Despicable Me: Minion Mayhem 3D

Gru:
[sighs; to himself] Now, where was I?

[Margo approaches the camera and breathes on it before cleaning Kyle's smudge with her shirt]

Gru:
[looks behind her suspiciously] Margo!

Margo:
What? There was a smudge.

Edith:
[impersonating] I am Evil Clown. Fear my red nose. Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

[when Gru and Margo see her impersonating, the latter is satisfied, but the former is insecure. Gru barely avoids tripping over Kyle]

Gru:
[furious] That's enough!

[the girls suddenly turn to him, including Edith]

Gru:
[irate] Girls, will you PLEASE just let me do this?'!

[gestures to the audience]

Edith:
[approaches right next to him] Oh! We're just trying to keep things interesting!

[Margo motions Agnes to listen to Gru]

Agnes:
[disappointed] Sheesh.

Gru:
[calmly] Okay, just... just be still, don't say anymore... words.

[clears his throat; to the audience]

Gru:
These are my daughters.

[to the girls]

Gru:
Say hello briefly.

Edith:
[steps forward styling] Hello out there!

Agnes:
[steps forward] S'up?

Agnes:
[singsong] Greetings from the television!

[during the second pre-show]

Agnes:
[attempts to hand over a gift to him] Uh, Gru, I was wondering if I could give you something.

Gru:
Aw, sure, sweetie, but can it wait? I'm really behind schedule, and I have to train these guys...

[gestures to the audience]

Margo:
[eager] Oh! can we help?

Gru:
[turns to the girls] What?

Edith:
Yeah, we can train 'em.

Gru:
[thinking] Hmm...

Edith:
[impatient] Come on!

Gru:
Let me, no! I do not think so.

Edith:
[begging] Please?

Gru:
No, no. It's very technical.

Edith:
Come on! We've seen you do it hundreds of times!

Margo:
Yeah, it's not like it's rocket science, or even fourth grade science.

Edith:
[determined] Yeah, a trained monkey can do it!

Gru:
[irate] Alright!

[to the audience]

Gru:
Okay, future-Minions. The girls are going to handle your training.

[the girls cheer out of excitement]

Edith:
[sinisterly] You people are SO doomed.

Gru:
Aw, don't listen to her. Although, she's usually right. Good luck, everyone!

[leaves the room]

[last lines of the first pre-show]

Gru:
Okay, got all that? Good! Do as I say, heed my words, or pay the price!

Margo:
And have fun!

Edith:
[inpersonating; in deep voice] It's gonna be great! Mwa ha ha ha!

Agnes:
[pulling Gru's mouth] Come on! Smile, Gru!

[the girls pull Gru's mouth to make him look like he is smiling]

Gru:
[sighs] I hate smiling.

[the video ends, revealing Gru's logo onscreen]

Announcer:
[voice-over] This is a motion simulator involving sudden and extreme movement. Expectant mothers and individuals with heart, back or neck conditions, abnormal blood pressure, or those prone to motion sickness or dizziness are advised not to ride this attraction. For your safety, please remain seated, hold on to the lap restrain and keeps your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times. Please supervise children to make sure everyone has the right seat. Children may not sit on laps. Secure all loose items. Finally, the use of still or video cameras is not permitted.

[first lines of the ride]

Margo:
Ready? Great, prepare to be minionized!

[the Transformation Pods rise up, becoming capable of movement]

Edith:
[gets out of her seat and points to the audience] Zap 'em, Kevin!

Minions:
Ah, okay.

[pulls a lever which adjusts the Minion Ray Gun, aiming it at the audience and presses a button that activates the Minion Ray Gun, which then enshrouds the whole screen with a blue laser beam as it fires. During the transformation, the girls fly behind the screen revealing the riders in their Transformation Pods. Once the transformation is completed, the girls fly back in front of the screen, now revealing the riders as Minions]

Margo:
[impressed] Wow! It worked!

Agnes:
Aww, they're so cute!

[the Minions in the lab start laughing at the audience]

Margo:
[as flies out the vehicle to the audience] Okay, let's begin your training!

[presses a button which causes the audience to drop into a tunnel]

Agnes:
Have fun, Minions!

[the riders continue through the tunnel until they reach a training ground and see the girls]

Margo:
You're now in the Minion Training Grounds.

[the riders, along with some Minions, slide down the loop-de-loop and onto the cource]

Margo:
[about the Minion Training Grounds; as the riders dodge the water sprayers] This is where we test your strength, speed and ability to not die.

[the riders continue dodging water sprayers; some of the Minions are sprayed off the course. The riders then jump over a giant cactus; some Minions are stuck in the needles. The riders then encounter fly swatters]

Agnes:
[as the riders avoid the giant fly swatters] Look out, Minions! Don't get fly swatted!

[the guests are able to dodge the fly swatters; some Minions are caught up being swatted]

Edith:
[as the riders enter a tunnel with lasers zapping at different intervals] Avoid the lasers... or be doomed!

[the riders are able to avoid the lasers and reach the other side; one of the Minions gets zapped]

Agnes:
[pointing to the zapped minion] HE'S SO FLUFFY!

