Extreme Ghostbusters

Eduardo:
Three hours of crawling in the sewers for electric leeches and what do we get?

Egon:
Exposure to every known toxin and effluent in this city. Not a total loss.

Egon:
Look, just because my hair is turning grey, and I'm getting flabby, my eyesight and hearing have diminished, my metabolic rate has slowed down, and I'm no longer producing brain cells, doesn't mean I'm getting old.

Garrett:
Oh, stupid bipeds!

Kylie:
If you'd just been rudely awakened after 30 years how would you feel?

Garrett:
Extremely hungry.

Egon Spengler:
[referring to one of the ghosts] It needs a host.

Eduardo Rivera:
You mean like Alex Trebek?

Egon Spengler:
The city's in danger. To put it in the vernacular, who you gonna call?

[Upon meeting the original Ghostbusters]

Roland Jackson:
The Real Ghostbusters!

Eduardo Rivera:
They look real, all right. Real old.

Garrett Miller:
That goo creature is putting the moves on Lady Liberty!

[Garrett's in a wheelchair]

Garrett Miller:
A son would be cool. I could teach him all of my tricks, we could race together, get him his own little chair.

Roland Jackson:
Garrett, you might get a son that can walk.

Garrett Miller:
I suppose I could still love him.

Garrett Miller:
New York, New York. The town so nice, they named it twice.

Eduardo Rivera:
[to Garrett, after his body has been taken over by a ghost] Good news is, your legs work. Bad news is, you're not working 'em.

The Grundel:
Come out and play, child. Come out and play.

Kylie:
[Janine has been possessed by a bug demon and has almost completely transformed into a insect queen] Tell her you love her!

Egon:
Is that appropriate?

Kylie:
[shouts] Do it!

Egon:
Ah, Janine, I love you.

Kylie:
You want to press your lips to hers.

Egon:
Ah, I want, to press my lips to yours.

Egon:
[the insect queen Janine approaches Egon after he tells her that he loves her and he wants to kiss her] That's it, Janine. Kiss me. Ah, give me some sugar, baby.

Janine Melnitz:
[Janine is free from Cohila's psychic control] I'll take that kiss now.

Egon:
[hesitant] Oh, that! Well, you see, that was just part of the plan. I was attempting to break Cohila's psychic grip on you by...

Janine Melnitz:
[grabs Egon and kisses him] Think about *that*, next time I ask you to dinner.

[repeated line]

Eduardo Rivera:
Maybe he's dead.

Kylie Griffin:
I'm not a screamer.

Eduardo:
Computers are overrated. Watch some TV.

Kylie:
[about the Internet] What you are looking at, it's looking at you.

Eduardo:
That's Slimer. He's our pet, kinda like a dog... but uglier.

[repeated line]

Eduardo:
Oh maaan!

Peter Venkman:
You never change you nasty green slime machine, you... bad goblin!

Dr. Egon Spengler:
I theorize that this entity will keep on ingesting matter until it's size and density achieves critical mass. And then...

Peter Venkman:
Yeah, don't tell me. It will let out one colossal burp.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
It will most likely become quasi-gravitational.

Ray Stantz:
Like a black hole in space. Instead of moving towards matter, all matter will be drawn to 'it'.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
Exactly, Ray. It will, in essence, devour everything there is; starting with New York City, then the eastern seaboard, and eventually...

Janine Melnitz:
[intercom] Speaking of eating, quick question. Does anybody want yams instead of mashed potatoes?

Kylie:
Wow. This is really it. The headquarters of the Ghostbusters.

Roland Jackson:
There's the Ecto-1! [Roland wipes off dust] It needs a wash.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
[Egon checks his P.K.E] P.K.E. readings are through the roof. This is an indicative of a major outbreak of ectoplasmic activity.

Kylie:
Ghosts walk among us.

Eduardo:
And so do weird chicks.

Garrett Miller:
So, what's the deal? I thought this was Egon Spengler's class "Paranormal Phenomena 101".

Kylie:
You thought right.

Garrett Miller:
Popular class, huh? [Garrett notices what's Kyile is reading] "Spengler's Spirit Guide". Cool.

Kylie:
You've read it?

