Gallagher:
I have to say something about people, even when it's somebody like Michael Jackson. I have to say something about a little dude who runs around the country wearing one glove and singing "Beat It!"

Gallagher:
I wanna say something about my baby, Amy. The IRS says I have to; I pay her $20,000 as a writer.

Gallagher:
There's a reason "Congress" begins with the word "con". "Con" is the oppsosite of "pro", so "Congress" must be the opposite of "progress".

Gallagher:
"Dodge" is the perfect word to put on the front of a van comin' at ya.

Gallagher:
Frankie Valli sings 'Walk Like A Man, Talk Like A Man'... sings it like a woman!

Gallagher:
I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the intelligence. They got one marked "brightness" but it don't work, does it?