[Margo gets her back in the vehicle]

[during the ride; in the antigravity recycling room, after being dropped onto a conveyor belt]

Margo:
[out of breath] It's okay.

Edith:
Except we're floating!

Margo:
[looking around her] In the antigravity recycling room?'!

[Suddenly, a giant robot arm rises under the girls. Fortunately, they quickly grab hold to its joints]

Agnes:
Oh no!

[the trio barely avoids the surrounding machinery]

Margo:
Everyone just hold on!

[When a smasher nearby startles the girls, Agnes loses her present]

Agnes:
[seeing her present floating away] NO!

[tries to free herself of Margo's grasp and floats off]

Margo:
[concerned] Agnes!

Agnes:
[attempts to recover her present, barely avoiding a bomb] No, no!

[catches the gift between the giant, spiked crushers]

Agnes:
I've got it!

[looks behind her, seeing a giant fan; gasps]

Agnes:
Oh no!

Gru:
[blocks the smashers with a steel beam, then grabs Agnes] I got you!

Agnes:
Gru!

[they hug eachother when suddenly, the crushers start moving again, nearly denting the steel beam]

Gru:
[quickly puts Agnes on his shoulders and stops] Uh oh!

[barely stops the crusher in time, saving everyone from being smashed and causing a blackout]

Gru:
[plummeting down to save his daughters] Margo! Edith! Grab my hand!

[Agnes, Edith and Margo all grab hold to Gru, ending up in his arms]

Gru:
Minions!

Gru:
Girls!

Margo, Edith, Agnes:
Gru!

[they give each other a big hug]

Gru:
What's this for?

Agnes:
I made you a present. It's a little squashed. And burnt.

Gru:
It's absolutely perfect...

[gives his daughters a hug]

Gru:
...and I made you girls a little something too.

[automatic doors open, revealing a amusement park-like party]

Gru:
Happy Anniversary!

[the four get on the vehicle]

Edith:
Awesome!

Agnes:
You remembered!

Gru:
How could I forget the most important day of my life?

Margo:
Thank you, Gru!

[during the ride; in the bomb transportation room]

Agnes:
So it's NOW the time to give you my present?

Gru:
[hanging on to the girls' vehicle] Honey, it's seriously NOT the perfect time...

[gets hit by a giant mallet unseen]

[during the ride; as the riders stumble on a chasm, the girls letivate towards the audience. Under them are the two Minions, holding to the hovercraft's engine]

Margo:
Well done, Minions! Now it's time to test your problem solving and teamwork skills.

Agnes:
[in a singsong voice] Find a way across!

[the guests start to create a hand-like Minion-chain]

Margo:
Go, Minions, go!

Agnes:
[referring to the audience] These are the best Minions EVER!

Edith:
[holding a fishing rod] Resist the banana!

Minions:
[suddenly stop and pick up the scent] Banana? Banana! Banana! Banana!

Agnes:
[as one of the Minions grabs the banana; holding on to Margo] Avoid the urge!

Edith:
[trying to pull the rod] Whoa!

[Unfortunately, the Minion chain seperates itself and the banana falls into the hands of a Minion holding it]

Margo:
[off-screen] This is bad!

[the Minion loses grasp of the banana and falls through a hole, sounding an alarm]

Gru:
[through a monitor] Hey! What are you doing in a restricted area?'!

[during the ride; in the bomb transportation room]

Margo:
[to the riders] Minions! We gotta get you out of here!

Minions:
[once the alarm stops blaring] Uh oh.

[Bombs come loose and drop, causing explosions in the area. Once the girls get startled by one of them, Margo loses control of the hovercraft, causing it to almost tip over]

Agnes:
No!

[to the riders]

Agnes:
Minions, save Gru's present!

[the guests start to chase Agnes' present on giant gears]

Agnes:
[struggling as Margo carefully controls the present] Almost there...

[Just as she is about to grab it, Margo quickly withdraws the hovercraft from the giant triple saw blades, then carefully moves it close enough for Agnes to grab it. Agnes grabs the gift, but drops the present again when steam erupts, startling the girls again. Agnes' present drops onto a steel beam, falls off it soon after, but the girls arrive from below]

Margo:
[catches the gift] We've got it!

[hands it over to Agnes]

Agnes:
Yay!

[the riders fall off the steel beam and run into bombs]

Minions:
[seeing the riders coming; screaming] Bomba, bomba, bomba...

Gru:
[arrives, saving two Minions] Don't worry! I got you!

[falls from the platform]

Gru:
Whoa-Whoa-Whoahhh!

[first lines of the first pre-show]

Gru:
[stands face-to-face with the camera, maintaining it] Testing... Testing... Ah-oo-wee-a-hoo-ha!

[clears his throat and backpedals from the camera]

Gru:
Greetings, recruits. Welcome to my home. I am Gru, master villain, scourge of humanity. So... you want to be a Minion? Your training will begin soon, but be warned: danger lurks

[evilly]

Gru:
at every turn.

[suddenly backs away]

Agnes:
[chasing Kyle] Kyle! Come here, Kyle!

Gru:
Agnes, please! Please! Uhh... Daddy's trying to be evil!

