China Beach

Dr. Dick Richard:
You wanna keep it down? I can't hear the war.

Colleen McMurphy:
Sex is a bad word, but it feels good. Love is a good word, but it hurts.

Cherry White:
[looking in a box of K.C.'s 'items'] I don't even know what most of this stuff does.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
To boldly go...

K.C.:
...where no man has gone before.

K.C.:
Hey. Heard about tomorrow, break a leg. [slides onto the stool next to Laurette] I know things aren't real level with us. I mean I'm sure Boonie has told you all about him and me. [Laurette nods vaguely] Not that you should believe any word that comes out of that ones mouth. What a guy. Some of the things he's seen. Unbelievable huh? [Laurette nods vaguely again] Or maybe you'd rather not talk about it? O.K. have it your way. Although I'd hate to think you'd be gettin' all of this guys sweetness without taking on any of his pain. [Laurette looks uncomfortable] So, what are you going to sing tomorrow?

Laurette Barber:
[whispers having lost her voice] Big girls don't cry.

K.C.:
[Finally realizing Laurette has lost her voice] You didn't? [Laurette nods as K.C. looks wryly embarrassed]

Cherry White:
[about some of K.C.'s lingerie] How can any decent woman wear something like that?

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
With a song in her heart.

K.C.:
And a smile on his face.

Cherry White:
Not me I'd die of embarrassment.

Cherry:
I really feel for them.

Colleen McMurphy:
We all do. That's why we're here.

Laurette Barber:
Yeah, I never thought there'd be too much men for me to handle.

K.C.:
It's called supply and demand, ladies. When men are scarce, their value goes up. When men are plentiful, like they are here, the market value gets flooded.

Laurette Barber:
You're right. There's no place for us to hide.

Cherry:
I hate to say this, but if one more guy walks up to me, I swear I'm just gonna scream.

Dr. Dick Richard:
Hello ladies.

[Cherry, McMurphy, K.C. & Laurette all scream]

Lazaro:
Wait! Beckett wanted you to have a look at me. Do I look familiar?

Colleen McMurphy:
I don't have time for this. I'm still suspended.

Lazaro:
Hold on. All I did was eat this weird little fish from the local marketplace. The next thing I know I'm laying on a gurney out there in the hot sun. I just got up and went back to my unit, that's all. I didn't mean to get you in trouble or nothing. I didn't even know I was dead until this kid from Missoula showed up this morning to replace me.

Colleen McMurphy:
What?

Lazaro:
Anyway... I gotta go. By the way, being dead is no picnic.

K.C. Koloski:
Her parents cabled the General. They'd like her best friend to escort the body home. Me.

Maj. Lila Garreau:
You can't be serious.

K.C. Koloski:
Oh I'm not, but they are.

Maj. Lila Garreau:
[K.C. is escorted to the firing range by MP's] Everyone else has qualified on the firing line, today's your last chance.

K.C. Koloski:
[Empties the 6 shot clip, every shot hitting the head of the target] He's dead, can I go now? [Hands the pistol to a shocked Lila and walks off]

Rick White:
Hey, you can't back out of this now. You know you're killin' me. If I don't get out of here right now I am a dead man.

K.C. Koloski:
Turn yourself in. The army 'll keep you alive.

Rick White:
Oh yeah, they'll keep me alive, for thirty years, in Leavenworth.

K.C. Koloski:
[watching them load Cherry's coffin into the plane] It's better than where your sister's going. Take a good look, and ask me to feel sorry for you.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
[about K.C.'s recovery from Heroin addiction] You look awful.

K.C. Koloski:
I'm taking care of it. Alone.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
Good for you.

K.C. Koloski:
You don't give up do you?

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
No

K.C. Koloski:
Well I'm not gonna say thanks.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
Well of course not.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
[Coleen and K.C. are going through Cherry's things, Colleen finds an unfinished letter and hands it to K.C] Here.

Cherry White:
[Cherry's voice as K.C. reads] Dear Mom and Dad, Don't pay any attention to my last letter, sometimes I just get down. The way this place haunts you and gets inside you, and you don't know what to do with it. I'm much better now. K.C. gave me a free wash and set, it cheered me right up. You know it's funny, K.C. is so tough, and she hates people to think she might have a nice bone in her body but they're there when you least expect it. I couldn't find Rick like I hoped but I've made some real good friends here and she'll never admit it but, she's the best. We're so different yet, I can really talk to her and I know she'd be there if I ever needed her. I came to find my brother and instead, remember how I always wanted a sister?