Garrett Miller:
Nah, but I heard all about Spengler. He's an OGB as in "Original Ghostbuster". Ha, ha. I wanna hear all about how they all kicked ghost butt. [Eduardo walks in] Man, if I ever got a chance to zap one of these suckers. [Garret makes zapping noises]

Eduardo:
Yeah, right. Ghosts. Any moron with half a brain cell knows they don't even exist. I mean, you got to be a... [Eduardo notices Kylie's books]

Garrett Miller:
Real slick. Open mouth, insert foot.

Kylie:
So, why are you taking this class, Mr. "half-a-brain-cell"?

Eduardo:
The names... Eduardo. And I'm taking because it's what's known as an "easy A".

Garrett Miller:
[Roland walks in] What about you, bro? You're here for the "easy A"?

Roland Jackson:
Easy "A"? I don't really follow rap music that much.

Eduardo:
He's asking you do you believe in "Ghosts"?

Roland Jackson:
Well, I never 'seen' one, but I'm open to the possibility. Now, what I 'have' seen is the Ecto-1. That was the Ghostbusters car in an auto show. Man, these guys have some incredible hardware like those ghost-blasting things.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
[Egon walks in] Proton guns. Actually, to be more accurate: Ectoplasmic molecular displacement beams.

Kylie:
It's him! Egon Spengler!

Eduardo:
I'm all a twitter.

Roland Jackson:
[while listening to Egon's lectures] He's giving us hard data on the life cycles of ghosts as if he's got scientific proof that they exist.

Kylie:
They do.

Roland Jackson:
Are you saying you've seen one?

Kylie:
[in a creepy voice] I am one. [Roland looks shocked] Kidding. But ever since losing my great grandma rose over a year ago, I often sense her presence.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
I have to go, Slimer. The city's in peril. And to put it in vernacular: "Who you gonna call"?

Dr. Egon Spengler:
I'm breaking the first rule of Ghostbusting: Never go solo.

Roland Jackson:
[Roland picks up a device] What's this do?

Dr. Egon Spengler:
That's a spectral proto capacitator. It would be known in laymans terms as...

Kylie:
[Kylie grabs the device from Roland]... a ghost beacon.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
Correct. By emitting an ultra parasonic frequency, it allows the user to summon a ghost.

Eduardo:
Now there's a party waiting to happen.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
[Kylie activates the ghost beacon and Egon stops her disactivating it] Um, we don't want any accidents, now.

Janine Melnitz:
[coughing] All this equipment and you still don't own a vacuum.

Garrett Miller:
[Slimer eats Garrett's candy bar] Speaking of vacumms...

Eduardo:
What's up with that weird chick Kylie? She's such a big fan of this ghost stuff so where is she?

Garrett Miller:
I think somebody has a deva-vampira.

Eduardo:
Oh, yeah right. Scrawny girls who talk to ghoulies really float my boat.

Janine Melnitz:
[Janine walks in] Oh, dear. Egon hasn't shown up, has he?

Garrett Miller:
No.

Roland Jackson:
Haven't seen him.

Eduardo:
Maybe he's dead.

Janine Melnitz:
He went off by himself last night... to do some ghostbusting.

Garrett Miller:
That old geezer? He can bust a gut!

Janine Melnitz:
That 'old geezer' has saved this city I don't know how many times.

Garrett Miller:
Bite my head off, why don't ya.

Janine Melnitz:
It's just that he's let himself go out of shape.

Roland Jackson:
Maybe we outta check out the firehouse.

Kylie Griffin:
You blasted me!

Eduardo Rivera:
I had to, you were doing the Linda Blair bit! You were like possessed!

Dr. Egon Spengler:
The important thing to remember is that you must never, under any circumstances, cross the streams.

Eduardo Rivera:
Why? What'll happen? Another electric shock?

Dr. Egon Spengler:
No. Nuclear explosion. [Eduardo shocked]

Kylie Griffin:
[posessed as Achira] Eduardo.

Eduardo Rivera:
Kylie! Man, is Egon ticked at you for taking that beacon thing.

Kylie Griffin:
[possessed] Are you happy to see me, Eduardo?

Eduardo Rivera:
Uh, sure.

Kylie Griffin:
[possessed] Because I'm really happy to see you. From the first time I saw you in the lecture hall, I felt... an attraction. Did you feel it, too?

