Reed Martin:
When it came to comedy, Shakespeare was a genius at borrowing and adapting plot devices from different theatrical traditions.
Austin Tichenor:
These influences include the Roman plays of Plautus and Terence, Ovid's "Metamorphoses" - which are hysterically funny.
[scattered laughs]
Austin Tichenor:
As well as the rich Italian tradition of commedia dell'arte.
Adam Long:
Yeah, basically Shakespeare stole every comedy he ever wrote.
Austin Tichenor:
Oh, no, no. "Stole" is a little strong; "distilled", maybe.
Adam Long:
Yeah, okay, well he "distilled" the three or four funniest comic gimmicks of his time and then he milked them into sixteen plays.
Reed Martin:
Yeah. You see, basically Shakespeare was a formula writer. Once he found a device that worked, he used it
Reed Martin, Austin Tichenor, Adam Long:
Over and over and over again.
Reed Martin:
So, Mr. Shakespeare, the question we have is this...
Reed Martin, Austin Tichenor, Adam Long:
Why did you write sixteen comedies when you could have written just one?
Austin Tichenor:
Well, in answer to this question, we of the Reduced Shakespeare Company have taken the liberty of condensing all sixteen of Shakespeare's comedies into a single play, which we have entitled "The Comedy of Two Well-Measured Gentlemen Lost in the Merry Wives of Venice on a Midsummer's Twelfth Night in Winter".
Adam Long:
Or...
Reed Martin:
"Cymbeline Taming Pericles the Merchant In the Tempest of Love As Much As You Like It For Nothing".
Adam Long:
Or...
Reed Martin, Austin Tichenor, Adam Long:
"Four Weddings and a Transvestite".
[audience laughter; the stage lights go down, then after a moment they come back up]
Reed Martin:
Ahem. Act I. A Spanish duke swears an oath of celibacy and turns the rule of his kingdom over to his sadistic and tyrannical twin brother. He learns some fantastical feats of magic and sets sail for the golden age of Greece, along with his daughters - three beautiful and virginal sets of identical twins. While rounding the hill of Italy, the duke's ship is caught in a terrible tempest, which, in its fury, casts the duke upon a desert island, along with the loveliest and most virginal of his daughters, who stumbles into a cave, where she is molested by a creature who is either a man or fish or both.
Adam Long:
Act II. The long lost sons of the duke's brother - also, coincidentally, three sets of identical twins - have just arrived in Italy. Though still possessed of an inner nobility, they are ragged, destitute, penniless, flea-infested shadows of the men they once were, and in the utmost extremity are forced to borrow money from an old Jew who deceives them into putting down their brains as collateral on the loan. Now, the six brothers fall in love with six Italian sisters, three of whom are contentious, sharp-tongued little shrews, while the other three are submissive, airheaded little bimbos.
[audience laughter]
Austin Tichenor:
Act III. The ship wrecked, the identical daughters of the duke wash up on the shores of Italy, disguise themselves as men, become pages to the shrews and matchmakers to the duke's brother's sons. They lead all the lovers into a nearby forest, where, on a midsummer's night, a bunch of mischievous fairies squeeze the aphroditic juice of a hermaphroditic flower into the shrews' eyes, causing them to fall in love with their own pages, who, in turn, have fallen in love with the duke's brother's sons, while the queen of the fairies seduces a jackass, and they all have an orgy.
Reed Martin, Austin Tichenor, Adam Long:
Act IV.
Reed Martin:
The elderly fathers of the Italian sisters, finding their daughters missing, dispatch messages to the pages to kill any man in the vicinity.
Adam Long:
However, unable to find men in the forest, the faithful messengers, in a final misguided act of loyalty, deliver the messages to each other and kill themselves.
Austin Tichenor:
Meanwhile, the fish creature and the duke arrive in the forest disguised as Russians, and, for no apparent reason, perform a two-man underwater version of "Uncle Vanya".
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