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
Women make love with their minds, not their bodies.

Dr. Richard:
Ah yes, that explains why they get so many headaches.

Soldier:
Dr. Richard, phone call for you.

Dr. Dick Richard:
If it's Boston, tell them I'm in a mortar attack, I'll call back in I survive.

Dr. Dick Richard:
Well, someone got up on the wrong side of the bedpan!

Lieutenant:
All right listen. We got division of NVA moving up through the valley. At 1900 hours the big boy 52s are gonna be dropping the heavy stuff just outside of the tree line where they'll be coming from. Now, you guys stay here in your foxhole, you pull your helmets down to your boots and don't move until I come back. You understand? Don't move!

Soldier:
[to Dodger] A division? How many is that?

Dodger:
Too many.

Holly Pelegrino:
You need a craft. And we've got one... knitting... uhh, needlework... uh, paint by numbers...

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
If there's a god, he'll take me now.

Dodger:
You don't understand. It's beautiful. Ghosts escape from Hell. I love it. I... beat a man to death with my bare hands. His blood was all over me. It smelled sweet... grape jelly on the stove of my grandmother's house.

[laughs]

Dodger:
I don't feel guilty, I feel great. I made it, they're dead.

[Pants]

Dodger:
I'm alive. I'm alive!

[Punches wall]

[last lines]

Dodger:
[Hugging his infant son] I'm alive.

Dr. Richard:
I don't care if she marries him. I just don't want her to squeeze the toothpaste on for him, test his bathwater, grill waffles in the nude for his breakfast.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
You made her cook breakfast in the nude? [smiling] I like that.

Colleen McMurphy:
I remember thinking nothing had changed, the choppers coming in, the boys, and the body bags. Everything was exactly the same as the day I arrived, except for me.

Wayloo Marie Holmes:
Hi there.

Dr. Dick Richard:
Hi. You look great

Wayloo Marie Holmes:
Thanks, so do you.

Dr. Dick Richard:
Here alone?

Wayloo Marie Holmes:
Yup.

Dr. Dick Richard:
Wife.

Wayloo Marie Holmes:
Oh.

Dr. Dick Richard:
Well you look great.

[Wayloo kisses him and walks off, Colleen Richard steps up behind him]

Dr. Colleen Flaherty Richard:
Honey?

Dr. Dick Richard:
Yeah?

Dr. Colleen Flaherty Richard:
Can I ask you a question?

Dr. Dick Richard:
Sure.

Dr. Colleen Flaherty Richard:
Is there a women here you haven't slept with?

Maj. Lila Garreau:
Is that all you can think about? Your bank account?

Cherry White:
Oh it's not about the money Lila, It's about independence.

K.C. Koloski:
It's about money too.

Colleen McMurphy:
Men are whatever we make them.

Cherry White:
Wait. I'm really lost.

Colleen McMurphy:
Ok, you like the set of his shoulders, he's sensitive; ahh, he's got great thighs, he's responsible, he's... he's good in bed. He's... He's what? He's um intelligent?

K.C. Koloski:
On his way up.

Dodger:
[Dodger is going through Cat's carry-on bag]

Photojournalist Cat Von Seeger:
[throws aside a camera flash bulb] No flash.

Photojournalist Cat Von Seeger:
Wait a minute. That's mine. [Dodger stops her from retrieving the bulb]

Dodger:
New one's cheaper than a body bag. [Dodger continues going through Cat's carry-on bag throwing stuff out]

Photojournalist Cat Von Seeger:
Stop it! That is my personal property!

Dodger:
You're not going to a party on Park Avenue, lady.

Photojournalist Cat Von Seeger:
I know what I'm doing.

Dodger:
[Dodger throws Cat a M-16 assault rifle] You know how to handle this? Clean it, Load it, Use it? How about this? [shows Cat a knife] You know how to spot a land mine? A punji pit? A Bouncing Betty?

