And your mom screamed and screamed in pain. She yelled, "Just kill me. Bludgeon me with a bedpan. Whatever you do, put me out of this pain." She was gushing torrents of blood. I have this all on tape if you want to see it someday. Well, finally you came out. Your mom cut your umbilical cord herself. Well, on the second try. The first time she snipped your penis in half. After all, she was drunk. Actually, drugged. We'd been out the night before celebrating St. Patrick's Day. And she thought, "Hey, I never tasted crystal meth." So she did just a little.
Cody: My penis?
Cindy: Yes. They sewed it on upside down.
Cody: So that's why I pee up?
Cindy: Yes. We'll get it fixed, honey. It's on my list of things. Right after we get TiVo. Anyway, there you were. Your mom turned to me and she said, "Hey, you want him? Take him." And then she died. And I took you. Do you know why? I'd just lost my cat in a fire, and I needed something to pet and feed. And I miss that cat, Cody. But I love you. And nothing's ever gonna change that, not even the very painful death we're about to experience. »
- Cindy: I can't belive you let that happen.
George: I know, I'm sorry. I screwed up.
Cindy: Listen, we can still save him. The answer to the tape, to your crop circles, is at a lighthouse. Oh, you think I'm crazy, don't you?
George: Of course I do. »
- Cindy: I'm looking for something more than just good sex.
Brenda Meeks: I know. You want commitment.
Cindy: No, I want great sex. »
- Cindy: So can you tell me about...
Aunt Shaneequa: The tape?
Cindy: Yes. I watched it and...
Aunt Shaneequa: The phone rang.
Cindy: Right. Then this voice said...
Aunt Shaneequa: That you would die in seven days.
Cindy: Okay, that's getting...
Aunt Shaneequa: Extremely annoying.
Cindy: Yeah.
Orpheus: Try being married to her. I catch shit about women I ain't slept with yet. »
- Cindy: Something weird is going on at your farm. I know it.
George: I don't know what you're talking about. Sometimes a sheep just needs to be pushed through the fence. »
- Cody: It's a boy. He's going to be an asshole. »
- Cody: Smoke all you want, you're gonna get hit by a bus. »
- Cody: You're getting lucky tonight.
Cody: He doesn't know you're a guy. »
- George: I have a dream.
Tom: What is your dream?
George: To have a dream. »
- George: Now everybody in the 202, throw your hands in the air 'cause Fat Joe is through / Now everybody in the 202, throw 'em up! Check it out / I'm a white boy, but my neck is red / I put Miracle Whip on my Wonder Bread / My face is pale, nah, I've never been in jail / Me and Buffy spend every winter at Vail / How many bitches have I slapped? Zero. Unh! / And Martha Stewart happens to be my hero / I grew up on a farm and I was born with no rhythm / Dr. Phil's my uncle and I like to hang with him / I can't dance / I wear khaki pants / My middle name's Lance / My Grandma's from France / So maybe I'm wack / 'Cause my skin ain't black / But you can't talk smack / 'Cause whitey just struck back »
- George: So, I'll be doing the rap battle at the 23 Club tomorrow night.
Brenda Meeks: Oh, I don't believe this shit.
George: Word! You two should come down! I'll be rappin', I'll be cappin', I'll be tappin', I'll be flappin', I'll be happen... ing. Ding, bing, wing. Yo!
Cindy: Sounds good!
George: Would, could, should, 'hood.
Brenda Meeks: Ugh!
George: Gug, mug, dug, bug. »
- George: Sue's teacher, Brenda. She's... She's dead.
Tom: Oh. I better tell her.
George: No, no, no. I can do it. Sue?
Sue: Yes?
George: You know your teacher, Miss Brenda?
Sue: Yeah.
George: She's dead!
Sue: Aah!
George: Gone forever! Died a horrible, painful death! Gone, gone, gone, just like your dog!
Sue: My dog's dead?
George: I just ran him over with the car when I drove in! Everyone you love around you is dying! »
- George: You guys ever wonder what it would be like to stop livin' up here
George: and start livin' down here?
Mahalik: Or what if we stop livin' over here
Mahalik: and start livin' over there?
CJ: Shit, my aunt Shaneequa used to live over there! But that bitch got evicted though.
Mahalik: For what?
CJ: Mice.
Mahalik: I thought she had rats?
CJ: No, rate are out side, mice are inside.
Mahalik: But what if a mouse goes outside does it become a rat, and if a rat is in the house, is it a mouse?
CJ: I ain't seen no mouse outside. That's what I'm sayin'.
Mahalik: That's because it's a rat, fool!
CJ: Damn! You mighta just made fact. That's some real shit right there! A-Ha!