[Meanwhile, Edith and Margo also enter the room. The former makes a funny face in front of the camera while the latter approaches Gru]

Margo:
[scoffs] What are you doing?

Gru:
[irate] I am trying to...

[suddenly turns to Agnes, who's holding Kyle]

Agnes:
[sing-song; to the audience] Who's the cutest puppy in the world?

[kisses Kyle on the camera, leaving a smudge, then continues chasing him]

[last lines of the second-preshow; after Gru left off]

Agnes:
[attempts to hand over her gift again] But... but, Gru, wait!

Edith:
[referring to Gru; calmly] He's gone, Agnes.

Agnes:
[turns to Margo] It's the anniversary of the day he adopted us. Do you think he forgot?

Margo:
Of course not. It will be okay, Agnes.

[seriously]

Margo:
Come on. We have a job to do.

Edith:
[pumped up] *Let's* do this!

Margo:
[to the audience] Okay, everybody, see you in the lab.

[leaves the room along with Agnes]

Edith:
This is gonna be GOOD!

[follows her sisters when leaving the room, imitating an jet]

Margo:
[instructs the audience; voice-over] Stay in your row and quickly move down to the last seat. Each pod seats four guests per row. Do not put on your Minion Goggles until told to do so by a lab assistant.

Edith:
[voice-over] Let's go, people!

Gru:
[voice-over] Alright, future-Minions, I hope you finally enjoy my prerecorded message. Let's see how well you take direction! Come meet me in the Minionisation prep room so we can all get started. Please stay in your row and move forward, filling in all the available space in front of you and so help me. Do "not" put on your Minion Goggles yet! Don't delay. This is going to be really fun... for me. You will all be great Minions, I can tell. You want to know who is my favorite Minion? You are! Well, you soon will be. Remember, no goggles yet. You don't want to test me on this one, believe me!

[voice-over; once the doors to the ride are opened]

Edith:
All right, rookies! Come on in.

Margo:
Move on until the last seat in your row, and sit down in the transformation pods. Don't be afraid.

Edith:
I don't know.

[about the audience]

Edith:
They should be kind of afraid.

Margo:
Edith!

Edith:
Hey. You're in a top secret villain's lair. Things happen.

Margo:
If you don't want to move around during the training, please tell a lab assistant about the stationary seats located in the front of the lab.

[quietly]

Margo:
These are also known as inventions.

Agnes:
It says here "Don't take pictures or videotapes". Wait! What's videotape?

Margo:
It means no movies. Once in your seats, remove everything from your lap, including children.

Edith:
And then the lap bar will come down.

Agnes:
It's like getting a hug from a *big* metal bar.

Margo:
If you feel uncomfortable in any way, please note it by a lab assistant.

Edith:
Once in your seats, PUT ON THOSE GOGGLES! This is where things get GOOD!

Agnes:
[singsong] We're gonna give Gru his present!

[during the first pre show; after Gru introduced his daughters]

Gru:
[to the audience] Anyway, let's begin. We're going to start with a written exam.

[snaps his fingers]

Minions:
Ah, pokka.

[enters the room, holding a stack of paper sheets]

Gru:
The test should be no longer than three hours! You will see none of the park! Ha-ha!

Margo:
[cuts him off] Hey, hey!

Gru:
[turns to Margo] Hmm?

Margo:
[whispering] We're not doing a written exam, remember?

Gru:
[to himself; calmly] What? We're not? Oh right.

[to the Minion]

Gru:
We ditched that.

Minions:
Ah, pokka.

[leaves]

Gru:
[in the Minionisation Prep Room; to the audience] Lucky for you, I'm in a bit of a time crunch and I'm feeling generous. But you better shower when you get back to you hotel, and don't go right to the pool! As for the rest of you, if anyone's thinking on backing out, I warn you: I will hit you with my fart gun! Oh yes, I'm packing "Pistola de peo"! So what will it be? Minions... or farts?

[Margo, Edith and Agnes enter the room. The latter is holding a present wrapped in red wrapping paper in her hands]

Edith:
[imitating Gru] Minions... or farts?

Gru:
[referring to his daughters] Ignore them.

Minions:
[enter the room with party horns] Boss!

Gru:
[stops them] Not now!

Minions:
Okay, okay, okay.

[Gru shoos the Minions out, forcing them to exit the room]

Agnes:
[to the audience] Don't be scared of Gru. He's just a BIG, BALD teddy bear!

[Gru sighs and stares at the audience blankly]

Margo:
Yeah, and no way he'll shoot you with a fart gun.

Gru:
Oh, no?

[presses a button on the control panel sinisterly, activating the fart gun. Thinking the smell emitting from the fart gun is a stench, Edith, Agnes, Margo and the Minions are forced to hold their breaths. Gru, on the other hand, is completely satisfied, smiling at the audience]

Edith:
[stops holding her breath and sniffs] Hey, it smells like bananas.

[Gru puts the control panel aside while Margo, Agnes and the Minions stop holding their breaths]

Minions:
[sniff] B-Banana? Banana! Banana! Banana!

[lick on the window]

Gru:
[annoyed] Oh, come on!

[sighs]