Photojournalist Cat Von Seeger:
Well like I said, you're the man that's going to teach me. [throws Dodger back his M-16 rifle] I learn fast.

Dodger:
Out there you hump as hard and as fast as the rest of us. You walk behind Answer Man. You do everything he does, nothing else. You step where he steps, no where else. He passes you a signal, you pass it back. You do anything to get my people hurt or to slow us up. [Dodger and Cat stare at each other]

Dodger:
[Dodger removes a pack of cigarettes from Cat's shirt pocket] Bad for your health. VC can smell 'em a mile away.

Dodger:
[Dodger reaches to check if Cat has dog tags] You got tags?

Photojournalist Cat Von Seeger:
[Cat grabs Dodgers wrist] I said I was ready. [shows dog tags] I am.

Dodger:
Get some ashes from that cook fire on the way out. Knock down that shine. [strokes Cats left cheek]

Dodger:
You too, Beckett.

Dodger:
[Cat is fixing her hair. There is a red bow in it] Charlie loves red.

Sarge Pepper:
Rule Number One: This shouldn't be difficult. Try to look unimportant, they might be low on ammo.

Sarge Pepper:
Rule Number Two: All five-second grenade fuses are three seconds.

Sarge Pepper:
Rule Number Three: Never share a foxhole with anyone who is braver than you are.

Sarge Pepper:
Rule Number Four: Friendly fire... isn't.

Sarge Pepper:
Rule Number Five: One of my personal favorites. Remember that all your equipment was made by the lowest bidder.

Sarge Pepper:
Rule Number Six: When you've secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy. They may have other plans.

Sarge Pepper:
Rule Number Seven: Anything you do can get you shot, including doing nothing. Hence the importance of Rule Number Eight.

Sarge Pepper:
Rule Number Eight: Teamwork is essential. It gives 'em other people to shoot at.

Sarge Pepper:
Rule Number Nine: Expect the unexpected but remember you can't depend on it.

Sarge Pepper:
Rule Number Ten: You are not Superman. But sometimes imaging you are is the only thing that saves you. On the other hand, it can also kill you.

Sarge Pepper:
Rule Number Eleven: Do what you have to do.

Sarge Pepper:
Those are the jokes, folks.

K.C. Kolowski:
Alright, you wanna hear a joke? What do LBJ and my old boyfriend have in common? The lying bastards both promised to get out.

Cherry White:
Ok, Let's go through the rules one more time. One, No dating geographic bachelors.

Red Cross Volunteer:
What's that again?

Cherry White:
Single here, married back in the world.

Red Cross Volunteer:
I'd never do that.

Cherry White:
Frequently broken, not by me... not yet.

Cherry White:
Oh I gotta hear it again. [Flushes toilet] Plumbing is so great.

Cherry White:
[Drunk] Hey I have a toast! I... I... Two hours ago we were covered in mud and ate C-rations for lunch with guys who were so hungry they probably woulda eat the whole lobster shell and all. And champagne? This isn't the war. Gosh, this is better than what I lived back in the world. Out there, it's not your war, it's not our war, it's their war. God help 'em.

Amn. Wayloo Marie Holmes:
[Wayloo has a minor injury to her derriere] Is there a doctor around here?

Dr. Dick Richard:
[hastily grabs the nearest stethoscope and dons it] I'm a doctor. Please play along.

Cherry White:
[K.C. puts a 'unknown sexual object' in a box] What is that? What do you do with...

K.C. Kolowski:
[closes the box] Absolutely not.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
Went to Natch's room in Da Nang, his wife was there. I thought If I met her I'd hate her, turned out we had something in common.

K.C. Kolowski:
Yeah... the bastard between ya.

Cherry White:
Nothing makes sense here. I thought those officers would know. You know I'm seeing more of this war than they are? Guys covered in mud and we fall out of nowhere like martians and they were so nice, but there's this, this hunger so strong and so sad K.C. You've never felt anything like it.

K.C. Kolowski:
Yes I have. What happened to that kid that came over here?

Cherry White:
Gone, long gone.

K.C. Kolowski:
Hold onto a little of it.

Cherry White:
You didn't.

K.C. Kolowski:
That's what I mean.

Cherry White:
[K.C. puts a 'unknown sexual object' in a box] What is that? What do you do with... [Cherry reaches for the box and K.C. Closes it]

K.C. Kolowski:
Absolutely not.