George: Guys, I really don't see what this has anything to do with anything... »
- Mrs. Meeks: If only God had taken us instead of our daughter.
Cindy: And knowing your Brenda like I did, I'd say she wishes the same thing. »
- President Harris: Ah, good. The Air Force is here with those new round planes.
Secret Serviceman Jones: We don't have round planes, sir. »
- President Harris: Get me the President.
John Wilson: You are the President.
President Harris: Good. Then I already know about this. Let's order lunch. »
- President Harris: I just want to tell you both good luck, we're all counting on you. »
- President Harris: These men died defending their country. Send flowers to their bitches and ho's. »
- President Harris: You're excited? You should feel my nipples. »
- Ross Giggins: Do they pose a threat? Only one thing's for certain. We are all going to be killed. »
- Ross Giggins: Turning now to sports...
Ross Giggins: and an evil video tape that kills anyone who watches it in seven days. It's true. We're all in danger. There's an alien force that's trying prevent you from knowing the truth.
Carson Ward: Oh, no. Campbell, are you insane?
Ross Giggins: It's a horrible fate.
Cindy: Carson, I have to do this.
Ross Giggins: Correction, there really is no danger. Actually, I didn't really mean anything I just said. Yes, I did. Every word of it. Everyone watching this could be dead in a week.
Ross Giggins: Oh, shizl gzngahr, % + 7, , 193419 ckin etd vaus erstn gubl chn q shnitzi guorsn blkn (, , 18 469
Ross Giggins: I been cleanin' after this dumb-ass cracker Giggins for ten years, but I been hittin' it with his woman for twelve. Know what I'm sayin', nigga? She likes her some chocolate. Sharpton for President y'all. I'm outie. »
- Sayaman: I'm sorry about that night. If I hadn't fallen asleep while driving for that exact 20 minutes. If I hadn't drank that exact whole bottle of Jaegermeister. If only I hadn't killed that hooker.
Tom: Sayaman. I don't see what any of this has to do with Annie.
Sayaman: I'm sorry. Those were other nights. But if it had been that night, I might have missed her. »
- Sayaman: Tom, I'm going to need a ride home. »
- Simon Cowell: I thought they were both absolutely dreadful. Ghastly. I don't know what I'm doing here. This club is totally pathetic. »
- The Architect: I can't help it. It's very lonely in here. Ergo, I haven't been with anyone in a very long time, not counting myself. Or this chair. I call her... Linda. »
- The Architect: We loved our daughter very much, but she was evil. Made the horses crazy. Killed our puppies. Hid the remote. Really sick shit. My wife took her to the old family farm and drowned her in the well. I felt a simple time-out would have been sufficient. »
- Tom: Come here! What did you do with Sue?
MJ: I didn't touch her, I swear!
Tom: I don't believe you!
MJ: Please, for God's sake! She's a girl! »
- Tom: Don't call me "dude". I haven't been a stoner since... »
- Tom: George, all you've done is chase adolescent fantasies. "I want to be an astronaut. A cowboy. Gynecologist to the stars." »
- Tom: How do you like it? »
- Tom: I want to see Annie.
Trooper Champlin: She's split in half.
Tom: You mean like down-the-middle in half?
Trooper Champlin: At the waist.
Tom: You mean this is the last time I can talk to the top half?
Trooper Champlin: Yes. The truck is the only thing that is holding her together.
Tom: Let's say this is her bottom half.
Tom: Can I squeeze in a few minutes with that?
Trooper Champlin: I'm not sure what you mean.
Tom: Let me explain. »
- Trooper Champlin: Your faith will return. Just as sure as the sun will rise.
Tom: Sounds like a long shot. »
- U-God: You stepped on my shoe, bitch!
Redman: Man, call me a bitch again and I'll park your truck - dead in yo ass.
Macy Gray: DAMN, HOMEY!
CJ: Hey yo, they comin! Over here!
RZA: If I was you, son, I'd bust this shit right now.
Method Man: Ya Momma!
U-God: I got your number, too, homey.
Master P: He ain't gonna bust nuthin. I got nuts bigger than him.
RZA: Oh, yeah, I'll roll up on you too - country ass maple syrup eatin' nigga.
Master P: Ya'll want some biscuits? You want some biscuits? »
- Ward, Carson: And I told you, Campbell, no more paranoid on-air rants about the supernatural.
Cindy: I know. This station is about sex, violence, and the weather.
Ward, Carson: Yes. That reminds me. We're gonna need that "Porn Star Shot Dead in a Hurricane" story.
Ross Giggins: Meanwhile, a tornado in Charleston threatens a clothing-optional beach where just yesterday a naked couple was brutally murdered. This just five miles from where the last naked couple was brutally murdered. »
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