Three Strangers

Johnny West:
Don't ever get mixed up with a Chinese goddess. That's the worst thing that can happen, the very worst.

Johnny West:
We are but strangers on this moving globe; it's not for us to tarry long.

Johnny West:
Taken in sufficient quantities, liquor will make you intoxicated.

Johnny West:
The best friendships are made on short acquaintance and last a very brief time.

Crystal Shackleford:
[to Johnny and Arbutny] Perhaps you've both heard the Chinese proverb you can only trust love only if there's nothing to be gained by it.

Johnny West:
Do you realize what you're asking Kwan-yin to do? We want her to reshuffle a hand that destiny has already dealt us. Why? - because we hope to get higher cards.

David Shackleford:
[to Crystal] You only want what you can't have as long as you can't have it.

Detective:
[to Fallon] Even if I am a policeman, I hate a squealer.

Johnny West:
You know about the psyche?

Icey Crane:
Psyche?

Johnny West:
It's what makes human beings of us.

Icey Crane:
Is that a fact?

Johnny West:
That's a fact. Uh, something is missing from me. Do you know how it is with a man who loses his leg and how the leg he hasn't got itches, and he goes to scratch?

Icey Crane:
Mmmmm.

Johnny West:
It's like that with the missing portion of my psyche anatomy. Whenever it itches, I take a drink. Tonight it's itching like the Devil.

Johnny West:
You do not believe in miracles, I see.

Jerome K. Arbutny:
Hardly.

Johnny West:
Ah, pardon me, sir, but then, ah, what do you believe in?

Jerome K. Arbutny:
Who me? I believe in what I can see... what I can get my hands on.

Johnny West:
And I believe that those things are not at all real. Who are we to say, uh, that the legend of Kwan Yin is any less real than the iron you tapped with your ring.

Jerome K. Arbutny:
I'll stay and witness your miracle as you call it. If it happens at midnight, we have only five minutes to go.

Jerome K. Arbutny:
That gives us just time to make our wish.

Jerome K. Arbutny:
Wish?

Crystal Shackleford:
Yes, I mentioned that Kwan Yin would not only open her eyes but her heart as well. Whatever we ask for she will grant.

Johnny West:
Oh, that's the kind of lady I like.

Crystal Shackleford:
The only difficulty is it has to be the same wish for three of us.

Johnny West:
What could that possibly be?

Crystal Shackleford:
I've been thinking about it for several days. You see, the wish I had my heart set on isn't one that I could possibly expect strangers to share, but I found the solution. What I wish can make all others come true.

Jerome K. Arbutny:
Eh?

Crystal Shackleford:
It's very simple... money.

Johnny West:
Money? That's all right with me although I think you slightly overestimate its power.

Jerome K. Arbutny:
No, I have no objections to money. How much do you suppose the Chinese lady can be, uh, touched for? Two thousand pounds?

Johnny West:
Well, that's a very trifling amount, but, eh, I think I can use it. [He turns out his pockets and they are empty]

Johnny West:
You do not believe in miracles, I see.

Jerome K. Arbutny:
Hardly.

Johnny West:
Ah, pardon me, sir, but then, ah, what do you believe in?

Jerome K. Arbutny:
Who me? I believe in what I can see... what I can get my hands on.

Johnny West:
And I believe that those things are not at all real. Who are we to say, uh, tha the legend of Kwan Yin is any less real than the iron you just tapped with your ring?

Timothy Delaney aka Gabby:
Johnny, I ain't never seen you eat! Not since you've been with us. This is the first time!

Johnny West:
I think I'm sober.