Cherry White:
I knew this girl once. Just the opposite of you, never stayed long enough in one place as a kid to unpack. Never had enough to unpack. All she had was a long string of guys with hard hearts and expensive habits, But, um, your guys out in the firebases, the rear colonels, even the girls in the short blue dresses with the dreams she never had, she um, wanted to escape America, and got here and found it... found...

K.C. Kolowski:
So what's the problem?

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
It's just not ME. I slept with one man last night and a different man the night before.

K.C. Kolowski:
Eh, we're in the midst of a sexual revolution, grab a pike, man a barricade.

Maj. Lila Garreau:
...You think I'm a fool, don't you Lieutenant?

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
What ever gives you that impression, Major?

Maj. Lila Garreau:
Most of you short timers do. My father was in for 35 years. A Master Sergeant. NCO kids didn't play with officers children. They were royalty. Nobody thought I could make it through OTS. My father cried at my graduation, then he saluted me, crisp as you please. [Pointing at leaves on shoulder] This means everything. I made something if myself. I know you think it's a joke. The army just gets in your way of your doing your job. But you volunteered, nobody forced you.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
I volunteered to help the men!

Maj. Lila Garreau:
That's why we're all here! It's not just your little corner of the world. Life is about choices. Most you make without realizing you're making them. Day by day of minor decisions that don't seem very important at the time. But then when you get older and look back, they shape your entire life.

Cherry White:
Who's that?

K.C. Koloski:
The Ambassador at large, here to see how we're winning the war.

Cherry White:
Are we?

K.C. Koloski:
Would you believe what I told you?

Cherry White:
Maybe.

K.C. Koloski:
Would you believe what they told you?

Cherry White:
Maybe not.

K.C. Koloski:
[Chuckles] That's a start.

[On her knees to pick something up, Cherry looks up to find Dodger towering over her]

Cherry White:
Hi. We're locked out. What is it?

Soldier:
The Lock seems to be malfunctioning.

[Dodger levels his M-60 at the door and c*cks it, about to fire]

Pvt. Elroy:
Dodger! Civilization baby. You can't just blow the door away.

[after a moment Dodger takes the butt of his M-60 and smashes the door open instead]

Dr. Crocker:
[about K.C] Who is she?

Dr. Dick Richard:
Whoever you want her to be.

K.C. Koloski:
Everything I ever detested, all these people I thought knew nothing, these people that I had always hated, they let me say the things I never got to say to Cherry.

Colleen McMurphy:
Why did they send you up?

K.C. Koloski:
Volunteered.

Colleen McMurphy:
You never volunteer.

K.C. Koloski:
But I always pay what I owe.

Dr. Crocker:
No, No, you uh, you don't understand, it's for my study. It really is. I'm measuring stress levels in non-combatants.

K.C. Koloski:
Well, you better find yourself another war, because in this on there's no such thing as a non-combatant. Just people getting screwed up and killed in a screwed up war.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
Hey! You owe me one.

K.C. Kolowski:
No I don't you owe me one! [Both confused] Don't you?

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
Don't tell me we've lost track?

K.C. Kolowski:
Want a smoke?

Gaspar:
[Gestures to show he is in restraints] Can't.

K.C. Kolowski:
Well you'd have to do a whole lot more than wire my jaw and tie my hands to keep a cigarette out of my mouth.

K.C. Kolowski:
I have some news.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
You'll let me buy on the layaway plan?

K.C. Kolowski:
They located the girls, they're alive O.K.?

K.C. Kolowski:
[Colleen starts to walk away then turns back as if to say something] What'd you have in mind?

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
We could wait for them.

K.C. Kolowski:
I did have a late date.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
I got a case of unopened beer. It's all formaldehyde but totally free.

K.C. Kolowski:
Yeah but it is cold?

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
Man you drive a hard bargain!

K.C. Kolowski:
[finding Coleen sewing something] What on earth is that?

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
It's a crazy-quilt shirt for Dr. Richard. Actually, it's for his wife.

K.C. Kolowski:
I trust you're familiar with her taste?

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
No but she'll love it. It's made of her husbands second home. Look we've got Boonies shorts, Cherry's patch, Laurette's dress, scrub top.

