Casa de mi Padre

Armando:
[singing] # Why does the turtle move so slow? #

Backing singers:
[singing] # I don't know! #

Armando:
Let him die. He's missing a hand anyway.

Miguel Ernesto:
I still say you care more for the baby cow than for a woman.

Armando:
Yes, it's true, Manuel, but only because I have not found the right woman.

Miguel Ernesto:
You are so much like your mother. She had such a good heart, and I know your heart is in the right place, but like your mother, you are not smart. You have never been smart.

Armando:
But I am smart father.

Miguel Ernesto:
Yes, of course, Armando. But for my trouble, I need someone who is very smart. If you were truly smart, you would know that you are dumb. Look at your fat head.

Manuel:
Perhaps she is lying. B*tches are liars.

Armando:
It is true, b*tches are liars, but Miss Lopez is no b*tch.

Esteban:
I like b*tches.

DEA Agent Parker:
Listen you piece of sh*t. I make one call, and I can get 10 helicopters to come over that hill and turn your ranch into a lit fart.

Sheila:
[thumbs up at Alvarez dinner party] Mexico is the best-i-co.

Sonia:
[resisting his kiss] Armando, I'm no good!

Armando:
I am no better.

Cameraman:
Hello all, I apologize profusely for what you are watching right now. This was actually the most amazing sequence shot over three days with live coyotes, two Bengals tigers and a lion, but for legal reasons we can't release the footage. Did I know that coyotes can't be trained? No. Did I do background checks on the animal handlers? No. Did the tigers get into the cocaine? Yes. Was it a good idea to have coke and other drugs lying around the set? Probably not. Did some crew members get eaten? You bet, but that's the movie biz, right?

Cameraman:
Look, I'm a good guy. I usually try my best, but I took my eye off the ball on this one. No one is arguing that, but for once, give a guy a break. In fact, do me a favor, don't tell your friends about the poor quality of this sequence. Our secret, okay? Enjoy the rest of the movie. Sincerely, Emilio Sanchez. 2nd Camera Assistant. The director made me write this note

DEA Agent #2:
Not all Americans are bad, Armando.

Armando:
Not all Mexicans are drug dealers.

[last lines]

DEA Agent #2:
Not all Americans are bad, Armando.

Armando:
Not all Mexicans are drug dealers. Are you ready, Sonia?

Sonia:
Yes. Let's go home.

DEA Agent #2:
Bye.

DEA Agent #2:
Bye.

DEA Agent #2:
[as they ride off] Bye, bye. Take it easy...

White Tiger:
[sitting on rock chuckling]