Der Wixxer

Sir John:
This is Dieter Dubinsky. He's from East Germany.

Chief Inspector Even Longer:
I'm sorry to hear that.

Butler Alfons Hatler:
I could be your Führer...

Earl of Cockwood:
Not now.

Sir John:
This is Dieter Dubinsky. He's from East Germany.

Chief Inspector Even Longer:
I'm sorry to hear that.

Butler Alfons Hatler:
I could be your F?hrer...

Earl of Cockwood:
Not today.

Earl of Cockwood:
[Imitating jury member Dieter Bohlen of "Deutschland sucht den Superstar", Germany's version of Pop Idol] First, let me tell what I liked - nothing. And now what I didn't like - the rest of it. We'll be in touch.

[shoots the singer, causing the other female captives to panic]

Earl of Cockwood:
Ladies, ladies, calm down, this is only an audition!

Chief Inspector Even Longer:
[climbing out of a trap door from a cellar] I thought I was a goner.

Miss Pennymarket:
This is an old trap door, from the 14th Century.

Butler Alfons Hatler:
We still need it - for the Jehovah's Witnesses.

Butler Alfons Hatler:
[After the wixxer poisoned himself] Bah! Rogues killing themselves, only because their plans to rule the world went down the drain - I can't accept that!

Inspector Very Long:
to Chief Inspector Even Longer: The nicest thing you ever said to me was 'There, you can have my coffee. It tastes like sh*t.'