Eduardo Rivera:
Well, I don't know. Sort of. You could can stand to put on a couple of pounds.

Kylie Griffin:
[possessed] A good looking guy like you is really hard to resist. Kiss me, Eduardo. I want you too. [possessed Kylie puckers up while Eduardo does the same]

Roland Jackson:
Back off, Eduardo!

Eduardo Rivera:
Why? She's legal.

Roland Jackson:
She's a ghost! [Roland points at P.K.E. meter]

Eduardo Rivera:
Look, these things are supposed to be scary. Your story has no jeopardy. It's just forty pages of you blowing away ghosts and chasing skirts.

Garrett Miller:
What's wrong with that?

Kylie Griffin:
Hey, Iron Johns. Cut the guy talk. We got a call.

Garrett Miller:
Blowing away ghosts. It's what I do.

Roland Jackson:
So Garrett, how reality-based is your story?

Kylie Griffin:
I think what Roland is politely fishing for is... we're in it, right?

Eduardo Rivera:
Yeah, we're in it... for about a page... then we die... squealing for mercy.

Roland Jackson:
We what?

Eduardo Rivera:
Well, not all of us. The handsome guy in the wheelchair lives.

Kylie Griffin:
What a shock.

Roland Jackson:
It's okay, Garrett. I'm sure you have artistic reasons.

Kylie Griffin:
Roland, don't be such a simp!

Garrett Miller:
Hey, don't take it personally, guys, it's just more commercial with one hero. Besides, I get to avenge your deaths.

Kylie Griffin:
Garrett, you made us squeal for mercy. I am 'not' a squealer.

Garrett Miller:
Tell you what, i'll bring you back as ghosts in the sequel. Promise.

Garrett Miller:
Don't don't let em' bug you, pachuco. They may be the brains of this operation, but you and me, we're the butt kickers. Especially me. And speaking of you, I didn't know you were such a horror fan.

Eduardo Rivera:
A lot about me you don't know.

Garrett Miller:
Well, tell me. As a fan of the genre, did my story rock?

Eduardo Rivera:
Well, um...

Garrett Miller:
Go on. Tell it to me like is. I can take it.

Eduardo Rivera:
It stunk. Bad.

Garrett Miller:
[sarcastically] Right.

[to Roland]

Garrett Miller:
The thrill of the hunt, my man! The more foxes, the better. Think of it like dating... If you dated.

Roland Jackson:
I'm gonna kill him.

Kylie:
Cool with me.

Garrett Miller:
[Garret, Kylie and Rolland blocking door from possessed doge] All these people living in tiny apartments, why are all their dogs big?

Garrett Miller:
[Garrett facepalms] Ya see, ya see? He missed another chick. The man desperately needs my help.

Kylie:
Did you say 'chick'? Somehow, I don't think he needs you help.

Garrett Miller:
Hey. You don't see any rust on my wheels.

Roland Jackson:
Hello? Would you two stop talking about me like I'm not here?

Garrett Miller:
[Garrett laughs] Spengler is wack. Simple as that.

Kylie:
Egon is brilliant. He has a scientific mind that... that can't be limited by the boundaries of conventional thought.

Roland Jackson:
Kylie, the man sent us out to buy thirty pounds of fungus.

Kylie:
Okay, maybe he's a little eccentric, but he's still brilliant.

Garrett Miller:
Yeah, whatever you say.

Roland Jackson:
If she's the master...

Kylie:
...then the broadcast originates from her!

Roland Jackson:
And that means?

Kylie:
She's ecto.

Garrett Miller:
Ah, music to my ears.

Eduardo Rivera:
[Eduardo tells all dogs that were free of the demi-dog's control] Go home, bad dog. Go home. Go home. Go home, bad dog.

Kylie:
Who's gonna clean this mess?

Roland Jackson:
Be thankful we don't work for the city.

Kylie:
They're gone. One minute, the dogs are everywhere, in our face, and then suddenly, nothing.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
What do you mean, gone?

Kylie:
I mean, disappeared.

Garrett Miller:
Hey! We came, we saw, we kicked ghost-dog butt! The Ghostbusters are in da house!

