I Love Money

Toastee:
[on her way out after being eliminated] Megan, you b*tch, you left some cottage cheese on your ass, it's called cellulite. Get Brandi C.'s doctor, okay?

Megan Hauserman:
[fighting with Pumkin] You're just trailer park white trash!

Megan Hauserman:
Pumpkin doesn't deserve to win. She doesn't deserve to be here in the first place. B*tch.

Midget Mac:
[on asked what he do with $250,000] Well $200,000 would go to my mama and my daddy, and the other 50 is goin' to strippers.

Midget Mac:
[pause] You know what I'm sayin'? [everybody claps]

Midget Mac:
[yelling at Pumkin] I wasn't even talkin' to you, Snow White!

Brandi C.:
Heat looks funny with the bikini on, that he reminds me of my gay best friend when he puts on my dresses.

Himself - Host:
Just like the fat kid in gym class, if you don't get picked, you gotta bounce. Aight? [everybody looks nervous]

Whiteboy:
[Brandi is doing ten push-ups and then sprains her ankle soon after] This girl is suppose to be per swaying me to pick her, and then she goes and she's breakin' toes!

Brandi C.:
[about Mr. Boston] He's creepy, creeptastic, creepy creepy creepy.

Hoopz:
[Midget Mac insulted Hoopz and the other girls] Oh my lord, I will tear you apart, I will freakin' tear you apart. I would lift your little ass up and toss you in the water 'cause you know you can't swim!

Midget Mac:
[shouting at Entertainer] What are you lookin' at Entertainer, you still live at home!

[repeated line]

Midget Mac:
Oh shizzle.

Megan Hauserman:
[about Mr. Boston] I thought that he was just stupid, but he's, like, stupid and pathetic.

12 Pack:
Brandi C. is an idiot, at the same time she is very useless in the competition. So if she's going to stay it's simply for the fact that she's useless.

The Entertainer:
[about his love for Destiney] You really know you like a girl when you have to fart and you hold it in.

Real:
I just realized it may not have been the safest thing for me to do to stick myself in that damn box.

Heather Chadwell:
[shouting at Megan and Brandi C.] You're just pissed I got 12 Pack, and ya didn't!

[fighting gets worse]

Real:
[talking about his plan to be Pay Master to get rid of Entertainer] On top of all that, I'm tired of hearin' all this

[makes "chit chat" gestures with his hands]

Real:
in the house.

Brandi C.:
[Heather is fighting with Brandi and Megan] You're not in a strip club, honey, I can hear you. You don't have to scream at me.

The Entertainer:
[getting a massage from Megan and Brandi C.] God, I'm in Heaven, but tonight's gonna be Hell.

The Entertainer:
[Heather is fighting with Megan and Brandi and knowing it'll go on for awhile, Craig and Entertainer sit down to watch in amusement] We should of brought popcorn.

The Entertainer:
[Entertainer has saved Megan from elimination] I think I deserve a little kiss.

[she kisses him on the cheek]

Whiteboy:
On the mouth!

The Entertainer:
Shut up!

The Entertainer:
[to Megan on the group outing] Do not insult my intelligence woman!

Whiteboy:
It's starting to get real real right now. Real real.

Real:
[stating his opinion why Chance refused to kiss Mr. Boston and thus got the entire Green team disqualified] I understand why Chance wouldn't do it. The other team is an immoral group of strippers and porn stars that are used to having sex with goats.

Chance:
[about his attempt at kissing Mr. Boston] I looked over at Mr. Boston and his sweaty, lizard-like lips. It made me want to just die.

Mr. Boston:
[on battling Nibblz in the "Bed Battle"] I'm kind of turned on, I've never done dominatrix before. Even if I don't win for my team, at least it will be a fun sexual experience.

Real:
[about Hoopz] I can't even lie to you, I actually do like her. She's like an amazing-ass person.

Rodeo:
When the Green team chose Chance, I knew it was on, I want to break him in half. [laughs hysterically]

Mr. Boston:
[Megan and Brandi C. are giving Mr. Boston a massage] I think I have wood. [the girls massage him harder]

Nibblz:
[after losing to Mr. Boston on "The Bed Battle"] This sucks on so many levels. Not only did I lose, I lost to Mr. Boston. Do you know how bad that is going to look for me back in Brooklyn?

Whiteboy:
[talking on the phone while the girls are having a food fight] Oh my God, look at this sh*t, dog! They scrappin'!

Hoopz:
[Real has proposed to Hoopz] [awkwardly] Oh my god why did you pick me?

The Entertainer:
This is not how I want it to end. I hate being a loser, but obviously I am a loser. I live at home with my parents and I'm 29 years old.

Brandi C.:
[after quitting] I made this decision to save Megan. I believe that Megan can win this competition. I don't believe that I could have. I feel like Megan's someone that I'm really gonna be friends with for the rest of my life and that's worth more than any money anyone could give me.

Whiteboy:
[describing the food fight to someone on the phone] Throwing apples, soda cans...This sh*t is crazy.

Brandi C.:
[sarcastically to Toastee and Pumkin] Gosh, what a surprise to see you guys eating again.

Pumkin:
What'd you say, Brandi?

Brandi C.:
[ignoring her] Eat up, eat up, eat up.

Pumkin:
The b*tch wants to talk sh*t about me. Does she not know who I am?

Chance:
[on why Megan needs to go home] Megan was clearly annoying me at lunch. This is why Megan needs to go home, she's a dingbat, she's-she's just dumb!

The Entertainer:
[to Heather, whose bikini top is coming off] Don't worry about your b*obs, everyone's seen them.

Pumkin:
[about her and Toastee moving into Entertainer's room after she eliminated Chance] I'd rather put up with an ADD psycho than be killed in my sleep.

Whiteboy:
[to Megan] Girl, I wanna stick this old throw-up tongue right down your throat at this point.

Brandi C.:
I'm throwing up and I'm eating at the same time so I'm basically eating my own throw up. It's disgusting!

[repeated line]

Heather Chadwell:
Game on, b*tches.

Whiteboy:
[talking about how Megan might eliminate Hoopz] The only thing that would piss me off, ready to kill, if she eliminates Hoopz tonight.

Brandi C.:
[Megan wants to keep Whiteboy in the game because she has a crush on him] This is "I Love Money", not "I Love Whiteboy".

Real:
It's time for my brother to get avenged. [throws a knife at Pumkin's dummy and she's eliminated]

Toasteee:
[Hoopz is eliminated in the challenge and Toastee is one of the final people left in the game] [stone-faced] It's the happiest day of my life, I feel like I won the Super Bowl.

Hoopz:
[Entertainer threw a knife in Hoopz' dummy] I wanted to, like, kill him.

Pumkin:
Real is basically screwed at this point, he knows that Toastee is the Paymaster and she's my friend so he has to kiss our asses. And I love it.

12 Pack:
This is where the true competitors step up.