Martha:
I swear to GOD George, if you even EXISTED I'd divorce you.

Honey:
I dance like the wind.

Martha:
Look, sweetheart, I can drink you under any goddamn table you want, so don't worry about me.

Honey:
Oh, I don't know, a little brandy maybe. "Never mix, never worry!"

George:
Martha? Rubbing alcohol for you?

Martha:
Sure! "Never mix, never worry!"

George:
Why Martha! Your Sunday chapel dress!

Martha:
I hope that was an empty bottle, George! You can't afford to waste good liquor, not on YOUR salary!

George:
All I said was that our son, the apple of our three eyes, Martha being a cyclops, our son is a beanbag, and you get testy!

Honey:
They dance like they've danced before.

George:
It's a familiar dance, monkey nipples, they both know it.

Martha:
You make me puke.

George:
That wasn't a very nice thing to say, Martha.

George:
Martha, in my mind you're buried in cement right up to the neck. No, up to the nose, it's much quieter.

Nick:
To you, everybody's a flop. Your husband's a flop, I'm a flop.

Martha:
You're all flops. I am the Earth Mother, and you are all flops.

Nick:
I'm tired, I've been drinking since nine o'clock, my wife is vomiting, there's been a lot of screaming going on around here!

George:
So you get testy, naturally, don't worry about it! Anybody who comes here ends up getting testy, it's expected. Don't be upset.

Nick:
I'm not upset.

George:
You're testy.

Nick:
Yes.

George:
Martha is 108... years old. She weighs somewhat more than that.

Nick:
Who did the painting?

George:
Some Greek with a moustache that Martha attacked one night.

George:
Martha, will you show her where we keep the, uh, euphemism?

George:
Vanish!

Martha:
I disgust me. You know, there's only been one man in my whole life who's ever made me happy. Do you know that?

Martha:
George, my husband... George, who is out somewhere there in the dark, who is good to me - whom I revile, who can keep learning the games we play as quickly as I can change them. Who can make me happy and I do not wish to be happy. Yes, I do wish to be happy. George and Martha: Sad, sad, sad. Whom I will not forgive for having come to rest; for having seen me and having said: yes, this will do.

George:
You take the trouble to construct a civilization, to build a society based on the principles of... of principle. You make government and art and realize that they are, must be, both the same. You bring things to the saddest of all points, to the point where there is something to lose. Then, all at once, through all the music, through all the sensible sounds of men building, attempting, comes the Dies Irae. And what is it? What does the trumpet sound? Up yours.

George:
I'm very impressed.

Martha:
You're damn right.

George:
I said I was impressed. I'm beside myself with jealousy. What do you want me to do, throw up?

Martha:
Aren't you going to apologize?

George:
Not my fault, the road should've been straight.

Martha:
No, aren't you going to apologize for making Honey throw up?

George:
I didn't make her throw up.

Martha:
What, you think it was handsome there? You think he made his own wife throw up?

George:
Well, you make me throw up.

Martha:
That's different.

Martha:
Hey!

George:
Hark! Jungle sounds.

Martha:
Hey!

George:
Animal noises.

George:
You're a monster - You are.

Martha:
I'm loud and I'm vulgar, and I wear the pants in the house because somebody's got to, but I am not a monster. I'm not.

George:
You're a spoiled, self-indulgent, willful, dirty-minded, liquor-ridden...

Martha:
SNAP! It went SNAP! I'm not gonna try to get through to you any more. There was a second back there, yeah, there was a second, just a second when I could have gotten through to you, when maybe we could have cut through all this, this CRAP. But it's past, and I'm not gonna try.

Martha:
I looked at you tonight and you weren't there... And I'm gonna howl it out, and I'm not gonna give a damn what I do and I'm gonna make the biggest god-damn explosion you've ever heard.

George:
Try and I'll beat you at your own game.

Martha:
Is that a threat George, huh?

George:
It's a threat, Martha.

Martha:
You're gonna get it, baby.

George:
Be careful Martha. I'll rip you to pieces.

Martha:
You're not man enough. You haven't the guts.

George:
Total war.

Martha:
Total.