Eduardo Rivera:
[sleepy] Now, can we go home?

Garrett Miller:
Psst. Hey Roll. Check it out.

Roland Jackson:
[a girl walks down the street walking her dog] Wow. She's beautiful. [Roland and the girl exchanged glances]

Garrett Miller:
Hey. What's wrong with you?

Roland Jackson:
What?

Garrett Miller:
That pooch was your 'in', man; what better set up do you need?

Kylie:
Please.

Roland Jackson:
I'm... not really a dog person.

Garrett Miller:
Oh. Miss America walks by and you choked. [cuts to Kylie, Garrett and Roland riding in the Ecto-1] It's not that he's bad looking guy but the guy looks more like a 'spengler clone'.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
I heard that.

Kylie:
Egon! We have your mushrooms and we're headed back to the fire house right now.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
The fungus experiment will have to wait. We got dog problems.

Eduardo Rivera:
It's a particle.

Kylie Griffin:
It's a wave.

Eduardo Rivera:
Particle.

Kylie Griffin:
Wave.

Eduardo Rivera:
The cute little light particles bounce like tiny tennis balls on reflective surfaces. And when the surface ain't flat, they get seriously messed up.

Kylie Griffin:
Look, brainiac. Light passes through the glass and gets bent on different bandwidths creating different colors. Can tennis balls do that? Not particles. Waves.

Garrett Miller:
Ahh, I recognize that fragrance. Physics 101.

Roland Jackson:
Actually, you're both right. Planck's quantum theory stipulates that waves of light sometimes act like particles. While Heisenbergs's uncertainly principle postulates that particles of light or photons display wave-like patterns.

Garrett Miller:
Shooting spitballs at boulders, Roland my friend. Never gonna penetrate.

Eduardo Rivera:
Yeah, like you get it.

Garrett Miller:
Of course, I do. Planck's quantum theory, um... st... stipulates... um... what he said.

Roland Jackson:
Look, guys. It's simple. Light is 'both' a particle 'and' a wave.

Janine Melnitz:
It's like that stuff that's both a gum and a candy. [phone rings] Ghostbusters, now offering physics tutoring at reasonable rates. Suit up, guys.

Roland Jackson:
This place is like a maze.

Kylie Griffin:
We better split up.

Eduardo Rivera:
Split up?

Kylie Griffin:
Yes.

Eduardo Rivera:
Well, just scream if you run into trouble.

Kylie Griffin:
...I'm not a screamer.

Garrett Miller:
Where is it?

Roland Jackson:
Cover me.

Eduardo Rivera:
[turns on proton blaster] Kay.

Roland Jackson:
[Roland jumps in] Eww, gross!

Garrett Miller:
What? What is it?

Roland Jackson:
...Trash.

Garrett Miller:
Heh. Well whatever it was, it turned an ice queen into a scream queen. Must've been wearing it's guts on the outside or something. It was lovely, wasn't it? Ooh, I do love a challenge.

Kylie Griffin:
It was... maggots.

Garrett Miller:
Regular maggots?

Roland Jackson:
Non-level A, non-ectoplasmic run-of-the-mill maggots?

Eduardo Rivera:
A chico keeps her dog in a spider's web is afraid of worms?

Kylie Griffin:
Why is it everyone thinks I'm vampira?

Garrett Miller:
Black hair.

Roland Jackson:
Black nail polish.

Eduardo Rivera:
Nine inch nails.

Kylie Griffin:
[Kyile turns on her proton pistol as the zombie Eduardo approaches both Kyile and Eduardo] You're afraid of ghosts?

Eduardo Rivera:
Hey, that's not any ghost.

Kylie Griffin:
Oh, yeah. I see the resemblance. This oughtta be fun [Kyile blasts and vaporizes the Eduardo zombie]

Victim:
Don't let me fall... please... Don't let me fall!

Kylie Griffin:
[Kylie reads victim on her P.K.E. meter] Ooh, he's got a nice ecto afterglow.

Roland Jackson:
Kylie, I don't like this.

Kylie Griffin:
You don't gotta like it, Roland. You owe me one, remember?

Roland Jackson:
I know, but we're defying Egon's direct orders. I thought you respected him.

Kylie Griffin:
Hey. I respect him more than anything.

