Get Lost!

[while searching for Judy's husband, Judy and Neville end up sleeping together in a caravan at the seaside near Scarborough]

Judy Threadgold:
What's wrong?

Neville Keaton:
[tentatively] I suppose I'm wondering if we should talk about last night.

Judy Threadgold:
What's to talk about?

Neville Keaton:
Well, it happened.

Judy Threadgold:
So?

Neville Keaton:
Not sure.

Judy Threadgold:
It's possible the earth trembled on its axis round about one AM. On the other hand there's a history of coastal erosion in the area.

Neville Keaton:
Aye, the waves lapping against the seashore.

Judy Threadgold:
Your favourite and mine.

[Meagan looks out of the staff room window and sees Judy and Neville arriving in his car]

Meagan:
Does my old heart good.

Miss Langley:
What does?

Meagan:
Mr Keaton and Mrs Threadgold. Love's not-so-young dream.

Miss Langley:
Nothing personal, Mr Meagan, but you are cynical, twisted and even slightly bitter.

Meagan:
Ooo. You think I've improved *that* much?

[Tomlin and Meagan are chatting over a pint in the pub]

Meagan:
D'you know what I'd do with government think tanks?

Det Sgt Tomlin:
Fill 'em with water?

Meagan:
To the brim.

Meagan:
If I said to you "I'm sick of my life, sick unto death, I think I shall run away from it all", would you come with me?

Judy Threadgold:
If you said that to me, Mr Meagan, and I'd rather you didn't, but if you did, I'd probably kick you in the goolies.

[Judy has a reputation for campaigning for the rights of the blue whale]

Judy Threadgold:
I don't use lipstick.

Neville Keaton:
[mutters to himself] Why? Do they make it out of whales?

Judy Threadgold:
I know why Jim came back. He came for his crocodile.

Judy Threadgold:
You should be careful. You've *almost* got a sense of humour.

Neville Keaton:
That must be why everybody *almost* laughs.

[Neville goes to the builder's yard where Jim works]

Mrs Burt:
What was it you wanted? You had this appointment.

[Neville looks around, trying to invent an excuse for wanting to see Jim]

Mrs Burt:
Try building materials. That what we're best at.

Neville Keaton:
I wanted some... bricks.

Mrs Burt:
Oh well we're pretty good at bricks. How many d'you want?

Neville Keaton:
Er, four.

Mrs Burt:
Four?