Phil:
Please don't tell my kids I died taking a shit.

Glen:
There is something wrong with your cow. I reach under there and I'm pulling, tugging, tugging, pulling, nothing, not a drop.

Mitch:
The cow's name is Norman. You were pulling on his dick.

Glen:
I'm gonna go wash up.

Barry:
It's Curly. He's come back from the dead!

Ira:
He looks great.

Phil:
In case we don't make it and I die first... eat me.

Mitch:
Eat you? I don't even like talking to you on the phone.

Ira:
Hi. We're Ira and Barry Schalowitz.

Barry:
We helped bury your brother.

Duke:
Oh. Maybe someday I can do the same for you.

Mitch:
Don't mess with us! We're from New York.

Duke:
If you ever talk to me like that again, I'm gonna turn your balls into earrings.

Mitch:
Go for it.

Clay:
What in the name of John Wayne's ass is going on here?

Clay:
Great buckets of bull shit. It's Curly come back from the dead!

Mitch:
You ever walk in on our parents doing it?

Glen:
No, have you?

Mitch:
Yeah.

Glen:
That's a horrible thing for a little kid to see.

Mitch:
This was last week in Florida!

Glen:
Uhh!

Mitch:
It was on the kitchen table.

Glen:
Uhhh!

Mitch:
And an hour later we *ate* on that table!

Glen:
When was the last time you were with a woman?

Phil:
Saturday will make a year.

Glen:
Ow!

Mitch:
Gee, if I had known, I'd have gotten you a cake.

Mitch:
Phil, going back to Arlene is like breaking back in to Alcatraz.

Duke:
My brother loved the land, I loved the sea.

Mitch:
Oh. Like surf and turf.

Duke:
Ha ha ha.

Mitch:
Thought that was funny?

Duke:
No, just thinking about what I'd like to do to you.

Glen:
All right, now the sun sets in the East, right?

Mitch:
No! The sun sets in the West.

Glen:
That's if your *in* the East, but we are way out West now, so we are past where the sun sets.

Mitch:
You can't be *passed* where the sun sets, and if you think you can, then I am directly South of an idiot!

Phil:
Which is down!

Mitch:
Right!

Mitch:
And that would be bad right?

Mitch:
Eat you? What a lovely thought. Hey pass the Phil! This meal was great thanks to Phil.

Phil:
Alright don't eat me!

Duke:
Jesus Christ, what a bunch of little piss pots.

Duke:
'The hell you lookin' at?

Mitch:
I can't get over it. Curly's twin.

Duke:
Well get over it. Or I'll turn you into twins.

Mitch:
I'm sorry we buried you, but you looked so dead!

Duke:
If you guys wanna go home, go ahead. But that gold, that's the only dream I've got left.