The X Files Game

Mary Astadourian:
[after escaping bomb] It's times like this I wish I still smoked!

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
Geez, man, do I know you?

Craig Willmore:
Cable Guy.

Craig Willmore:
Did you get those prints lifted?

John Amis:
Ah jes' fished 'em, Miss Daisy, ah still needa process'm.

Craig Willmore:
And they say sugar has no effect on children...

Motel Clerk:
[after Willmore rings the bell with her standing there] Please don't do that. Do you have any idea how many people ring that when I'm standing right here?

Craig Willmore:
No

Motel Clerk:
Well you're not the first!

Craig Willmore:
[Interupting the studying Clerk] Do you keep a record of all outgoing calls?

Motel Clerk:
Sure for billing reasons

Craig Willmore:
Can I get a copy of them please?

Motel Clerk:
Great, just one second. I want you to know you're putting me behind.

Craig Willmore:
Sorry, I didn't mean to bother you at work.

Motel Clerk:
Funny.

Mark Cook:
Why Agent Willmore!

Craig Willmore:
Why Agent Cook!

Mark Cook:
You picked a great day to be late. There some big gun from DC in. Don't know why but it sounds serious.

Craig Willmore:
Probably just making sure we're not stealing paper clips.

Craig Willmore:
Is there any reason why this would be treated as contraband?

John Amis:
[In Sean Connery voice] Nope. It's neither illegal nor sexy.

Motel Clerk:
I hope there aren't any dead bodies in here. I got finals next week!

Craig Willmore:
So you're the mystery man. I was expecting someone a little more Sean Connery.

X aka Mr. X:
I think that will be quite enough Agent Willmore.

Mary Astadourian:
[Looking at a horribly burned body at the Corroners] God I hate coming here.

Joan Truitt:
You know, so do I.

Craig Willmore:
Hey don't you owe me a dollar?

John Amis:
Did you know I grew up in Cleveland?

Craig Willmore:
Oh? Cleveland? Really?

John Amis:
You know how cold it is in Cleveland?

Craig Willmore:
Cold. It is very cold in Cleveland today.

John Amis:
But not cold enough!

Craig Willmore:
[after Cook bursts into Willmores appartment] What are you doing?

Mark Cook:
No man what the hell are you doing? I ask you to keep me informed but am I informed? No! I've been kept completely in the dark. The more you tell me the better I can do my job!

Craig Willmore:
Hey shut up!

Mark Cook:
Jesus.

Craig Willmore:
I've been out there putting my ass on the line! I'm sorry you had a bad day dear! But either treat me civily or get the hell out of my house!

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
I've always wanted to see Canada but there's not much to see when you're locked in the trunk.

Mary Astadourian:
If you don't tell me what's going on I'm going straight to your Director!

Craig Willmore:
You do that and you'll be modelling in cheap stores by next week!

Mary Astadourian:
See you on the runway baby!

Craig Willmore:
Shanks wants me to hand my current cases off to you.

Mark Cook:
Great. Thanks Golden Boy.

Craig Willmore:
[putting a big steel ball on the table] Have a look at this!

Mary Astadourian:
What is that?

Craig Willmore:
I don't know.

Mary Astadourian:
Well be careful with it!

Craig Willmore:
Relax.

Mary Astadourian:
It looks like an explosive device.

Craig Willmore:
Could be it's heavy enough.

Mary Astadourian:
Maybe we should call in a hazmat team?

Craig Willmore:
[smiles] Lets not jump the gun.

Mary Astadourian:
[Willmore starts to open the ball] WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

Craig Willmore:
You really need to cut down to one cup a day. It's empty.

Mary Astadourian:
What is it?

Craig Willmore:
I don't know. But I know one very happy lab technician.

Richard 'Ringo' Langly:
You want Janet Reno's number?

Craig Willmore:
No I'll pass.

Richard 'Ringo' Langly:
You sure? She keeps a webcam in the bedroom.

Mary Astadourian:
[Willmore goes to kiss her] Ahh we probably shouldn't do that. I mean I would love you to don't get me wrong. But we should probably wait till this case is wrapped before we go "tampering with the evidence."

Mary Astadourian:
[Willmore goes to kiss her, alternative respond] Wow, back up, backaroo! You need help, you know that? I mean, you're quite attractive but my mom told me not to go out with goverment men!

Mary Astadourian:
[Willmore goes to kiss her, alternative respond] No, no no no! Hah, I mean, you're nice guy but let's keep this professional, ok?

Craig Willmore:
Rauch is downstairs.

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
You're kidding? He didn't flame you?

Craig Willmore:
Excuse me?

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
Ah nothing. What's his condtion?

Craig Willmore:
Well he's unconcious and covered in low grade motor oil.

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
That Rauch always did have a kinky streak.

Mark Cook:
[Willmore hands him a travel slip] Looks like you're going to Everett. Spent a week there one day.

Craig Willmore:
So what happened?

Arley:
Well Agent Willmore, barring some unexpected revelation it looks like someone shot this man in the back of the head.

Mary Astadourian:
[Willmore points his gun when she comes around the corner] Whoa! Take it easy! It's me!

Craig Willmore:
I can see that! What are you doing here?

Mary Astadourian:
You kidding? After that message I wouldn't miss this for the world.

Craig Willmore:
Well you better be careful or he might run your ass raged!

Mary Astadourian:
I wouldn't mind that he was kinda cute.

Craig Willmore:
That's a lovely color on you.

Mary Astadourian:
Thank you. Let's just stick to business ok?

Craig Willmore:
[Alternate Responce] That's a lovely color on you.

Mary Astadourian:
[Sarcastic] Thank you! I picked it myself.

Craig Willmore:
[Alternate Responce, after a confontational meeting] That's a lovely color on you.

Mary Astadourian:
Why thank you Sgt. Kissass!

Assistant Director Walter Skinner:
That car has been following us since we left the office.

Craig Willmore:
Do you think they know about Mulder and Scully?

Assistant Director Walter Skinner:
That's a good question Agent Willmore, why don't you go ask them.

Mary Astadourian:
What can I do for you?

Craig Willmore:
Agent Willmore, FBI.

Mary Astadourian:
FBI? What's your interest in this case?

Craig Willmore:
I'm investigating two missing Agents. My investigation lead me to this warehouse, where there was evidence of foul play, including the blood of one of our missing Agents. I spotted Wong and asked him a few questions. He lied to me, now he's dead. No evidence on if there's a connection but I'm sure there is one.

Mary Astadourian:
Wow. I'll buy that. This case just went from routine to fun. Thanks.

Craig Willmore:
Anytime.

Mary Astadourian:
[Standing over Wong's dead body in the morgue] This is Agent Willmore, he questioned Wong yesterday.

Joan Truitt:
Hope you found out what you needed to know.

Craig Willmore:
How did you know we were FBI?

Pretty Woman:
Well who else would come looking for a Jane Doe?

Mary Astadourian:
That's a good point.

Craig Willmore:
Did you notice anything strange about him?

Mary Astadourian:
No I was too busy being thrown accros the room.

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
I need your help Scully. The security door needs two keys turned at the same time. I need you to turn the other key for me. [the Black Oil suddenly swims over his eyes]

Craig Willmore:
[to Scully] RUN!

Craig Willmore:
[He walks in on John reading a comic book] Your tax dollars at work.

John Amis:
Hey do the words "lunch hour" mean anything to you.