Roland Jackson:
Then why are you doing this, Kylie?

Kylie Griffin:
I... I don't know.

Kylie Griffin:
Egon. I don't deserve to wear this. I disobeyed your orders.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
I'm glad you did, Kylie.

Kylie Griffin:
You are?

Dr. Egon Spengler:
Yes. If you hadn't, Jack might have been lost forever. You see, the ooze sample I analyzed threw me off track because it was somehow saturated with... ear wax.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
Kylie, you took part in a serious breach of security, tonight.

Kylie Griffin:
Egon, I take full responsibility for everything.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
We'll discuss your conduct, later. Right now, we have a very dangerous situation on our hands. Okay, you're the Grundel. You've been trapped in the containment unit for ten years and you just escaped. Where would you go?

Garrett Miller:
Somewhere that's got dancing girls in an all-you-can-eat buffet?

Kylie Griffin:
No. I'd go after a willing child.

Eduardo Rivera:
This is New York, girl. Take your pick.

Kylie Griffin:
Not just any willing child. One I've already got my claws in... Casey.

The Grundel:
Oh, I waited for this moment, Kylie. Ten long years.

Kylie Griffin:
You don't scare me. You can't make me one of yours!

The Grundel:
I have no delusions. I just wanna see you scream, forever.

Kylie Griffin:
[Kylie reaches for her proton pistol but gets captured] No!

The Grundel:
Hahahahahaha! [Roland blasts the Grundel from behind]

Roland Jackson:
Nobody touches my family! [Kylie throws trap and captures the Grundel] You alright?

Kylie Griffin:
Yeah, now I owe 'you' one. [Bopped Roland's gut]

Kylie Griffin:
[Kylie tries to hook up projector valve] C'mon, c'mon!

Roland Jackson:
[clears throat startling Kylie] I knew you'd be here.

Kylie Griffin:
[Kylie drops projector valve] What are you gonna do, Roland? 'Bust' me? You don't have to help, you know. We're 'even', remember?

Roland Jackson:
I 'wanna' help.

[picks up projector valve and hooks it up to the containment unit]

Roland Jackson:
On the bridge. It was Jack, wasn't it?

Kylie Griffin:
...yeah.

Kylie Griffin:
I remember now. You took Jack!

The Grundel:
Only because I couldn't have you, Kylie.

Kylie Griffin:
Where is he? What did you do with Jack?

Dr. Egon Spengler:
[in background] What do you mean, 'someone's in the house'?

The Grundel:
Sounds like Egon. Why I haven't seen his smiling face in years.

Roland Jackson:
Well, you're not gonna see it, now.

Kylie Griffin:
[Kylie tries to stop Roland] No! Jack!

Roland Jackson:
Are you crazy? Egon's coming.

The Grundel:
Pity. Guess you'll never know about 'Jack'. [Grundel is sucked back in the containment unit while Roland and Kylie are forced to hide behind the desk]

Dr. Egon Spengler:
[Egon puts on a flashlight] You see, Slimer? It's just the storm.

Roland Jackson:
[Egon and Slimer leave the basement] That was too close. Who the heck is Jack?

Kylie Griffin:
A friend. My only friend. He was seven years old... when he... disappeared. Jack never came back. Nobody believed my story. I must've blocked it from my memory until now.

Roland Jackson:
Look, Kylie, I'm sorry, but the Grundel. He could be messing with your mind. Egon said, every child that transformed into a Grundel changed back. Why not Jack?

Kylie Griffin:
I... I don't know, but I'm gonna find out.

Roland Jackson:
We'll find out some other way. This is too risky. [Roland and Kylie moved the projector back in the storage closet] And we're even.

Roland Jackson:
[after Kylie saves Roland from falling off a cliff after being attacked by the Grundel] Kylie, I owe you one. A 'big' one.

Kylie Griffin:
Egon, that thing at the window. It tried to get the boy to come out and play. We 'must' be dealing with the Grundel.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
That was my first thought, Kylie, but... it's highly unlikely. You see, there's only one Grundel and Ray, Winston, Peter and I trapped it ten years ago.

Kylie Griffin:
You said it transformed children into Grundels.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
Every child returned to his or her normal state when we captured it.

