The Pagemaster

Richard Tyler:
[repeated line] This is not good. Definitely not good.

Mr. Dewey:
Welcome to the library, young man. Don't tell me, you're here for a special book.

Richard Tyler:
Uh, Mister...

Mr. Dewey:
Stop, stop stop, let me guess. I have a talent for guessing what people need. You're in need of... [starts speaking magically] a fantasy. Brave knights, mythical faeries, ferocious dragons.

Richard Tyler:
Look, all I want is...

Mr. Dewey:
[grabbing him and speaking excitedly] Adventure!! Of course, you're a boy who loves adventure, brimming with wicked demons, cutthroat pirates.

Richard Tyler:
No, no. That's not it.

Mr. Dewey:
Horror. [speaking scarily while creeping toward him] Oh, horror. Evil demons, wretched monsters, haunted houses, graveya-a-rds. Yes, it's horror for you, boy. I'm sure of it. [back to normal voice] Your library card, please.

Adventure:
I knew it that! I don't know, I'm a Classic!

Fantasy:
Mm-hmm, a classic misprint.

Adventure:
Why, you old sea serpent! I'll rip out your pages, and use them for--! (slips off) OH NO! (falls to the ground) MAN OVERBOARD!

Richard Tyler:
(really freaking out) Do something!

Fantasy:
Hmm... (Gives you a blast of wand, then Adventure falls and crashed down) Oops. Ha, ha, I forget my wonders always work I fantasy section.

Richard Tyler:
Can't wish this the exit?

Horror:
So, I think I'm scaring it? He should swim right after eating you know, he'll get cramps.

Adventure:
Where did he go?

Richard Tyler:
Aaaahh! (The Whales movement)

Adventure:
Row! Row for your lives!

Richard Tyler:
[shrieking] 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! [he caughts with a Moby Dick]

Adventure:
Hold on tight--!

Richard Tyler, Horror, Fantasy, Adventure:
[bites off the boat] Waa-hooooooh!

Richard Tyler:
Aaaaaaaahhh--! [he fells down to the water and crashed] Me-me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me! [coughs in water] Guys! Where are you?!

Horror:
Can I have the olive? Whoa! [wine glass crashed] Uh-oh.

Adventure:
Now look what you've done!

Richard Tyler:
Horror, you are alive!

Skinny Pirate:
[using the gun with Horror] Not for long! Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!

Horror:
Aaaaaaaaaaah!

Adventure:
There goes me ticket out of here! Uh...

Crows Nest Pirate:
LAND HO! With the LAND HO!!!

Richard Tyler:
[on seeing the Pagemaster again] Hey! How did you get here!?

Fantasy:
[through her teeth] Quit it! We're in the presence of the Pagemaster!

Richard Tyler:
I know who he is. He's the one who did THIS [gesturing along his body] to me!! Do you have any idea what I've been through?!

Pagemaster:
Tell me.

Richard Tyler:
I was nearly torn apart by a crazy doctor!! I was made a slave by a bunch of mangy pirates. And eaten--got that, eaten--by a fire-breathing dragon!!

Horror:
He don't mean it, my Pagemaster. He don't mean it.

Richard Tyler:
And not to mention being tossed, squashed, and scared practically to death!!

Pagemaster:
Yet you stand before me.

Richard Tyler:
Well, yeah.

Pagemaster:
Think, boy! What kind of an answer would you've had if I brought you here with the turn of a page?

[hologram of Mr. Hyde appears, then morphs into Jekyll]

Dr. Jekyll:
You prevailed over evil. [morphs into Captain Ahab]

Captain Ahab:
Ah, you looked Moby Dick in the eye, boy. [morphs into Long John Silver]

Long John Silver:
Ah, you got pirate stuff, me lad! An' don't let no one tell you different.

Pagemaster:
If I had brought you here from the start, you would've never had the courage to face your own fears. [hologram morphs into the Dragon] And in doing so, you triumph here... and always. [hologram shows Richard Tyler unconscious on the library's rotunda floor]

Fantasy:
[to Richard, angrily] What are you doing, grabbing my mouth and messing up my pantyhose? Hmph! Now I gotta straight out my Little Mermaid underwear.

Fantasy:
[notices the names carved on the wall of the gate] Dr. Jekyll? Mr. Hyde? (turns away) Must be a duplex.

Richard Tyler:
Whoa!

Adventure:
Go ahead, matey. I'm--I'm right behind ye. (Richard Tyler gasps, the trio walks onto the porch and stood behind the two doors of the house) [points the rope] Well, ring the bell.

Richard Tyler:
(panting) [Reaches for the rope, and gives a yank, making the bell chime loudly]

Horror:
[slipping off the roof of the house, falling down, and screaming, making Richard Tyler, Adventure and Fantasy look up] AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Richard Tyler:
[looks at Horror, disgusted] Huh?

Fantasy:
[flies back down to Richard] Good catch!

Richard Tyler:
(a little scared) H--here, take it!

Fantasy:
(blushing) Isn't he sweet? (makes kissing sounds) Muah-muah-muah-muah-muah.

Horror:
[looks at Richard Tyler] (little scared) Oh, I scared you. I'm sorry.

Fantasy:
You mustn't judge a book by its cover. [Horror makes a cheerful face]

Richard Tyler:
(confused) Uhhh...

Fantasy:
Look, he's smiling.

Horror:
[makes a smile, showing only a few teeth on his gum] Ha-ha!

