The Crossing

Gen. George Washington:
[before entering a boat] Move your fat ass, Henry.

[Soldiers laugh]

Soldier #1:
What did he say?

Soldier #2:
Move your fat ass.

Gen. George Washington:
[to Knox] Don't swing your balls or you'll swamp the boat.

[soldiers laugh again]

Gen. George Washington:
[after explaining his plan to Glover] Can you do it?

Col. John Glover:
No, but I will.

Gen. George Washington:
Now what the devil is that supposed to mean?

Soldier #1:
What are you smoking?

Soldier #2:
Dried cow dung.

Soldier #1:
What's it taste like?

Soldier #2:
Sh*t.

Col. John Glover:
The boats are ready, sir. The men are ready as they're going to be, provided we can cross that damn river at all.

Gen. George Washington:
What was that?

Col. John Glover:
About the men sir?

Gen. George Washington:
No, something about not crossing the river? Glover, you have been a pain in my ass and a thorn in my side since the day I first met you. You'd have been a general by now, if not for your pithy bitching.

Gen. George Washington:
Well, sir, I waited for you to broach this. What do you think?

Gen. Horatio Gates:
You would not wish to know, sir.

Gen. George Washington:
Then you have objections.

Gen. Horatio Gates:
Many.

Gen. George Washington:
Would you specify them?

Gen. Horatio Gates:
Gladly. Firstly, in order to attack, one needs an army. You do not have an army. Secondly, in order to attack, one needs soldiers. Your men are not soldiers. Thirdly, your men always go one in direction. To attack requires the other direction. Shall I continue?

Gen. Horatio Gates:
In eleven days' time the enlistments run out. Your men will not attack a fly before then. Why should they? They need only sit tight and go home.

Gen. Horatio Gates:
Those big Durham boats of yours make damn good targets. Even a Yankee gunner couldn't miss them.

Gen. Horatio Gates:
Surrender. This revolution is over.

Gen. George Washington:
So we surrender. We weigh the pros and cons and reason prevails. But you see, sir, I am an unreasonable man as well as a poor soldier. But you are right. My men are not soldiers. They are lads. Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen. They run away. They fear the Hessians as they fear death. All this is true. Yet they have put their trust in me. They could have deserted. Thousands have. But these lads have not. They remain with me. And I, not you, General Gates, *I* command this army, and if I, a bumbling Virginia farmer, should decide to lead them into Hell, they will follow me into Hell.

Gen. George Washington:
Now you hear me and you hear me well. You will ride out of my camp. You are not to discuss what has occurred here tonight, not with your staff, not with your men. Put your pistol on him, Alex, and go with him. See him onto his horse and out of this camp, and if he tries to take his men with him, shoot him.

Gen. Horatio Gates:
You would not dare.

Gen. George Washington:
Try me, General Gates. Only try me.