Kylie Griffin:
Well, how can you be sure it's still trapped?

Roland Jackson:
There's one way. Check the containment unit.

Casey Jackson:
Yes!

Eduardo Rivera:
Was it your Grundel?

Kylie Griffin:
No. Egon was right. It wasn't a Grundel.

Roland Jackson:
Looking for the Grundel?

Garrett Miller:
No, you.

Kylie Griffin:
I don't wanna alarm you, Roland, but we should keep an eye on Casey.

Roland Jackson:
Why? The Grundel doesn't want him. The Grundel wants bad kids.

Garrett Miller:
Hello? Earth to Roland.

Roland Jackson:
[confused] What?

Dr. Egon Spengler:
I couldn't save him. He let go.

Kylie Griffin:
He let go a long time ago, Egon.

Egon:
[from transmitter] Egon here. Can anyone here me? Did you find the boys?

Eduardo:
Yeah, they're okay but the house got Garrett and Kylie and Roland are dead!

Egon:
What?

Kylie:
[Kylie and Roland get up from the rubble] We're not dead. Roland and I are fine, Egon.

Egon:
[from transmitter] And Garrett?

Eduardo:
[they look towards the house, which growls] Definitely dead.

Egon:
[through the intercom] Egon here, can anyone hear me? Did you find the boys?

Eduardo:
[picking it up] Yeah, they're okay! But the house got Garrett, and Kylie and Roland are dead!

Egon:
*What*?

Kylie:
[crawling out of the debris] We're not dead! Roland and I are fine, Egon.

Egon:
And, Garrett?

Eduardo:
[looks at the possessed house that Garrett is in] Definitely dead.

Garrett Miller:
Urban renewal, Ghostbuster style.

Len:
Alright!

Frankie:
Are you Batman?

Roland Jackson:
I'm his cousin. Ghostbuster Man.

Eduardo Rivera:
Don't jump!

Roland Jackson:
I'm not jumping.

Garrett Miller:
So, whatcha ya doin', Ro? Spitting on people?

Roland Jackson:
[Slimer harks spit] No. [Slimer swallows his spit]

Kylie Griffin:
Well, come on. We got a ghost to bust.

Roland Jackson:
I'm not going. You guys were right. I wouldn't last a day on Gilligan's Island.

Garrett Miller:
Time for a little reverse psychology. Hey, guys. Roland's right. He's no good to us. [Roland feels confused then scene cuts to Eduardo and Garret in Ecto-1]

Eduardo Rivera:
Real smooth, Garrett. That reverse psychology is 'real' effective.

Garrett Miller:
I took a shot, okay? So sue me.

Kylie Griffin:
Look as the bright side you guys. This way, I get to drive. [scene reveals Kylie sitting on books while driving]

Eduardo Rivera:
You can reach the brake pedal, can't you?

Kylie Griffin:
No, but I can reach this. [yanks Eduardo's goatee]

Garrett Miller:
[the team arrived at a vehicle collision pileup] Boys and girls, welcome to Roland's nightmare.

Roland Jackson:
[feeling upset] You think this is funny?

Garrett Miller:
Yeah. [chuckles] Kind of.

Eduardo Rivera:
[chuckles] Man, if you could see your face.

Kylie Griffin:
Don't pay attention to them, Roland. We got work to do.

Roland Jackson:
Right... not a problem.

Garrett Miller:
What's the matter, Rolster? You look like your gold petfish died.

Roland Jackson:
My electronic planner. I can't find it.

Eduardo Rivera:
I think I saw it on the kitchen table.

Roland Jackson:
That's my digital writing pad. [Roland reaches under couch where Eduardo's sitting]

Kylie Griffin:
Did it ever occur to you that maybe you're a little over-reliant on gadgets and technology?

Roland Jackson:
I'm not over-relying on anything. They're just tools to help me organize my life.

Eduardo Rivera:
Yeah, well if they were, you would know where your electronic planner is.

Roland Jackson:
Very funny.

Garrett Miller:
Rolster, you're such a technofreak. You wouldn't last two days on Gilligan's Island.

Roland Jackson:
Sure I would. I uplink the modem on my laptop to remote radio bandwidth then I signal an S.O.S. to the passing ship.

