The Last Goon Show of All

Neddie Seagoon:
[discovering Eccles in the coal cellar] What are you doing here?

Eccles:
Everybody's gotta be somewhere...

Peter Sellers:
[using dramatic voice] I have been asked by the Beeb Beeb Ceeb to get the audience warmed up. Well, to my knowledge, there is no better way, than for the gentlemen to use their right hand to squeeze the tops of the lady's thigh next to them!

[sound FX plays loud feminine "Ooh!" sounds]

Peter Sellers:
Splendid ! I shall now whistle the soliloquy from Hamlet...

[Peter whistles the soliloquy from Hamlet while walking away from the microphone]

Announcer:
That was Mr Sellers practicing his comeback.

Spike Milligan:
[whispering, to Harry and Peter] One, two, three.

Spike Milligan, Harry Secombe, Peter Sellers:
[Variety of welcome, thank you speeches, all unintelligible]

Announcer:
They haven't quite got the hang of it yet, but after another smoke they should be switched on. If you are switched on, I am empowered by the governors of BBC Wireless to say "Good Evening" in that order. I also have it on good authority that my name is Clapham Junction, but I'll have that checked out later. When I announced the first Goon Show in a field off Tiverton, I was 30... I am now 93.

Neddie Seagoon:
What were you doing up my trouser leg?

Bluebottle:
A man has to do what he has to do.

Little Jim:
He's fallen in the water!

Neddie Seagoon:
Bloodnok, hold it!

Bloodnok:
I can't hold it much longer, it's old age!