K.C. Kolowski:
He should buy something in Da Nang, something she would want to wear in public.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
You're missing the point. Each patch will mean something to Dr. Richard and he can share it with Beth-Ann in Hawaii

K.C. Kolowski:
The man's going to fly halfway around the world to see his wife and talk about Boonie's shorts? For a smart girl you can be incredibly dumb.

K.C.:
Morphine's better but Heroin is easier to score. Candy's dandy but liqueur's quicker.

Dr. Dick Richard:
I didn't save these men just so they could die.

Dodger:
We're dead already, nobody here gets out alive. Breathing maybe, eating, sleeping. They ride the bus to work, cash a pay check, wait. But your life is out there, here, always.

Dr. Dick Richard:
You're very chatty tonight.

Dodger:
55 [feet from where they are to the mortar they just heard impact] We were dead the day we got off the plane.

Dr. Dick Richard:
You know, you'd make a great recruiter.

Dodger:
[counting after each mortar explosion] 381... 217... 96...

Dr. Dick Richard:
96?

Dodger:
96 feet.

Dr. Dick Richard:
96 feet what?

Dodger:
The drop.

[another mortar round explodes nearby, shaking the building]

Dr. Dick Richard:
Damn it!

Dodger:
77... they're good.

Dr. Dick Richard:
This is a hospital. Can't they see the great big red cross?

Dodger:
Don't care.

Dr. Dick Richard:
We should get these men out of here.

Dodger:
There's no place to go. Out there, the V.C., they own it. They'll come in along the river. Through the wires in twos. Break off along the perimeter, 25 men a side. Satchels first, then clearance, they'll come through that door one up, one down.

Dr. Dick Richard:
Not the outside door?

Dodger:
No. Never what you'd expect.

Colleen McMurphy:
[to K.C., re: Colleen's past] That's a three-scotch conversation... I'm only on my first.

Colleen McMurphy:
[about K.C.'s Heroin addiction] It's going to get worse. It's suicide on the installment plan.

K.C. Koloski:
I can control it.

Colleen McMurphy:
No one can control it. Not even you.

K.C. Koloski:
Just leave me alone. I had my reasons.

Colleen McMurphy:
There are no reasons good enough.

K.C. Koloski:
There are kinds of pain Colleen, that you can't even imagine.

Colleen McMurphy:
You don't know anything about me.

K.C. Koloski:
[chuckles] I've known you all my life. You sang in the church choir Coleen. You grew up in a nice little house covered with ivy Coleen. Mom did all her own baking and Daddy didn't pay enough attention to you because of all your brothers. How'm I doin' Colleen?

Colleen McMurphy:
This is a three scotch conversation, I'm only on my second.

K.C. Koloski:
Pep club? Senior Play? Student council? You're the girl that never wanted to share a gym locker with trash like me.

Colleen McMurphy:
You left out Pom-Pom squad.

Cpl. Boonie Lanier:
[During a massive attack Boonie runs up and grabs Wayloo] Get inside now!

Wayloo Marie Holmes:
[Wayloo realizes Boonie is wearing a dress] Hi.

Cpl. Boonie Lanier:
It's the neckline, it needs something.

Wayloo Marie Holmes:
Breasts.

Cpl. Boonie Lanier:
I was thinking of a boa.

Wayloo Marie Holmes:
Too cheap.

Cpl. Boonie Lanier:
Pearls?

Cameraman:
Too much.

Cpl. Boonie Lanier:
Choker?

Wayloo Marie Holmes:
Maybe.

Cpl. Boonie Lanier:
You sure?

Wayloo Marie Holmes:
About the choker definitely, about you...

Cpl. Boonie Lanier:
[gestures at the dress] It's Mardi gras night at the Jet Set.

K.C.:
Oh, we just trust this is gonna make a difference, huh?

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
No, they'll kill us anyway...

K.C.:
So why do it? Why even tell them about my blood?

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
Because I'm stupid. Because it's the right thing to do. Take your pick.

K.C.:
I pick "stupid."

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
Both answers will be graded as correct.

K.C.:
God, you're a pain in the ass, McMurphy.

Tran:
You could have let him die.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
No.

Tran:
Were you expecting mercy?

