Felix Woods:
You know that song "Pocketful of Dreams"?

Band Member:
Down here we call it "Pocketful of Ass".

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates:
Keep icing your front bum. Swelling continues if you don't ice. And I need you... not really.

Berke Landers:
For the first time in my life, I was in love. And I knew it would last forever... Boy was I a dumb ass.

Felix Woods:
Hey grabby hands, step away from the sister.

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates:
What direction do you think "left" is? See, because if you go with your instinct and reverse it, I think we have something happening. How difficult is this? I'm so alone, I think.

Jessica:
I am trying. You are intimidating me.

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates:
Well you are FRIGHTENING me. You understand that? How do you get dressed in the morning? Do you have people come in, or do you just lie in state?

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates:
Oh, that was fun. Who was the composer on that?

Kelly:
Me, actually.

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates:
Oh, I'm sorry, were you expecting applause?

Coach Hibble:
Nice trick there, Landers, catching the ball with your face. Next thing you know, you'll be shooting three-pointers with your ass.

Berke Landers:
O fair Hermia, thou art so incredibly hot and stuff.

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates:
Mr. Landers, how nice of you to join us. And thanks for not showering. What a super instinct.

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates:
Bill Shakespeare was a wonderful poet. But Burt Bacharach he ain't.

Berke Landers:
You're my parents, for God's sake, stop trusting me.

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates:
I remember what the wonderful Bobby De Niro said to me. Well, not to me, I read it in an article.

Felix Woods:
Just keep an eye on her man. 'Cause some of those theatre guys, they have a reputation of being kinda...

Dennis Wallace:
Gay?

Felix Woods:
See, now that's what they want you to think.

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates:
HI. I'm Dr. Desmond Forest Oates fine arts chair... and all that hoopla.

Felix:
Hey, hey, hey, what's going on here?

Kelly:
Don't worry Felix I'm handling it.

Felix:
No, you're being handled by leather pants over here, there's a difference.

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates:
Put your hand DOWN little Steve.

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates:
Oh. Fun hair clip.

Basin:
My dance partner? SHIT.

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates:
That's enough out of your MUCK MOUTH.

Kelly:
Are you crying?

Berke Landers:
No, you're squeezing my puncture wound.

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates:
Go Del.

Del:
Go bid the huntsmen, wake them with their horns.

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates:
Hold it- yes um- um what can I... You'd tell me if you'd had a stroke.

Felix:
Nothing, just watching my aunt's dog screw the rubber tree.

Felix:
No, we're babysitting my aunt's dog Chester, and we're thinking it's some... kind of... hormonal imbalance...?

Jessica:
Sir, your wife called. She won't be able to make it to the show tonight.

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates:
Did she say why?

Jessica:
It was hard to understand through all the slurring.

Berke Landers:
Striker I'd be careful with that accent, Striker. Because You're beginning to sound a lot like Mary Poppins.

Striker:
Look I don't know what you are blathering about but if I were you...

Berke Landers:
Are you wearing makeup?

Striker:
That's it... careful Landers I do believe that you are trifling with danger

Berke Landers:
Who keeps nunchucks in their pants?