Gakkô no kaidan

Satsuki Miyanoshita:
Why on earth did we decide to hole up in the old Schoolhouse? Why? WHY?

Hajime Aoyama:
'Cause the mall was closed? I don't know.

Satsuki Miyanoshita:
We passed up REI, we passed up Oshman's, we passed Neiman's for Christ's sake! YOU'RE... AN... IDIOT!

Kakinomoto, Reo:
They trade places with people's reflections, and walk the streets at night.

Satsuki Miyanoshita:
Kinda like Thriller. A fat Thriller.

Momoko Koigakubo:
Oh my, what a gifted Seamstress! I hope you're not a homosexual.

Hajime Aoyama:
My BS detector is going "DING"!

Satsuki Miyanoshita:
[after realizing they've traveled back in time] HOLY TIME MACHINE BATMAN! It's 1973!

Hajime Aoyama:
Holy pre-Parkinson's Michael J. Fox Christopher Lloyd Back To The Future plot ripoff device! Where's my Delorean?

Satsuki Miyanoshita:
Pre-Parkinson's? You are so shockingly hateful.

Hajime Aoyama:
I don't feel sorry for him, he was in "Light Of Day". [Shudders]

Hajime Aoyama:
I'm going to beat your ass!

Leo Kakinoki:
You sure are talking about my butt a lot lately.

Satsuki Miyanoshita:
[trying to capture the Bathroom Ghost and save Hajime] Is this right?

Momoko Koigakubo:
It's fine!

Satsuki Miyanoshita:
I don't know. I kinda failed art. Maybe I should shade it in, add some cherry blossoms...

Momoko Koigakubo:
JUST DO IT!

Satsuki Miyanoshita:
[It's the end of the day] But we were only in there for twenty minutes!

[Approximate running time of the episode up to that point]

Momoko Koigakubo:
Sweet Jesus, that was scary!

Hajime Aoyama:
Holy crack addicts, it hit the gym!

Keiichirou Miyanoshita:
[Momoko, posessed by Satsuki's mother, has just collasped and turned back into herself] Wow, she must've been tired.

Satsuki Miyanoshita:
Momoko! Is that you?

Momoko Koigakubo:
Huh? Where am I?

Satsuki Miyanoshita:
Heaven. Get Up.

Hajime Aoyama:
Aww quit making fun of the Christian. We've got to save Leo!

Satsuki Miyanoshita:
Gotta go! Move it Haji!

[They run off]

Keiichirou Miyanoshita:
That was freaky.

Momoko Koigakubo:
What?

Keiichirou Miyanoshita:
You sounded like mom. I didn't know you did impressions.

Momoko Koigakubo:
What are you talking about? Oh my goodness, do I need to get back on my medications? Tell me, are my eyes red?

Keiichirou Miyanoshita:
Hmm...

Keiichirou Miyanoshita:
Hey, can you guys hear anything?

Satsuki Miyanoshita:
You know what I hear? I hear the sound of you shutting the f*** up!

Phone Recording:
[Satsuki attempts to call the Ski Lodge] The number you have dialed is no longer in service. HEY! MAYBE IF THEY PAID THEIR F***ING PHONE BILL YOU COULD CALL AGAIN!

Satsuki Miyanoshita:
Asian trash, can't pay the phone bill.

Keiichirou Miyanoshita:
I'm gonna make a SnowMan and a SnowWoman, and maybe even a little Snow Keiichirou! but I guess i'll have to make the SnowWoman dead, because mom's dead. [She cries]

Satsuki Miyanoshita:
[Alone clutching a doll] Looks like it's just you and me, Raggedy-Ann.

Satsuki Miyanoshita:
[Doing ventriloquism] Call Me Barbie.

Satsuki Miyanoshita:
Okay, Barbie... I'm going f***in' crazy.

Satsuki Miyanoshita:
Moshi moshi? I mean, hello. I'm sorry to call you at this hour, can I speak to Tamomi?

Woman:
Tamomi? Aint no Tamomi girl here living here, so what?. Get your crack head ass head into some rehab, I aint got time for this bull...

Satsuki Miyanoshita:
[Satsuki drops the phone in shock] Mother F- [bleep] .

Satsuki Miyanoshita:
It's one thing to mess with me. It's one thing to pick on my little brother and my friends. But don't f*ck with my cat!

Leo Kakinoki:
Keiichiro, maybe you have a hidden talent you don't know about, like Paris Hilton being an actress. Oh, scratch that.

Satsuki Miyanoshita:
Nice ass.

Momoko Koigakubo:
Do not lust in your heart-Jesus you're right.

Hajime Aoyama:
You wanna be an airforce ranger; You wanna live a life of danger; You don't wanna get raped by strangers.

Keiichirou Miyanoshita:
What's a homepage?

Momoko Koigakubo:
The internet was a blessing from the Lord Jesus to spread the word of God throughout the world. but then Muslims and pedophiles, stole it and used to to leap out and seduce children like you.

Keiichirou Miyanoshita:
Get out.

Momoko Koigakubo:
Don't get out. Get safe.

Amanojaku:
What If everything was already reversed which world would be the real world? Would it be the mirrored world or the real world? Maybe the reflection we see is real. Ever though of that? Isn't that just freaking you out? Isn't that just whack crap? I'm blowin yo' mind man. And you know what the weird part is? I'm not even high. Not a bit. Totally sober.