Richard Tyler:
(grossed out) That's a smile?

Horror:
[singing] Sixteen men on a dead man's stomach.

Fantasy:
No, no! Chest! Chest!

Horror:
Oh, uh, chest. Chest. Ah, hee, hee, hee, ha, ha, ha, ha! [singing] Yo, ho, ho! And a bottle of rum!

Richard Tyler:
Aah! Aaaaaah...!

Tom Morgan:
Evil spirits!

Horror:
Hee, hee! [jumping off the tree with a vine] SANCTUARY!! [knocks the pirates down, then landed on the ground] Huh!

Richard Tyler:
Horror, you are alive!

Tom Morgan:
[using the gun with Horror] Not for long! Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!

Horror:
Aaaaaaaaaaah!

Horror:
Ahoy, matey! Aye, we're lusty, adventurous men.

Adventure:
Go away. You don't know what you're talking about.

Horror:
I...I know I'm not your favorite kind of book, but I could be just like you.

[Adventure stops at his tracks, and yells angrily at Horror]

Adventure:
You'll never be Adventure! Ye ain't got the spine for it. And take that stupid thing off!

Horror:
[taking a bandana off his head] Sorry.

Adventure:
[muttering] Oh, he thinks he can be a pirate...

[Horror sighed with sadness, and walks away]

Richard Tyler:
Where's Horror? Wasn't he with you?

Adventure:
He was, but he...I mean, I sort of...uh..he, uh....

Fantasy:
[angrily] Ohh, what did you say to him now?!

Adventure:
Well, I--I...I just...uh, I'll go find him.

Fantasy:
Yeah, you better go find him. And be quick about it!

[Adventure saves the unconscious Horror, who was tied to the ground by little people]

Adventure:
He had a good heart, and he was braver than ye knew. I...I'd walk the plank if I thought it would bring ye back.

Horror:
[wakes up] That's beautiful.

Richard Tyler:
Wow! Look at this place!

Horror:
It's so purdy. I could be misshelved here for a long time.

Adventure:
Happyland.

[First lines during the opening scene]

Claire Tyler:
[offscreen; in bed] Alan, every ten-year-old is afraid of something.

Alan Tyler:
[offscreen; in bed] The kid's afraid of tuna-fish sandwiches.

Claire Tyler:
Mercury levels in the tuna.

Alan Tyler:
Whatever.

Claire Tyler:
Alan, the world is a frightening place to him right now. I think we could be a little more supportive.

Alan Tyler:
Supportive? I'm the most supportive father on earth, but I'm running out of supportive things to do. I signed him up for Little League, he drove everybody crazy with statistics about how you can develop tumors from being hit in the head with a ball. [offscreen] Did you know that shin splints can lead to blood clots in the legs? Claire, he brought in a medical journal. Nobody wanted to play after that. And now I'm building him a tree house, in a tree he refuses to climb.

[while Alan says the last sentence above, Claire turns on a light and he looks at the treehouse on a dark and stormy night]

Claire Tyler:
You know he hates heights.

Alan Tyler:
I don't know. I just want to be a good father.

Claire Tyler:
But you are a good father.

Richard Tyler:
Can't argue with statistics, Dad.

Alan Tyler:
Statistics. Here's something you can do: go down to Gutman's Hardware Store, buy a pound of these.

Richard Tyler:
But, Dad...

Alan Tyler:
Son, you can't live your life based on statistics. You've gotta take some chances. Now come on, Buddy.

Alan Tyler:
[with a five-dollar-bill] You can do this.

[Alan gives money to Richard. His mother Claire releases him and joins her father in unison]

Richard Tyler:
[Leaving his parents behind] This is not good. Definately not good.

Fantasy:
(shocked) Dr... Jekyll? Dr. J?

Mr. Hyde:
(his face is covered with both hands) My name is... (reveals his scary face to the camera) Mr. HYDE!!! (Richard and the books react in fright)

[At night, the Tyler's parent car arrives home]

Claire Tyler:
[In car] I can't imagine where he could be. Maybe we should call the police.

Claire Tyler:
[Gasps as the car parks in front of Richard's bicycle, lying down] Alan!

[the car stops]

Claire Tyler:
[Gets out] He's home!

[Alan gets out]

Claire Tyler Alan.

Alan Tyler:
[sees Richard in the treehouse] It's impossible.

[Alan goes up into the treehouse]

Alan Tyler:
Rich?

Claire Tyler [Goes up into the treehouse and takes Richard's signature glasses] We probably should put him in his bed.

Alan Tyler:
Let's let him sleep up here tonight.

[Claire goes down, as Alan uses the coat as a blanket for Richard]

Alan Tyler:
[turning off a lantern] Love you, Richie.

[Alan goes down the treehouse. Alan & Claire goes inside the house]

Alan Tyler:
Good night, son.

Richard Tyler:
Dad, 8% of all household accidents involve ladders, another 3% involve trees. We're looking at another 30% probability here.

Richard Tyler:
You guys are the only friends I've ever had.

Richard Tyler:
Thanks, but I have already a family. I really should be getting home now.

Richard Tyler:
I lost my library card. I can't check anybody out. We'll never get to the exit now.

Richard Tyler:
I was nearly torn apart by a crazy doctor, made into a slave by a bunch of mangy pirates, and eaten-- got that? --eaten by a fire-breathing dragon!

Richard Tyler:
[new catchphrase] Good. That was definitely good.