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
I expect nothing.

Dr. Dick Richard:
[to McMurphy boarding helicopter] I don't want you to leave!

Amn. Wayloo Marie Holmes:
What?

Dr. Dick Richard:
[to Wayloo] I don't want you to go! [turns to McMurphy] I don't want you to go!

Amn. Wayloo Marie Holmes:
I'll write!

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
It's only two weeks!

Dr. Dick Richard:
[to Wayloo] I need you! [He and Wayloo kiss passionately, He turns to McMurphy] I need you! [McMurphy shakes his hand]

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
More than you'll ever know! [starts to board helicopter then turns around and kisses Dr. Richard passionately]

Dr. Dick Richard:
[Helicopter roar drowning him out] I love you! [to both of them]

Amn. Wayloo Marie Holmes:
What?

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
What?

Dr. Dick Richard:
I love you! Come back! McMurphy come back!

Paul:
You believe in the war?

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
I believe in the guys.

Paul:
What's it like?

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
It's hot.

Paul:
No really

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
It's hot and sticky.

Mike:
What do you care? You're gonna be carving ice blocks out of the frozen tundra for your igloo.

Mac:
Pledging your allegiance to the Queen. Saluting the Maple leaf.

Paul:
Hey look I believe in my country, I'm not a coward.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
Hot, sticky, the kids, the smells, the sweet rain, laughter, blood under your fingernails that won't come out. I've held a boy as his life bled out. I turn out the lights at night and saw their faces their voices. I recognize them in everybody I see. You are a boy from Terra Haute. Played the Tuba in his marching band. I washed what was left of him down the drain. Hoped that his stain would remain on me, a kiss you don't want to wash from your cheek. A boy's life reduced to a dried bloodstain on my hands that won't come out and when it does come out I don't want it to. Ever. And what if I forget? What if I can't remember? Are they gone forever? One boy had this ring, it was a class ring. I can't remember whether his hand was black, white, yellow, red, brown, I can't remember his face. Just that ring as he died. What's Vietnam like? It's Heat, Sticky, Smells, Laughter, and I won't forget them. Ever.

Mike:
Amen

K.C. Kolowski:
We both know what happened out there.

Cpl. Boonie Lanier:
No, you don't. Even YOU don't know what happened.

K.C. Kolowski:
But I felt it. When you came back. Skinny, scared, just wanting someone to hold on to you.

Cpl. Boonie Lanier:
You took care of me.

K.C. Kolowski:
Every time you looked at me. Every time we made love. I couldn't stop feeling it, I still do, when I look at you, when I see that damn scar they gave you.

Cpl. Boonie Lanier:
Touch it K.C.

[Takes her hand and moves it to his scar]

K.C. Kolowski:
Boonie you're scaring me.

Cpl. Boonie Lanier:
Come on, touch it. See? It's tougher, the skin's healed. I'm not skinny any more, I'm not scared.

K.C. Kolowski:
I am.

Cpl. Boonie Lanier:
I know, I feel it.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
[unwrapping the pistol she kept for Dodger while he was in the hospital in Japan] So she carefully unwrapped the swaddling clothes and lifted the tiny orphan up to the sunlight.

Sgt. Evan 'Dodger' Winslow:
I didn't think you'd give it back.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
I said I would.

[McMurphy wakes up on the beach]

Dr. Dick Richard:
Blessings on him that first invented sleep, Tis meat for the hungry, drink for the thirsty, the current coin that purchases all the pleasures of the world cheap. Cervantes, You'd agree wouldn't you?

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
Where am I?

Dr. Dick Richard:
Ft. Lauderdale, spring break. Don't you remember? You fell asleep in the car.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
Where's my watch? [Realizing she is in a bathing suit] Where are my clothes? How did I get to the beach? This is China Beach.

Dr. Dick Richard:
China Beach? China Beach was years ago, war's over, L.B.J. was re-elected. Are you feeling O.K. honey?

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
Honey?

Dr. Dick Richard:
Darling, don't you remember our wedding in Oahu? [Starts to kiss her]

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
We were in the Jet Set, with you, watching cartoons... You drugged me!

Dr. Dick Richard:
I never drug, I prescribe.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
You slipped me a Mickey?