Eduardo Rivera:
...okay?

Janine Melnitz:
Roland, were you looking for this? [Janine reveals Roland's electronic planner]

Roland Jackson:
Yes! Thank you. Where was it?

Janine Melnitz:
Slimer had it. He was trying to make a meal of your screensaver.

Slimer:
Sorry.

Garrett Miller:
Lotan's gone.

Eduardo Rivera:
So's malkrob.

Kylie Griffin:
He did what he came to do.

Roland Jackson:
Hey, my P.K.E. meter's working. And so is my watch. And so are the runaway lights. It all works! It all works!

Garrett Miller:
We need to get this guy a girlfriend.

Kylie Griffin:
Alright, Shanbahac! Time to come out and fight like a ghost!

Kylie Griffin:
I saw this documentary on how global warming is caused by deforestation for cattle grating. Do you realize that by cutting out meat just three times a week, we can...

Garrett Miller:
Real noble, Kylie, but I didn't claw all the way up to the top of the food chain just to eat like a rabbit.

Garrett Miller:
You know, I think there's something to this vegetarian stuff. I say, eat the plants before they eat us.

Kylie Griffin:
Kuja is a necessary part of the equal balance of the rainforest. All you can think about is destroying things.

Garrett Miller:
I say Kuja's got that covered. I just wanna give your pal a good home... in the containment unit.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
Perhaps if you could identify the demon image you saw on the plant.

Eduardo Rivera:
I... I don't know. It went by in like a split second.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
Then the only other thing we need to go on is this sample you recovered. I identify it as 'Unsidiom Demonium'.

Garrett Miller:
And?

Dr. Egon Spengler:
And it's a rare hybrid found only in the amazon basin.

Kylie Griffin:
The rainforest. Maybe all this plant activity is nature's revenge for everything humanity has done to her.

Garrett Miller:
Or maybe the tree huggers stirred up the veggies so much that they started hugging back.

Kylie Griffin:
What is it with you and plants?

Garrett Miller:
Why don't you ask the pod person.

Kylie Griffin:
[Kylie answers a phone call] Ghostbusters.

P. Brenner:
Help! The plants! They've got me!

Kylie Griffin:
Real funny, Garrett. [Kylie hangs up while suddenly Garrett and Roland walked in]

Garrett Miller:
Excuse me?

Kylie Griffin:
That wasn't you?

Garrett Miller:
Apparently not.

Kylie Griffin:
...oh no! I just hung up on somebody who needed us. What am I gonna do?

Garrett Miller:
You know, this kinda thing might not happen if you got a little more protein in you diet.

Eduardo Rivera:
Don't wanna come out, Shanbahac? How bout I choke you out. [Eduardo sprays fire extinguisher at Shanbahac]

Kylie Griffin:
You bonehead! That's carbon dioxide!

Eduardo Rivera:
So?

Kylie Griffin:
What do you think plants breathe? You're just feeding them.

Eduardo Rivera:
[Shanbahac gets stronger] Um... anybody got a plan 'B'?

Kylie Griffin:
How bout... Runnn!

Kylie Griffin:
I'm just gonna put you to sleep for awhile. This is for your own good. [Kylie throws shanbahac in the air and prepares to freeze it]

Roland Jackson:
Kylie, no!

Kylie Griffin:
[Eduardo tackles Kylie] Uhh! Get off of me!

Roland Jackson:
That wasn't Kuja. It's a demon named shanbahac. It exterminates people. And if you freeze it, it will stay dormant for 2,000 years. And so do it's victims.

Kylie Griffin:
Oh, no. Garrett.

Eduardo Rivera:
Oh, man. Garrett got cabbage-patched.

Kylie Griffin:
There's a part of Janine still in there. Let Janine know your true feelings. Go on. You know what I mean.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
Um, right. [Ahem] Janine! It's me! Egon!

Janine Melnitz:
Egon...

Dr. Egon Spengler:
You must come back! We'll never find another office manager like you!

Kylie Griffin:
No, no! Tell her you love her!

Dr. Egon Spengler:
Is that appropriate?

Kylie Griffin:
Do it!

Janine Melnitz:
Janine, I... love you.

