I came late to sex. I was nearly ten. That's when my friend Mark Watkins told me how babies were made.
Really? Are you sure?
Yeah. Honest. I saw it on one of my dad's videos.
For over a year after that I thought babies were made when two women tied a man to a bed and covered his willy with ice cream.
Weren't you listening in there, Jes? Careful, you don't know what you might catch. Forget him. He's a...
He's a what? Poof? Queer? Faggot? Anything else you can think of?
I'll tell you what else he is. He's my son, and I'm very proud of him. And if you do anything to hurt him, I'll have your bollocks for earrings.