Dr. Dick Richard:
Well actually it was more of a Minnie, or maybe a Goofy.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
How did I get in this suit?

Dr. Dick Richard:
Did you want the two-piece? I tried it but the color was... Hey I'm a Gynecologist, I've seen 'em before. Women.

[Boonie and Hyers are dragging the dead Col. Darling off K.C.'s bed]

K.C.:
What are you yelling at me for? It's not my fault the colonel had a bum ticker. Well? You're not just going to leave him like that?

Boonie:
Why can't we just take him back to his bed?

K.C.:
[displaying the handcuffs Col. Darling is wearing] Because he probably has a wife and three children back home. Don't you think we should spare them the humiliation?

Jeff Hyers:
Now don't get edgy.

K.C.:
Don't get edgy? A full-dead colonel is handcuffed to my bed and you're telling me not to get edgy?

Boonie:
A full-dead handcuffed colonel, with sunglasses.

Jeff Hyers:
Well, what are we going to do now?

Boonie:
I don't know. What do you think?

Jeff Hyers:
I don't know! That's why I asked you. What do you think?

Boonie:
I don't know!

[to K.C]

Boonie:
What do you think?

K.C.:
What do I think? I think we're never going to win this war!

Dr. Richard:
Well, it looks like Corporal Nichols is displaying some kind of rebellion.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
[to Colonel Darling] It's a massive frontal lobe contusion.

Dr. Richard:
What I mean in medical terms, the kid's head did a big splat. I shoveled as much of his brain back into his head as a could, but I guess I must have missed a few pieces.

Colonel Buster Darling:
Is this one of the casualties from the attack last night on Firebase Nightingale?

Dr. Richard:
No. Firebase Watertower. A few too many Brewskies.

Dr. Gerard Bernard:
[about a brain damaged soldier playing with some children] He's quite fine.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
I wasn't worried.

Dr. Gerard Bernard:
Good. Children his age usually have no problem getting along.

Nurse Colleen McMurphy:
Corporal Nichols is 20.

Dr. Gerard Bernard:
Not any more.

Pvt. Samuel Beckett:
[Beckett is preparing the body of a Colonel who died while enjoying K.C.'s 'services'] I found these among his personal effects. [Handing letters to Boonie and Hyers]

Boonie:
Col. Darling, we regret to inform you that your request for combat duty has been denied.

Jeff Hyers:
Dear Buster, the way we're fighting this war it seems like everyone is sleepwalking. My regrets that something so minor prevented your transfer. Best, Brigadier General Stanley.

Pvt. Samuel Beckett:
They don't give medals for sleepwalking. It'll keep you out of the bush, off the battlefield, but no gold, no ribbons. So... why here's one [picking up homemade ribbons] for all the paper cuts you got while you were filling out those carbon separated forms, in triplicate. Here's one for all the hours spent behind a desk sending official memorandums through the appropriate channels, and one tiny little ribbon for having died while not serving your country during a 'military police action'... which they refuse to call a war.

K.C.:
[Beckett offers a ribbon to K.C. and she pins it to the Colonels uniform] For imaginative and self-sacrificing action while engaged, for never abandoning your post, for the silly stupid, bad, heroic idea that this was some place that you wanted to come.

Dr. Joan Friedman:
Richard says you're fearless.

Colleen McMurphy:
He likes to think so.

Dr. Joan Friedman:
He admires you.

Colleen McMurphy:
He'd eat worms before he'd admit it.

Dr. Joan Friedman:
To you.

K.C. Kolowski:
[Nursing her newborn baby] Hey, hey! Don't be greedy. [making suckling noises] I got mine, well that's the attitude. Ouch! Aww, be a little careful, cause Mama bites back OK?

K.C. Kolowski:
Oh and for your information, Hemorrhoids are no laughing matter to a woman in her ninth month!

General Duchesne:
[Walks in on a General laying on his stomach displaying his hemorrhoids who thinks she is a nurse when she is a prostitute] So what do you think?

K.C. Kolowski:
I've seen worse.

General Duchesne:
Really? Bigger?

K.C. Kolowski:
Hard to say.

General Duchesne:
Well what's your professional opinion?

K.C. Kolowski:
Well there's lots of ways to go, depends on what you want to pay.