But I'm a Cheerleader

Graham:
I'm Graham and I like girls. A lot.

Megan:
Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good.

Graham:
Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good.

Hilary:
It's really easy to be a prude when you're not attracted to him, isn't it?

Megan:
I'm a homosexual!

Megan:
I'm a homosexual! I'm a homosexual! I'm a homosexual! Oh my god... they were right. I'm a homo.

Graham:
You are who you are, the trick is not getting caught!

Megan:
Then why are you here?

Graham:
I got caught.

Joel:
You're more than just a sissy. You're nice, and clean, and smart... and sexy and firm and luscious and...

Andre:
Excuse me! The last thing I need right now is some fruit who's just proved himself straight tellin' my ass how sexy I am!

Jan:
Everyone thinks I'm this big dyke because I wear baggy pants and play sports and I'm not pretty like other girls. But all I really want is a big, fat weiner up my...

Andre:
Amen, sister.

Andre:
She's just upset, because the fish on her plate is the only kind she can eat.

Mary:
Foreplay is for *sissies*!

Andre:
Congratulations, liars! You know who you are and you know who you want. Aint nothin' gonna change that, sh*t!

Sinead:
If that little twink would've narced on me, heads would have rolled.

Graham:
What would have done? Tied her to your bed and zapped her to death? Or are you running low on batteries?

Hilary:
No inappropriate behavior is allowed here.

Megan:
Like swearing?

Graham:
No, like f***ing.

Megan:
2, 4, 6, 8, God is good...

Graham:
God is straight!

Megan:
Hey, that's good.

Mike:
Boys! Don't you see how sad and pathetic you all are? Always wanting something you can't have. If I catch you looking at another man like that ever again, you'll be watching sports... the whole weekend!

Megan:
You didn't tell me you were taking me to a gay bar!

Graham:
Where else would we go?

Peter Bloomfield:
It's about your um... well... um...

Nancy Bloomfield:
Your little field trip to the Cocksucker

Peter Bloomfield:
Your field trip to the C...

Megan:
What tendencies? Why would you think I'm a...

Megan's Mom:
You've been trying to make us eat this tofu.

Mike:
In diet, watch for a switch to vegetarianism.

Kimberly:
You don't have any pictures of guys in your locker, just these. [shows a photo of a girl in bikini]

Mike:
Mm-hmm.

Megan's Dad:
And these. [her parents show a Melissa Etheridge poster and a Georgia O'Keeffe inspired painting]

Mike:
Sexual, even vaginal motifs in artwork and decorating. Gay iconography.

Jared:
You don't even like to kiss me.

Her friends [all together]:
It's true.

Megan:
I can't believe this.

Mike:
Denial is a normal part of the healing process that we'll explore at True Directions.

Megan:
Healing?

Megan's Mom:
Like rehab, honey. Homosexuals Anonymous.

Mary:
Looks like we got you just in time. What are you? About 17?

Megan's Dad:
Yes!

Mary:
Almost lost her to college. It’s so much harder once they’ve been through all that liberal arts brainwashing, but we’ve saved a few.

Megan:
Inappropriate...like swearing?

Graham:
No, inappropriate like f***ing.

Jan:
Hi, Megan. I'm Jan, and I'm a softball player, and I'm a homosexual.

Sinead:
I'm Sinead. I like pain. I'm homosexual.

Joel:
I'm Joel. I'm a Jew. And I... ho-homosexual.

Graham:
We met.

Mary:
Graham.

Graham:
I'm Graham, and I like girls, a lot. And I'm a homosexual.

Andre:
Andre. Actor. Dancer. Homosexual.

Dolphe:
Dolph. Homosexual. Varsity wrestler. How you doing?

Clayton:
Hi. I'm Clayton Dunn. I work in retail, I'm a homosexual.

Mary:
This psychobabble, young lady is the only healthy alternative to the gay lifestyle. Other than guzzling a bottle of tranquilizers or slashing your wrists.

Graham:
My mother got married in pants.

Mary:
All right, let's see, Dolph?

Dolph:
Too many locker room showers with the varsity team.

Mary:
Hilary?

Hilary:
All girl boarding school.

Mary:
Sinead?

Sinead:
I was born in France.

Mary:
Clayton?

Clayton:
My mom let me play in her pumps.

Jan:
I like balls.

Mary:
Why thank you for that, Jan.

Mary:
Joel?

Joel:
Traumatic bris.

Megan:
I think it might be my parents.

Mary:
Okay, go with that.

Megan:
You know we've kinda been like this greeting card family. And then there was that one year where... well Dad was unemployed and Mom had to support us.

Megan's Dad:
Wait a minute, that was only for nine months. And then I was offered a much better job at the plant.

Megan:
Maybe seeing Mom kind of being the Dad, maybe l maybe I got the wrong idea about the roles of men and women.

Mary:
Absolutely. I can't believe that you didn't mention this earlier. Your father was emasculated, your mother was domineering.

Megan:
Well not exactly.

Mary:
You wanted to emulate your mother. You have no respect for men, because you don't respect your father.

Megan:
From True Directions?

Lloyd:
We were among Mary's ranks before we defected. We're just trying to provide you all with a balanced perspective, to see that there are options. In the end it's up to you whether choose to live a...

Larry:
...lie.

Lloyd:
Whether you want to be who you are or keep it hidden, is really more what we're about.

Megan:
So you run like, the underground homo railroad?

Graham:
Where else would we go?

Megan:
Which way is that, clothed?

Mike:
Not yet, honey. You're almost there. And don't speak out of turn.

Jan:
No, I know, I've never been gay.

Mike:
Jan remember, you were molested. And just take a look at yourself.

Jan:
Everybody thinks I'm this big dyke because I wear baggy pants, and play softball, and I'm not as pretty as other girls, but that doesn't make me gay. I like guys. I can't help it. I want a big fat wiener up my...

Andre:
Amen, sister.