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El Nebuloso: Who is it more important to please: the King of Spain, or God?
El Segundo: Why, God, of course.
El Nebuloso: And who is God's personal representative in these parts?
El Segundo: Why, you, your holy ruthlessness.
El Nebuloso: Well, God wants to keep all of it.
Yellowbeard: She couldn't be your mother. No woman ever slept with me and lived.
Betty: When little Dan was two minutes old I tattooed it on his head.
Yellowbeard: Does he know about this?
Betty: Oh, no no no, that's why I kept him in the cupboard for three years. That may be why he's a bit odd with all these books, and reading, and stuff like that.
Dan: Look, if you cut my head off it'll start to putrify!
Yellowbeard: Do what?
Dan: Putrify, go rotten!
Yellowbeard: Yeah, it would ooze a lot, heads do. But I could live with that.
Yellowbeard: Betrayin's all part of piratin'. If you don't know that you're not even close to being a pirate, "Prawn of my loins", my foot!
Yellowbeard: You're either born a pirate or not! It's in the blood Dan, and it's not in your blood or you'd have betrayed me long ago!
Betty: That's Yellowbeard.
Yellowbeard: I'm in disguise, you stupid tart!
Yellowbeard: Where's the map?
Betty: What map?
Yellowbeard: If you say you don't know where it is, I'll nail your tits to the table!
Dan: Everyone will be following you and if they catch you they'll have the map.
Yellowbeard: Bugger them! I'll eat it first. Won't be the first head I've eaten.
Betty: It's been twenty years since we had a little cuddle, and what do you do? Come in and give me a kiss? No, you rush in and hack a hole in the wall.
Betty: Well, it's been awhile since we had a little cuddle.
Yellowbeard: I raped ya, if that's what you mean.
Betty: Okay. It was half-cuddle, half-rape.
Yellowbeard: I'm sure I killed the last one I raped, it can't have been you.
Betty: Well, the afterplay was a bit on the rough side, but not fatal dear.
Harvey "Blind" Pew: It sounded as though there was a bit of a squabble.
Commander Clement: Squabble? They're all dead!
Harvey "Blind" Pew: All? Must have been more of a tiff then.
Lady Lambourne: Stop that man pissin' on the hedge. It's imported!
Troila: What's happened to Daddy?
Yellowbeard: I killed him!
Dan: He's gone to heaven.
Troila: Aw, that's nice! He sent all his friends there.
Yellowbeard: With your head on my shoulders we could wreck civilization!
Yellowbeard: Dying's the easy way out. You won't catch me dying. They'll have to kill me before I die!
Betty: I think it was the shark what jogged my memory.
Harvey 'Blind' Pew: I may be blind, but I have acute 'earing.
Commander Clement: I'm not interested in your jewellery.
Lord Lambourn: I thought this was an atoll.
Dr. Gilpin: Not at all.
Betty: If there's one thing I've learned, it's learning things never taught me nuthin'. And books is the worst.
Flunkie: The fat one sitting on the throne is the Queen.
Yellowbeard: Us Yellowbeards are never more dangerous than when we're dead.
Betty: I'm talking about the fruit of your loins.
Yellowbeard: Fruit of me loins? I haven't got fruit in me loins! Lice, yes, and proud of 'em, but no fruit!
Mansell: That wasn't strictly true, was it sir?
Commander Clement: No, Mansell, it was what we in the British Navy call... a lie.
Betty: Read, read, read, read! Let me tell you something - last time I read a book, I was raped. Let THAT be a lesson to you.