Kylie Griffin:
You wanna press your lips to hers.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
Um... I want... to press my lips... to yours.

Luko:
You cannot stop my final function!

Roland Jackson:
Function this! [Roland activates ghost trap and traps Luko while the machine explodes safely] Gotcha.

Eduardo Rivera:
Impressive, yes.

Roland Jackson:
I built out of a bunch of old stuff we had lying around. Impressive, yes?

Eduardo Rivera:
Impressive, no.

Garrett Miller:
[bangs on Roland's invention] What is it?

Dr. Egon Spengler:
Clearly influenced by the early Duchamp.

Kylie Griffin:
With the anti-Bauhaus Gestalt.

Roland Jackson:
Huh? It's a trash compactor. Check it out. [Roland throws a can into the compactor]

Eduardo Rivera:
That figures. Even Roland's trash is square.

Roland Jackson:
Gimme that! I like to see you guys make something out of nothing.

Garrett Miller:
Hey, take a pill, roll. We thought you trying to, you know, make a piece of art or something.

Roland Jackson:
You want art? I'll give you art. Here look at this. What do you think of that? Come on, ol' art critics.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
Wow. Now this is interesting.

Garrett Miller:
Dynamic. It moves me.

Kylie Griffin:
Yeah, very Jackson Pollock-y.

Eduardo Rivera:
A lot better than that can masher.

Roland Jackson:
It's a rag! I wipe my hands on it.

Eduardo Rivera:
Get outta here!

Roland Jackson:
No, you get outta here.

Kylie Griffin:
Oops.

Garrett Miller:
This better be good. I was in the middle of a dream about Christie Brinkley.

Eduardo Rivera:
Huh? I was dreaming about Christy Turlington. Rawr!

Kylie Griffin:
Shut up... Christian Slater.

Eduardo Rivera:
What about you, Roland?

Roland Jackson:
Gee, I don't know. Do square people with square lives and square trash even have dreams?

Eduardo Rivera:
Whoa, what was that all about? Wait a minute. Are you still ticked off about that stupid thing you made?

Dr. Egon Spengler:
Roland.

Roland Jackson:
[monotone voice] Yes?

Dr. Egon Spengler:
I think there's something wrong with this. It might have given you a false reading. I want you to run some tests.

Roland Jackson:
[monotone voice] I can't. I must finish my machine.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
This is important, Roland.

Roland Jackson:
[monotone voice] So's my machine. I'm harnessing the music of the spheres.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
The "Music of the Spheres"?

Eduardo Rivera:
The guy's gone loco.

Garrett Miller:
[Roland takes Televion] Hey, whaddya think you're doing! I was using that!

Dr. Egon Spengler:
What's gotten into you, Roland?

Roland Jackson:
[monotone voice] I need it for my machine.

Garrett Miller:
What, so you can crush it into a cube?

Kylie Griffin:
Come on, guys. Leave him alone. He's probably trying to make something to impress us. We were pretty hard on him, you know. It wouldn't hurt to be a little supportive.

Garrett Miller:
Eh, okay, okay.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
Very well.

Eduardo Rivera:
Heh, yeah right.

Dr. Egon Spengler:
Eduardo, I want you to take me out to the site to retrace your steps from last night. I wanna know about where this thing you fought came from.

Eduardo Rivera:
Who cares where it came from. It's toast. History. [Egon glares at him] Fine, fine. [Edwardo mumbles to himself]

Garrett Miller:
Dibs on the couch!

Eduardo Rivera:
Too slow, big guy. I hear sleeping on a hard surface is good for you posture.

Kylie Griffin:
[Kylie knocks on bathroom door] Roland! Roland, are you gonna spend all night in there?

Roland Jackson:
[Roland comes out the bathroom dressed in his men's pajamas] No.

Kylie Griffin:
[chuckles] Nice jammies.

Roland Jackson:
[Garrett looks at Roland's pajamas] What?

Garrett Miller:
[chuckles] Where's the little matching bunny slippers?

Roland Jackson:
Haven't you people ever seen men's pajamas before? Sheesh.

Eduardo Rivera:
Uh, I thought men's pajamas were t-shirt and underwear.

Garrett Miller:
Hey, Ed. Whatever happens tonight, you do 'not' want to see those covers coming off.